Uncategorized

The Sound of Silence

Purposed Marriage
A woman sitting on a couch with her head in her hand, looking distressed, next to a table with a suitcase and a glass of water.

It is one thing to face the end of a marriage; it is another thing entirely to face it in total silence. When a spouse walks away and shuts the door of communication behind them, the void left behind isn’t just empty, it’s loud. It’s filled with the echoes of “why” and “what now.” If you find yourself in this quiet wilderness, its important to remember that while your spouse may have stopped speaking, God has not.

In the middle of such profound abandonment, our natural human instinct is to chase. We want to explain, to plead, or simply to understand. But there is a sacred, difficult strength found in learning to be still. The Bible reminds us in Psalm 139 that there is nowhere we can go where God is not already present. Even in the isolation of a “blocked” number or an unreturned email, you are fully seen and known by the Creator. He isn’t waiting for your spouse to come back before He starts working in your life; He is working in the silence right now.

Hope in this season starts with a shift in focus. It’s a painful reality, but we cannot control the heart of another person. We can, however, entrust that heart—and our own—to the One who fashioned them. There is a profound release that happens when we stop leaning on our own understanding of why they left and start leaning on the character of the God who stayed. This isn’t about giving up on your marriage, but about surrendering the outcome to the only One who can actually change a human heart.

While you wait, use this time not to dwell on the absence of their voice, but to tune your ear to the Voice that calls you His son or daughter. This is a time to grieve honestly. Don’t feel the need to “spiritualize” away the pain. Bring your lament to the Lord just as the psalmists did. He is close to the brokenhearted, and He saves those who are crushed in spirit. Surround yourself with a community that can hold up your arms when you are too tired to pray for yourself.

Remember that your identity was never meant to be anchored in a human relationship. People may fail us, leave us, or silence us, but Christ remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. Let this season of silence become a season of deep, personal renewal. When the world feels quiet, listen for the “still, small voice” that promises a future and a hope. You are not defined by who left you; you are defined by the One who will never leave nor forsake you.

Here are some verses to help equip those suffering this season. May they be a blessing and encouragement.

Isaiah 41:10 – So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Hebrews 13:5 – Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.

Matthew 11:28 – Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Romans 8:38-39 – For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Psalm 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Uncategorized

Standing Firm in the Storm: A Biblical Strategy for the New Year

Purposed Marriage
A silhouette of a woman in a long dress standing in a field, facing a dramatic sky filled with dark clouds and lightning.
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18

The start of a new year often feels like a fresh chapter, but when you are facing the wreckage of a dissolving marriage, the “newness” can feel like a threat rather than a promise. If you are entering this year in the midst of divorce, it is vital to recognize that you are in a strategic spiritual season.

The enemy thrives in the chaos of a broken covenant, hoping to lead you toward isolation and resentment. But as a child of God, you do not enter this year defeated. You enter it as a soldier of the Cross, called to stand firm.

Guarding the Mind and Soul

When your world is being upended, your greatest battlefield is the space between your ears. To win the spiritual battle this year, you must apply these Biblical principles:

  • Take Every Thought Captive: 2 Corinthians 10:5 commands us to destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God. When thoughts of “I am unloved” or “My life is ruined” arise, replace them immediately with the Word of God.
  • The Power of Stillness: In the legal and logistical noise of divorce, the enemy wants you hurried and frantic. Instead, practice Psalm 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God.” Victory is found in resting in His sovereignty, not in your own striving.
  • Refuse the Spirit of Retaliation: The world tells you to “get even,” but the Word tells us that vengeance belongs to the Lord (Romans 12:19). Gearing up for spiritual battle means putting down the weapons of worldly malice and picking up the weapons of prayer and integrity.

Walking Through the Valley

You may be walking through the “valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23), but remember: You are walking through it. It is not your permanent residence. Hold fast to this truth!

  • Identify Your “Aarons and Hurs”: Just as Aaron and Hur held up Moses’ arms when he was weary (Exodus 17:12), you need Godly men or women to hold you up when you are too tired to pray for yourself. Reach out to your church elders or a trusted small group.
  • Focus on the Eternal: This trial is heavy, but Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 4:17 that our “light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” Keep your eyes on Christ, the author and finisher of your faith.

May God strengthen and equip you this new year!

The Purposed Marriage Team

Holidays

Finding Hope Amidst the Holidays: Christ, Our Constant in Divorce

Purposed Marriage
A woman sitting in a cozy chair reading a book by a warm fireplace, surrounded by Christmas decorations and gifts.
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3:22-23

For many, Christmas is a season of unparalleled joy, family gatherings, and heartwarming traditions. But for you, navigating a divorce, especially during this time, the usual cheer can feel like a cruel mockery. Perhaps your home feels emptier, your traditions broken, and the pain of your dissolving marriage casts a long, dark shadow over the festive glow.

You are not alone in feeling this deep disconnect. The ache of a broken family during a season so focused on family unity can be incredibly isolating. You might be struggling to find even a flicker of the “reason for the season” when your own world feels like it’s falling apart.

But even in this profound pain, especially now, the message of Christmas remains profoundly relevant. The gift of Christ is not just for the joyful, the whole, or the untroubled. It is, perhaps most powerfully, for those who are broken, hurting, and desperately searching for a glimmer of hope.

The First Christmas: Not So Picture-Perfect

Think back to the very first Christmas. It wasn’t a perfectly polished, Instagram-ready scene. A young, pregnant woman and her bewildered fiancé, far from home, with no room at the inn. The birth of a baby in a stable, surrounded by animals. It was messy, inconvenient, and certainly not what anyone would have envisioned for the arrival of the King of Kings. Yet, in that humble, imperfect setting, God demonstrated His profound love and unwavering presence in the midst of human struggle and limitation.

