The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.
Psalm 16:5
For those in troubled marriages whose spouses have left or checked out emotionally, it’s easy to think of our situations in terms of what is lacking. While it is natural to desire and long for reconciliation and restoration, we need to be mindful of our tendencies to forget the abundance of grace and mercy poured out upon us each and every day.
Reflecting back on my time in the valley, I remember occasions I would give in to despair, or be overwhelmed by the stress and pain the fight for my marriage was causing me to endure. Being in a position now where I can look back and assess my past actions, it’s clear the times I found myself in the lowest emotional state, was when I was focusing on my situation, rather than my identity as a child of God. Back then, I often lacked perspective, and failed to see the broader picture. In reality, that short chapter of my life was an indescribably small segment, compared to the rest of eternity. It’s that same lack of perspective that compels many standers to lose hope for restoration, and instead turn to the fleeting and temporal happiness found elsewhere.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Mature believers in the Lord will understand the practical implications of this reality. For them, contentment in present circumstances is the norm. It is because of this right way of thinking, they are able to endure the hardships, persecution, and suffering that accompanies remaining faithful to marital vows after a partner has walked away. These standers have come to grips with the role God has assigned to them. Obedience and acceptance is the driver and motivator for all they say, do and think. Underlying all of that however, is the understanding that their lives belong to Christ, and that glorifying and growing His Kingdom remains their primary goal and purpose.
Do you find yourself constantly asking God for more? Are you struggling emotionally, and find yourself longing for companionship, and a restored fellowship with your prodigal spouse? If the answer is yes, it shouldn’t come as a surprise. While God has designed us to be relational beings, and has given us hearts and minds meant to connect on deep levels with one another, we need to be mindful not to let our emotions rule over us. Overactive emotions can oftentimes lead us to lose perspective, and act in ways that are not rational. If honest, many reading this will probably admit that being guided by over active emotions in the past, likely contributed to the fractured state of our marriages.
As believers, we need to come to the point when we say to ourselves, “Christ is enough”. In the book of Philippians, Paul tells us to be content, regardless of the circumstances. Practically speaking, this is to say “If the Lord restores my marriage, I will be content.” or “If the Lord delays the restoration of my marriage, I will be content.” It’s not a matter of where we find ourselves in the restoration process that should define our level of contentment. Rather, our state of mind should be characterized by satisfaction, peace and well-being. Remember, the outward expression of our inner heart condition is what the lost world sees displayed in front of their eyes. May our testimonies always reflect the reality of Christ’s abundant grace and goodness.
True, we should all continue to pray God’s will for our marriages, and that restoration occurs in the Lord’s perfect timing. Never cease in this endeavor. But as you make your petitions before the Lord, also ask for contentment. It is when we arrive at the point when we can say, “Christ is truly enough.” that God has us exactly where He wants us. It is in these moments, great and miraculous things can occur!
In Christ,
Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage
Good Post Tommy,
Yes we all have to remember that it is God that has us in this for a reason and he wants us to look to him and say that he(GOD) is enough. I know that when I started down this road it was very hard at times to say those very words. Even now with other things that the devil is bringing against me its sometimes hard in our error human minds to say those words. You and Amy continue to pray for all the marriages and continue to stand with us…you guys are “POWERFUL” reminders about how God can work. Your brother in Christ.
Thank you Tommy!
Christ is more than enough. In fact, were it not for Jesus, I would be consumed with anger or depression, or both. I look back on all He has done in my life in 7 months, and I know that He has delivered me, carried me, and has plans for me that I cannot even fathom. Why then, do I miss the companionship of my bride? Truly I shouldn’t.
She abandoned me, then unleashed a barrage of hostile emails before going completely silent. Christmas presents delivered to her home were placed in a trash bag and thrown back at my door. Christ ministered to my heart through that all and is surely enough.
I delivered a Valentine’s Day letter to her home, then told my pastor I was not going to contact her again. I turned her over to Christ. I received an email a week later telling me to never contact her again. Then a few days later she called the police on me because she felt threatened by my Valentine’s Day letter. Christ is enough to endure her hostility and lies.
The enemy is clearly attacking her severely, and I believe she is also under conviction of the Holy Spirit. And Christ is enough for me, even though I do want our marriage to be restored. He reminds me of who I am in Him, and I continue to have a more intimate relationship with Him.
Yet the situation with my bride troubles my heart greatly. I’m at a point where I don’t want her back until He heals her. Let Him fight with Satan over her. Christ is enough for me, and regardless of whether He returns my bride to me, I will always pray for her as a sister in Christ.
Something I read from Spurgeon recently: “Take courage; face it again like a man; never say die. Let not your patience be gone; take up your cross daily and follow Christ. Let Him be your motto; set Him before your eyes.”