Christ: Our Unchanging Gift

The greatest gift of Christmas is not wrapped in paper and tied with a bow; it is the person of Jesus Christ. He is Immanuel, “God with us.” And this “with us” isn’t conditional. He is with us in our triumphs, yes, but more profoundly, He is with us in our deepest valleys, our most agonizing heartbreaks, and our most profound disappointments.

In the midst of divorce, your life can feel like it’s been turned upside down. Relationships change, financial stability wavers, and future plans dissolve. It’s a time of immense uncertainty and loss. But Christ remains constant. He is the anchor for your soul in the storm. His love is not subject to the whims of human relationships or the breaking of vows. His grace is sufficient, even for this.

Finding Joy in the Midst of Sorrow

“Joy to the World” might feel like a distant echo right now. And that’s okay. The Bible doesn’t promise a life free from sorrow, but it does promise a God who is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18). True biblical joy isn’t a superficial happiness dependent on perfect circumstances; it’s a deep-seated confidence in God’s goodness and faithfulness, even when circumstances are anything but good.

How can you find this joy amidst your pain?

  1. Lean into His Presence: Even if you can’t feel it, know that He is near. Spend time in prayer, pouring out your heart to Him. Read His Word, allowing His promises to minister to your spirit.
  2. Focus on the True Gift: Shift your focus from what you’ve lost to what you still have in Christ. The gift of salvation, forgiveness, and eternal life is yours, regardless of your marital status. This is the ultimate “reason for the season.”
  3. Allow Yourself to Grieve: Don’t suppress your pain. God understands your sorrow. Jesus Himself wept. Give yourself permission to mourn the loss, but don’t stay stuck there. Let your grief eventually lead you to the Comforter.
  4. Seek Community: While some social gatherings might be difficult, seek out safe, supportive community – friends, family, or a church group who can offer empathy, prayer, and practical support without judgment.
  5. Serve Others: Sometimes, turning our focus outward can help us gain perspective. Even a small act of kindness or service to someone else can remind you of God’s love working through you.

This Christmas, know that your tears are seen, your pain is acknowledged, and your heart is not forgotten by God. The “reason for the season” isn’t about perfectly decorated trees or perfect family photos; it’s about the radical, unconditional love of a God who sent His Son to be with us, to save us, and to offer us enduring hope – even when our world feels like it’s crumbling.

May you find comfort in His presence and a renewed sense of hope in the unchanging gift of Christ this Christmas season.

Contentment

False Comfort in the Midst of Brokenness

Tommy Larson 
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19–21, ESV)

The conclusion of a marriage is a season of profound upheaval, marked by significant grief and the disruption of a core life covenant. As we observe this season, it is imperative for believers navigating divorce or separation to critically evaluate where they seek solace and stability.

The retail market promises immediate gratification and the illusion of control through buying what I want. Yet, from a strictly biblical perspective, this pursuit of temporal comfort—the attempt to mend internal brokenness with external, material goods—is a path of profound spiritual distraction.

A Biblical Argument Against Worldly Treasure

Our mandate, as delivered by our Lord, is to prioritize the eternal over the perishable. The Gospel narrative consistently challenges the notion that worldly possessions can satisfy the deepest needs of the soul:

For individuals experiencing the acute pain of divorce, the vulnerability to this temptation is amplified. A significant purchase might momentarily mask the sorrow, but it inevitably fails to address the root wound. Material assets are inherently transitory; they are subject to depreciation, decay, and loss. They lack the capacity to execute the work of spiritual healing or relational restoration.

The mistake lies in seeking an eternal solution—the deep peace and lasting identity found only in Christ—within a temporal framework. Shopping, spending, and accumulating goods as remedy to numb emotional pain, offering no true substantive relief.

Fulfillment in Christ

The only enduring comfort and true foundation for hope is found in the redemptive work and person of Jesus Christ. The New Testament provides a stark contrast between the fleeting world and the immovable Kingdom of God.

  • Never-ending Hope: The comfort offered by Christ is an inheritance that is reserved in heaven, described as “imperishable, undefiled, and unfading” (1 Peter 1:4). No earthly transaction can yield this kind of security.
  • Sufficiency in Weakness: In moments of brokenness and perceived failure—feelings often associated with divorce—we are directed away from self-reliance and worldly substitutes and toward the sufficiency of God’s grace. As the Apostle Paul learned, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV).
  • The Eternal Weight of Glory: We are encouraged to view our present afflictions, however devastating, through the lens of eternity. These trials are temporary and are actively preparing us for an “eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Corinthians 4:17, ESV).

This season must be recognized not as an opportunity for material replacement, but as a critical moment for spiritual realignment. The emptiness caused by a broken covenant cannot be filled by an empty shopping cart. It can only be filled by the overwhelming, unconditional love of the Redeemer.

We are called to resist the culturally loud message of consumerism and instead cultivate contentment and peace by fixing our gaze on the only treasure that truly lasts. Our peace is not purchased; it is received through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Contentment, Faithfulness

Finding Light in the Darkest Valley: The Discipline of Gratitude

Tommy Larson
Finding Light
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Thessalonians 5:15

If you are currently navigating the fires of separation or facing the devastating finality of divorce, we must begin by acknowledging the gravity of your situation. We extend our deepest sympathies for the profound pain you are enduring.

At Purposed Marriage Ministry, we staunchly champion the sanctity of marriage. However, we also recognize the shattered reality many of you face. You are navigating a grief that is unique, complex, and exhausting. You are mourning not merely the loss of a partner, but the dissolution of a shared history and a envisioned future. When one’s world is upended, it is natural to feel abandoned, angry, and utterly adrift.

To propose the practice of gratitude amidst the wreckage of your life may seem counter-intuitive, perhaps even offensive. To speak of thankfulness while your heart is breaking feels impossible. We understand this resistance; however, it is precisely in these moments that we must reframe our understanding of what gratitude truly is.

The Misunderstanding of Gratitude

Society often positions gratitude as a reaction to good fortune. We are taught to be thankful when circumstances align with our desires, when prayers are answered favorably, and when life is tranquil.

The Biblical perspective, however, is radically different. Gratitude is not a reaction to our circumstances; it is a discipline of our faith. It serves as an anchor that holds us fast when the storm is raging. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, the Apostle Paul writes:

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

God does not ask you to give thanks for the divorce. He does not expect you to be grateful for the betrayal, the isolation, or the financial uncertainty. Rather, He invites you to offer thanks in the midst of it. Gratitude is the primary weapon we use to combat despair. It is the mechanism by which we remind our hearts that while our circumstances have shifted, the character of our God remains unchanged.

The Sacrifice of Praise

When one is in the thick of separation, gratitude is rarely an emotive response; it is a spiritual labor. The writer of Hebrews refers to this as a “sacrifice of praise” (Hebrews 13:15).

A sacrifice, by definition, implies a cost. Offering thanks to God when you are in anguish may require every ounce of spiritual fortitude you possess. It is an act of defiance against an enemy who seeks to consume you with bitterness. When your identity as a spouse, your home life, and your routines are stripped away, you are forced into a desperate, beautiful dependence on God alone. It is within this raw vulnerability that gratitude becomes a lifeline.

Practical Application: Starting Small

How does one practice gratitude while enduring such significant pain? We must start small and focus on the eternal.

  • Be Grateful for God: Your marriage may have ended, but your status as a beloved child of God remains secure. Romans 8:38-39 promises that nothing—neither angels nor demons, nor the present nor the future—can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. No court document can annul His covenant with you. Give thanks that He is the companion who will never leave nor forsake you.
  • Be Grateful for Sustaining Grace: Reflect on the fact that you have endured yesterday. Though it was painful, you are here today. As Lamentations 3:22-23 reminds us: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Thank Him for the breath in your lungs this very moment.
  • Be Grateful for the God’s Provision: When the Israelites wandered the desert, God did not provide a five-year plan; He provided manna for the day. Identify your “manna” today. Is it a supportive conversation with a friend? A moment of silence amidst the chaos? A song that realigned your perspective? Identify that singular mercy, seize it, and offer thanks.

Shifting Our Prespectives

Gratitude during divorce is not an exercise in denial. It is not about pretending that everything is well. It is about acknowledging that even when our circumstances are not good, God remains good. It is the discipline of shifting our gaze from the magnitude of our problems to the magnitude of our God.

If you are walking this lonely road, it is my prayer that you find the strength to whisper a word of thanks to Jesus—not for the pain, but for His presence within it. He is close to the brokenhearted. Lean on Him, for He is capable of bearing the weight of your grief, and He is worthy of your trust.

Judging, Offense, Spiritual Warfare

The Spiritual Battle for Your Marriage: Fighting with Faith and Prayer

Tommy Larson

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.

2 Corinthians 10:3-4

Marriage is a sacred covenant, a beautiful union designed by God to reflect His love for the Church. Yet, beneath the surface of many troubled marriages lie unseen battles—spiritual forces working relentlessly to destroy what God has joined together. While we often focus on visible struggles—neglect, addiction, and broken trust—the deeper, more insidious attacks come from the enemy who despises this holy bond.

When a Christian man and woman enter into Holy Matrimony, they forge more than just a legal or emotional commitment; they become one flesh, bound together in both body and spirit. Their union is a living testimony of Christ and His bride, the Church—a symbol so powerful that Satan and his demonic forces ferociously wage war against it. The Christian home is a prime target, and these attacks are often subtle, creeping in unnoticed until they manifest as bitterness, division, and despair.

The enemy’s tactics are cunning, striking at the very foundation of marriage. Many couples, unaware of the spiritual battle raging around them, seek worldly solutions—self-help strategies, therapy devoid of Biblical truth, or simply ignoring the problem—only to find themselves more entangled in struggle. The reality is that these battles are not merely physical or emotional; they are spiritual. And to fight a spiritual battle, we must wield spiritual weapons.

Scripture calls us to be vigilant, to recognize the unseen war and to arm ourselves with the truth of God’s Word. To neglect this reality is to walk into battle unarmed, and vulnerable to the enemy’s schemes. We must fight—not with anger, manipulation, or despair—but with prayer, fasting, and unwavering faith.

I learned this truth firsthand. Leading up to the heartbreaking day when my marriage ended in divorce, I became acutely aware that this was more than just a human conflict—it was a spiritual war. Though the legal decree was final, I knew in my heart that God was still at work. My wife was ensnared in battles far deeper than what was visible, and the only way to see victory was through the power of prayer.

I gathered an army of intercessors, lifting Amy up before the Lord daily. I prayed for the removal of ungodly influences, for the breaking of strongholds that were pulling her away from God’s plan. The answers did not come overnight, but they did come. One by one, through no earthly intervention, the toxic relationships and destructive forces in her life were stripped away. The voices of darkness were silenced, and the chains that bound her heart were broken. When those strongholds fell, her heart became fertile ground for true transformation. Praise the Lord!

If your marriage is under attack, do not lose hope. The battle may feel relentless, but you are not alone. God has equipped us with powerful weapons—His Word, prayer, fasting, and faith. When we stand firm, refusing to surrender to the enemy’s schemes, strongholds will fall. Do not grow weary. Satan is in this for the long haul, but so must we be. And take heart—greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world! (1 John 4:4). Victory belongs to the Lord.

Judging, Offense

The Hidden Path to Healing: Why Divorce Isn’t Always the Answer

Tommy Larson

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Philippians 2:1-2

For many individuals in strained marriages, where constant fighting or a cloud of anger seems to dominate, the thought of divorce can feel like the only escape. When the love that once bonded a couple seems to have faded, and all hope feels lost, divorce can seem like a viable solution—even for those who once held firm beliefs about the sanctity of marriage. But is it truly the only option?

I remember a time when my own marriage was on the brink of collapse. Divorce wasn’t something I had ever envisioned, especially not coming from my covenant bride. But when the day came and I was served divorce papers, it hit me like a punch to the gut. Even after I moved out of our home, I held onto the belief that reconciliation would come quickly. Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, yet with each passing day, my wife’s anger grew deeper. Despite initially telling me she wasn’t interested in pursuing divorce, the speed and intensity with which she began severing all ties between us was shocking.

Looking back now, years later, I can see clearly why the idea of divorce became so appealing to her. In many ways, I had given her little reason to stay in the marriage. I had allowed anger, selfishness, and harshness to take root. I stopped being loving, supportive, and attentive, and instead became distant, abrasive, and self-centered. I had allowed sin to creep in, creating a wedge between us. For my wife, the only way out of the pain she was enduring seemed to be a clean break—a way to stop the suffering that felt endless.

Coming from a Christian background, my wife knew well how God views divorce. She understood the deep harm it causes, especially when children are involved. But even with this understanding, she convinced herself that divorce was the only way forward—that it was the only path that could possibly lead her back to happiness and peace.

As I struggled to understand her decision, I began to see the external influences that were guiding her toward this painful choice. There were counselors who, without Scriptural grounding, encouraged her to pursue divorce. There were “Christian” friends who refused to speak truth into her life. And, of course, the internet was filled with voices that reinforced her desire to end the marriage. Sadly, she wasn’t seeking counsel from those who might have prompted her to search her own heart, to consider the possibility of healing, or to explore other options. Divorce had become the clear answer in her mind.

The sad truth is that many people today share this mindset. They feel as though they’ve exhausted every other option and that divorce is the only remaining choice. My wife was in this exact place. But looking back, I realize that there was one more option—a hidden path that she couldn’t see at the time. This path wasn’t easy or convenient. It wasn’t about finding an instant fix. It required humility, submission, and a willingness to obey the principles of Scripture. It was a choice rooted in faith and biblical obedience.

As Christians, we are called to the highest standard in our relationships. God’s Word makes it clear why He hates divorce, and also outlines the rare, specific circumstances under which it may be permissible. There’s no room for compromise or bending the rules. Yet in today’s culture, it’s all too easy to dismiss these hard teachings in favor of emotions, feelings, and well-intentioned advice from friends and family. But if we are truly honest with ourselves, we must ask: What is the God-honoring path?

It’s crucial to remember that marriages can be saved from divorce, but it requires a deep, unwavering commitment from both the husband and wife. One spouse alone cannot carry the weight of this effort. And at the heart of any effort to restore a marriage, there must be an unwavering devotion to Christ. When both spouses align their lives with Him, their relationship begins to change. They grow in understanding, unity, and love. What once were two separated individuals—both sinners in need of redemption—become one united couple, working together to honor God and build His kingdom.

True reconciliation isn’t just about fixing the issues of the moment—it’s about renewing the marriage through the transformative power of Christ. And this path, though difficult, can lead to a stronger, more fulfilling relationship than either spouse ever thought possible.

Judging, Offense

Are You Keeping Score?

Tommy Larson

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-5

We all recognize the crucial role of scorekeeping in various aspects of life. It provides the framework for understanding victory and defeat, allowing us to measure progress and assess relative strengths. Scorekeeping is essential in determining how much more or how little one side compares with the other. Whether it’s a sports game, a business competition, or even an academic quiz, scorekeeping helps us understand our performance and the performance of others.

While scorekeeping is necessary for a host of situations, there is one environment where scorekeeping can be particularly destructive and harmful: marriage. In this sphere, the constant tallying of who does more chores, who contributes more financially, or who sacrificed more, can create an atmosphere of resentment and competition. This focus on “keeping score” undermines the foundation of trust, intimacy, and mutual support that are essential for a successful and fulfilling marriage.

Within our relationships, we often engage in an unconscious and often inaccurate form of scorekeeping. We meticulously track the positive contributions we believe we make, mentally awarding ourselves points for acts of kindness, helpfulness, and sacrifice.

However, this internal ledger also includes a less flattering column: a record of our perceived transgressions by our covenant partner. We mentally deduct points for perceived slights, forgotten anniversaries, or perceived failures to meet our expectations. While this may seem trivial or even childish, the impact of this unconscious scorekeeping can be devastating. This constant, internal tallying of perceived debts and credits creates resentment, undermines trust, and ultimately erodes the foundation of a healthy and loving marriage.

Christian husbands and wives are called to a partnership, not a competition. The foundation of a Christian marriage rests on mutual love, respect, and support, where both partners strive to build each other up and work towards shared goals. Maintaining a scorecard of perceived grievances or contributions within a marriage is detrimental to this sacred union. It fosters resentment, undermines trust, and creates an environment of negativity and competition. Instead of focusing on who “wins” or “loses” within the relationship, Christian couples should prioritize unity, forgiveness, and selfless service to one another.

Do you find yourself constantly craving recognition and appreciation from your spouse, feeling entitled to it as if it were a debt that must be repaid? Are your emotions easily swayed by their words and actions, fluctuating wildly depending on whether you feel valued or slighted? If so, it’s crucial to examine the true priorities in your mind and spirit. Perhaps you need to consider who truly sits atop the throne of your own heart. As believers, we aren’t tasked with keeping score. Rather, it is our obligation and duty to foster an environment were our spouse is made stronger and rests in closer harmony with Almighty God.

As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.

PROVERBS 27:17

No matter your current marital circumstances, embrace this new season with a renewed commitment to Christ. Let your focus remain steadfast on Him, seeking to align your every action with His perfect will. Surrender the pride that fuels the illusion of entitlement. Let go of the expectation of what you believe you deserve. The sooner you prioritize Christ above your ego, the more deeply you will experience harmony and fellowship with God and with your spouse.

Uncategorized

Happy New Year & Ministry Update

Tommy Larson

Happy New Year from Purposed Marriage! As we step into 2025, we pray this year brings renewed strength and hope to those of you standing steadfast for your marriage. For some, this may even be the year you witness the long-awaited restoration! Our earnest prayer is that, no matter the journey the Lord has planned for you, your hearts will draw nearer to Him as you remain faithful to His will.

Looking ahead, Amy and I are excited to share that Purposed Marriage will be releasing more audio podcasts this year. Our hope is that these messages will uplift and encourage you in your walk. We acknowledge the extended pause in our communication and produced content, largely due to life circumstances and the demands of our home church ministry. As a two-person team, we often find ourselves stretched thin, making it challenging to respond personally to everyone who reaches out.

Though we may not always be able to engage directly, please know that we read every message and take every prayer request to the Lord. Your concerns and petitions are deeply valued, and we lift them up as God places them on our hearts.

The Purposed Marriage community remains open for engagement, and we encourage all visitors to our site, both new and old, to connect through the comments on our posts. We hope this space continues to be a source of Biblically sound advice, encouragement, and support for one another.

May God walk closely with each of you, sustaining and guiding you daily as you seek to honor His design for marriage and Christian living.

Uncategorized

Finding God in the Midst of Trials

Tommy Larson

In these days he went out to the mountain to pray, and all night he continued in prayer to God.

Luke 6:12

Standing for your marriage after abandonment is an incredibly painful journey. The silence from God during this season can feel unbearable, leading to doubts about whether He hears our prayers. But take heart—God is always present. Understanding His ways requires spiritual growth, humility, and an open heart. Even when He seems distant, He is working behind the scenes in ways we may not yet comprehend. His timing is perfect, even when ours is impatient.

Too often, we expect God to move in a specific way, placing Him in a box. When life doesn’t unfold as we envisioned, we assume He isn’t listening. The truth? He hears us. But sometimes, His answers come in ways we don’t expect. His whispers may be woven into everyday moments, urging us to trust Him, even when the path ahead is unclear

During my separation and divorce, I was overwhelmed—balancing single parenthood, work, church, and a spiritual battle. Finding time for God felt impossible. But as I grew in faith, I realized the importance of intentionally seeking Him.

One summer, I took a solo hike in the Smoky Mountains. Unprepared and exhausted, I wanted to turn back. But pressing on, I reached a quiet resting place where the beauty of creation surrounded me. In that stillness, I felt God’s presence. No audible voice, no grand revelation—just peace. A simple reminder that as long as I kept my eyes on Him, my path would be clear. It was a moment of clarity that spoke louder than words, reassuring me that I was never alone in my journey.

That hike became a metaphor for my struggles. The distractions along the way mirrored the choices that could lead me astray. The journey was hard, filled with doubt, but staying the course strengthened my faith. Each step forward, no matter how small, reinforced my trust in God. When the road became difficult, I learned to lean on Him rather than my own understanding.

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:12-13

God doesn’t always remove the struggles, but He equips us to endure them. He provides strength when we are weak and clarity when we are lost. Even in our lowest moments, He is guiding us, shaping us, and preparing us for what lies ahead.

If you’re searching for God and struggling to find Him, know this: He is near, even when the storm clouds hide Him. Set aside distractions. Seek solitude. Let His presence fill your heart. Take a walk in nature, sit in silence, or pour your heart out in prayer. God promises to reveal Himself to those who seek Him wholeheartedly.

In those quiet moments, may you find the strength and peace to trust Him with your journey. No matter how long the road feels, remember—He walks beside you every step of the way.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Prodigals

When Truth is Toxic

Tommy Larson

‬‬

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Have you ever wondered why a spouse determined to leave avoids the truth at all costs? For those standing for their marriage, trying to engage a prodigal spouse in honest conversation can feel frustrating and futile. But when we recognize the enemy’s deception and how deeply it takes root, their resistance becomes clearer.

Those pursuing divorce often avoid difficult conversations because they fear exposure. The last thing someone running from the Lord wants is to be confronted with the truth of Scripture. God’s Word pierces the heart, revealing sin and selfish ambition. This conviction is why so many reject it.

During my separation, but before my divorce, I had a conversation with my wife. When I stood firm on God’s design for marriage and opposed divorce, she accused me of being like a Pharisee—too rigid, too unwilling to see the “spirit” of the law. But I reminded her that the Pharisees were the ones who exalted divorce, and Jesus condemned it. That conversation ended abruptly. She refused to discuss it further and warned that any future communication would go through our lawyers if I brought it up again.

I hadn’t meant to provoke anger, but I realized it wasn’t my words that struck a nerve—it was God’s truth piercing her heart. I was simply the messenger. The Word of God carries authority and power, and when spoken, it challenges the heart. Many who are caught in sin will react defensively, unwilling to face the conviction that truth brings.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

Hebrews‬ ‭4:12‬ ‭ESV

If you’re standing for your marriage, you will encounter anger and resistance. Take comfort in knowing it’s not truly you they oppose—their battle is with God. Those who stand for truth will always face resistance, but you are not alone. The enemy works tirelessly to deceive and divide, but God’s truth remains unshaken.

It’s easy to grow weary when your spouse continually rejects truth, but remember that your fight is not against them—it’s a spiritual battle. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” This battle requires spiritual armor—prayer, faith, and perseverance.

With the help of the Holy Spirit and the support of those God has placed in your life, do not let your spouse’s rejection of truth weaken your resolve. Surround yourself with believers who will pray with you and encourage you. Spend time in God’s presence, allowing Him to strengthen your spirit. Christ has the power to transform even the hardest of hearts.

I have seen it firsthand. If Jesus could redeem my wife, He can do the same for your spouse. It may take time, and the road may be difficult, but God is still in the business of restoration. Stand firm, trust Him, and keep believing. Your faithfulness is never in vain.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Uncategorized

Be Wary of Worldly Wisdom

Tommy Larson

Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 11:14

At the onset of my marriage crisis, I found hope knowing I wasn’t alone in seeking external counsel. I was even encouraged to learn that my wife had started therapy at a well-known “Christian” counseling center. But as time passed, I noticed a troubling pattern—the more she engaged with this counseling, the further she drifted from both our marriage and the Lord.

I had assumed Christian counseling would lead her closer to God. After all, the message of Scripture is about reconciliation, and I expected any Christian counselor to promote that truth. I was wrong.

While researching the center, I came across a particular counselor’s bio that raised immediate concerns. Her credentials leaned heavily into secular and new-age ideologies, yet ironically, “spiritual growth” was listed among her specialties. It became clear that her version of spirituality had little to do with biblical truth.

As my wife continued these sessions, I saw her embrace worldly mantras like “DREAM BIG” and “YOU DO YOU.” Instead of being pointed to the cross, she was encouraged to prioritize herself. After each session, she became more confrontational, her attitude reflecting anything but the Spirit of the Lord.

Realizing the damage these influences were causing, I committed to intense prayer, asking God to remove harmful voices from her life. Over time, He faithfully did just that. As those influences faded, the Lord replaced them with wise and godly believers who helped guide her back to Him. I will always be grateful for their role in our restoration.

For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their craftiness.”

1 Corinthians 3:19

Looking back, my wife acknowledges how destructive worldly counsel was. Had she been open to God’s discernment, much heartache could have been avoided. Unfortunately, prodigals often reject biblical wisdom, preferring counsel that justifies their choices.

If you’re in a marriage crisis, be discerning about where you seek advice. If it feeds your pride or justifies resentment, it is not from the Lord. True wisdom comes only from Him—submit to His voice, and He will guide you toward lasting restoration and fulfillment.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Uncategorized

God’s Timing is Perfect

Tommy Larson

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”‬‬

Lamentations‬ ‭3:25-26‬ ‭ESV

For men and women hoping against hope that a husband or wife will return home, conversations surrounding the idea of “time” can be a sensitive topic. Those on the “standing” side of the fence, who possess a Biblical worldview and kingdom perspective, know that regardless of time, God’s plans and intentions are always fulfilled. Unfortunately, this mindset is lost on many.

Most believers are familiar with the Gospel story of Jesus and Lazarus. As readers will recall, prior to the miraculous resurrection of Lazarus, his sisters Mary and Martha made a desperate plea to summon Jesus in order that Lazarus would be delivered from his life threatening affliction.

As the story goes, Jesus arrived at the home of Mary and Martha only after Lazarus had already passed. This was a devastating emotional blow for Lazarus’s family and friends. If only Jesus had come more quickly, perhaps Lazarus would not have died. Their hearts were broken and all it appeared all hope was lost.

But God!

What Mary and Martha didn’t know, was that Jesus was planning for a miracle. The “delay” was by no means an attempt to cause pain or undue suffering. Rather, it was done in order to help set the stage for one of the greatest miracles that would be performed during His ministry. To be clear, the glorious resurrection of Lazarus was made possible because Christ did NOT arrive at the time of Mary and Martha’s choosing.

As it pertains to marriage restoration, we as believers risk making the same mistakes as Mary and Martha by putting time constraints on God, or setting artificial parameters through which the Lord is allowed to work His miracles. These are errors we should not make. To do so is not only wrong, but a clear demonstration of our lack of faith.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path.”

Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭ESV

Fully believing in Christ’s authority to design and implement the plan He alone creates is what Christians must consistently keep within our hearts. With God’s help, determine this very day to cast aside the ideas and preconceived notions of what restoration may eventually look like. Acknowledge that it is Christ alone who will author your story of healing and reconciliation. Be humble, and willing to wait as long as it takes for the tapestry that God is weaving, to be made complete. While this is happening, allow the Lord to shape and remake you into His image. One that is acceptable and pleasing in His sight.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Uncategorized

Fully Surrender

Amy Larson

I am convinced, divorce is one of the darkest and loneliest trials a person can face. Counseling others through separation and divorce, I’m often reminded of the deep hurt and pain that’s inflicted during the process. The anguish can be all-consuming, making simple tasks like eating, sleeping and getting dressed feel impossible. God created Adam a helpmate suitable in Eve because His design for marriage was life-long companionship. When marriages crumple and one or both spouses head down the path towards divorce, there is a ripping away of the one-flesh covenant. The pain is excruciating, and at times the suffering seems almost unbearable.

Thankfully, we have an ever-present Father. He hears us when we bury our heads in the pillow each night and silently cry ourselves to sleep. He’s alert when we shout out in desperation pleading with Him to save our marriages day after day. Our Savior longs to hear from us, and tells us to cast all our burdens upon Him because he cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). Perhaps you are crying out to the Lord, but have you released your worries into his hands? Have you surrendered everything? God’s greatest work begins in us when we recognize we have nothing left to offer and nothing else to give but ourselves. Our fully surrendered life is what the Father is after.

Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23

Surrender is not a once and done task in the life of a believer. It is to be lived out daily, hour by hour and minute by minute. We must actively choose not to withhold anything from God. Unconditional surrender means to completely release control, trusting that the One to whom we surrender has a better plan for our lives than we do. Right now your marriage may be topsy-turvy, and your future may feel uncertain. If you find yourself fighting for control or feel overwhelmed by fear and anxiety, that’s a sign you need to release your situation over to the Lord and turn away from doing things your way.

When we release control, that’s when we find healing. For freedom is not obtained by our control, but through our surrender. We must trust and believe our loving Father’s promises from scripture, especially when we walk through life’s valleys.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

God will not waste your season of suffering, friends! He uses our trials for our good and His Glory!

Uncategorized

Dangerous Distractions

Tommy Larson

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on His law he meditates day and night.”

Psalm 1:1–2 (ESV)

Were you shocked when your spouse left? Were you left bewildered and dumbfounded after hearing your spouse say they didn’t love you anymore and wanted out of the marriage? If you were like me, I had literally no idea of the precarious condition my marriage was in until the day it suddenly fell apart. To say I was blindsided, was an understatement. 

Had I been in God’s will and applying Biblical discernment to the spheres of my life that needed it most, I would likely have been more aware of the imminent danger. Unfortunately, due to my pride and arrogance, I had allowed blinders to blur my focus. This prevented me from seeing the warning signs all around. Unfortunately, my personal experience is not unique. So many we hear from have admitted to dropping the ball and not prioritizing the spiritual health of themselves or their family. Coming to this realization usually arrives only after the destruction of the marriage is well underway. But it doesn’t have to be like this.

When we allow ourselves to be consumed with “non-kingdom” influences and place the investment in our relationship with Christ on the back-burner, we play a risky game. In this day and age, the traps and snares of the devil are everywhere. Men, do you spend countless hours watching TV or checking your phones for the latest news on your favorite sports team? Are you wasting your time binge watching Netflix for hours on end? Or how about filling your head with garbage content from TikTok that you’d be ashamed to view in the presence of children? Ladies, are you constantly checking your Facebook and Instagram feeds? Is your emotional mood determined by the number of likes, comments, and reposts? If so, you are in way too deep.

Truth be told, these distractions and social obsessions have done more to erode the spiritual condition of our hearts than we ever thought possible. Our preoccupation with the digital world, social media, and 24/7 access to entertainment has left us spiritually empty and hollow. Our saturated minds have become void of the very knowledge that should prevent our hearts from growing cold, calloused and incapable of discerning the voice of the Holy Spirit.

I’m not laying blame solely at the feet of the social media giants or the entertainment and sports industries. These distractions and obsessions only cause damage because we allow them to. We purposely consume and willingly participate in activities that have become addictions. It’s a safe bet that a majority of us would lose sleep over being denied access to social media accounts, but wouldn’t bat an eye if we lost or misplaced our Bibles. These days, Christians constantly sacrifice the things of God for temporal pleasure and worldly desires. Over the course of a lifetime, these departures from the faith will take their toll.

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”

I John 2:15-17

When we know who is “trending” on Twitter, or are aware of the latest The Voice contestant to just be eliminated, but can’t remember anything about what we heard in church last Sunday, then our priorities are out of alignment. And therein lies the hidden danger. The enemy keeps us from protecting our homes and families by distracting us with a continuous onslaught of trivial pursuits. It’s a proven strategy.

Our investment in culture, instead of the Word of God, and a pursuit of righteousness, has left many of us ignorant and unprepared to face spiritual battles that come our way. As followers of Christ, it comes down to obedience, and we all need to submit. 

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”

Colossians 3:1-3

Before you find yourself in the midst of a marriage crisis, take time to evaluate your own life, and ask if the investments currently being made strengthen the marriage bond or cause it to become weaker. If it’s the latter, then change course while you still have the chance. To delay is foolishness, and a move that will only lead to regret.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Uncategorized

I Can’t Go On

Tommy Larson

Have you come to the point in your stand where you have uttered the words “I can’t go on”? If so, you are not alone. Pressing on when the weight of the world and stressors of this life have taken their toll both physically and emotionally is so very difficult. For those who suffer through the added burden of separation and divorce, the suffering can be immeasurable. But lest you think giving up is the answer, consider the following message of hope.

Before David fulfilled his destiny and became the great king whose lineage brought mankind the Messiah, his existence was wrought with pain and sorrow. He was relentlessly pursued and tormented by powerful forces that sought his very existence be wiped off the face of the earth. We get a very real sense of the burden he carried and the despair that occupied his heart and mind in the following passage:

For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away. Because of all my adversaries I have become a reproach,
especially to my neighbors, and an object of dread to my acquaintances; those who see me in the street flee from me. I have been forgotten like one who is dead; I have become like a broken vessel. For I hear the whispering of many – terror on every side! – Psalm 31:10-13

David was a hunted man. Danger was all around him. Death and destruction was just a stone’s throw away. But strong was his faith. Despite the powerful forces arrayed against him, he knew salvation and deliverance was in the Lord’s hands. Yes, his heart was often filled with sorrow, fear and anxiety. Despite this, David knew and believed the God of Abraham would not abandon him as long as he stayed faithful.

But I trust in you oh Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hand; rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!

Psalm 31:14-15

How powerful was David’s faith! And what an example of God’s goodness and grace! These passages from Scripture are there to equip and strengthen us in our greatest hour of need. Such a great comfort they were when I was in the depths of the valley, wondering if and when the sadness and pain would ever end. It was in my darkest hour I clung and held fast to verses such as these. Knowing God is the author of truth, and that He would never allow us to be forgotten or forsaken, strengthened my resolve to press on, even in the midst of the fiery trials.

Had David given in to his fears and anxieties, there is no telling how different his life and legacy would have turned out. But he didn’t! And dear stander, neither should you. Resisting the urge to give up on your marriage and your prodigal is part of what sets believers apart from a lost and dying world. We have a hope! With your whole heart, lay your burdens at the foot of the cross, and place your complete trust in Jesus. Walk humbly in His ways and forsake the urge to lean on your own understanding. One way or another, He will reward your faithfulness. That is His promise!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage

Uncategorized

Divorce is War!

Tommy Larson

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

2 Corinthians 6:14 ESV

If you are in the midst of standing for your marriage and profess to be a Bible believing follower of Christ, you’ve likely encountered attacks not only from your prodigal, but also from the forces of darkness that seek to destroy the holy covenant made between the Lord and your spouse.

Today, as we witness the daily battles between the forces of light and darkness, I can’t help but recognize how the entities standing against the kingdom of God have literally all come together to undermine and attack the name of Christ and His followers. While posing as agents of righteousness and justice, their words and deeds communicate something entirely different. Recently, I read the mission statements of one of the organizations in the current national spotlight. It read, “…to disrupt the western-prescribed nuclear family structure”. Christians know full well who the author of creation is, and recognize His design for marriage and family. We should easily be able to discern what message is from God and what isn’t. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case.

Far too many who have seen their husbands or wives leave the home and marriage to pursue a life of sin have given in to pressure from the world and well intentioned family members who believe divorce to be the right path. Hearing things like, “It’s for the best” or “You deserve to be happy” sound good, but when you break it all down, these words of advice all lead to the same place. And while some may be able to rationalize this in their minds, there is no escaping the fact that to pursue divorce is to pursue what God hates.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

John 10:10 ESV

As we consider who and what we are aligning ourselves with, it is so vitally important that we ground ourselves in the Word of God. We must not yield to advice encouraging us to go along with the wisdom of the world or to walk away and move on from our marriages. The enemy has allies on every corner. Even professing Christians can be used to do Satan’s bidding. Be mindful of this while assessing your situation. When it comes to discerning the right path, do so with a heavenly and eternal perspective. Divorce is death and destruction. The path that honors Christ leads to life and fulfillment.

The forces of darkness have been at war with Christ since the beginning of creation. Satan and the demonic realm constantly seek to destroy and thwart God’s plan and will. Marriage and family are their primary targets. The reason is simple; divorce is a destroyer. The damage done to husbands, wives and innocent children caught in the middle have long lasting consequences. So much is the devastation, that the repercussions of divorce can be felt for generations. It is for this reason, standing for your marriage is so vitally important. For the sake of the cross, your testimony, and the message of the Gospel, earnestly seek the Lord during these trying times. Keep your eyes focussed squarely on Christ. Your persistence and steadfastness in the midst of the storm will largely determine the extent to which glory is given to the Father. Know that the purpose of your very existence is to give praise and honor to Him. It is our sole mission. Remember these words today, and as we do, may the banner we carry always point towards the promises of God and His eternal truths. Stand for your marriage and for Jesus!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage

Healing and Reconciliation, Prodigals

Signs of Restoration

Amy Larson

Tommy and I get a number of inquiries from readers asking my perspective or what we often refer to as the prodigal’s perspective on certain topics. One of the more common questions is, do you think my prodigal is open to the possibility of restoration. More than likely, if you are asking this question, the answer is yes!

During our pause, it was evident to Tommy when the Lord was working on me and softening my heart. We began having more meaningful conversations and spent quality time together with our children. That doesn’t mean there is no hope of restoration if your spouse (or ex-spouse in some cases) doesn’t desire to speak to you or spend time with you, but it may mean you have a longer road ahead if the latter situation is one you find yourself in currently. 

Below are some practical tips along with biblical guidance that greatly impacted my life during our separation and divorce.

  1. Show your prodigal sacrificial love without expecting anything in return.

Nothing demonstrates Christ’s love like sacrifice and selflessness. Find ways to love and serve your prodigal without expecting anything in return. If you are not sure what to do, ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and don’t be surprised if He reveals something that is outside your comfort zone. Stepping outside your comfort zone forces trust in the Lord and growth in your spiritual walk. That awkward and uncomfortable feeling also produces authenticity. Your prodigal will sense if you are attempting to serve with an ulterior motive so the more authentic, the better. 

There are numerous examples I’ve shared in our podcasts where Tommy went above and beyond in his pursuit to love me well. His acts of service displayed the love of Christ in ways that were not present during our previous ten years of marriage. Over time, the seeds he sowed took root and began to grow. His sacrifices did not go unnoticed. It did not happen immediately, but in time, God revealed the fruit from his labor. 

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus. ‭‭
Philippians‬ ‭2:1-5‬ ‭

  1. Ask if you can pray with your prodigal or if you can pray for them.

It’s important to use discernment when addressing your prodigal. Some days there may be more of a reluctance to talk about spiritual matters than others. But, when you recognize there is an openness and willingness, ask if you can pray with your spouse or pray for them. Not only will this create a healthy dialogue, but it will also shine a light into what’s happening in the life of your prodigal. 

I don’t recommend this every time you speak, but perhaps monthly or bi-weekly depending on how often you talk. Also, be sure to prepare your heart for their response. Don’t take it personally if they do not request prayer for your marriage. When you spend quiet time with the Lord, you can pray for your current situation.

If your prodigal is agreeable to prayer, that is a great sign that God is at work! Desiring your prodigal to have a restored relationship with the Lord should far outweigh the longing for a restored marriage. Keep in mind, only the work of the Holy Spirit can transform the heart and mind so be patient and loving when approaching your spouse.  

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:6

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.
Matthew 18:20

I will give them a heart to know that I am the Lord, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart.
Jeremiah 24:7

  1. Take responsibility for any sinful behaviors, habits or actions that you may have contributed to the marriage. 

I recognize this may be very hard to hear, and you may be wondering why you should take the initiative if you’re the one being wronged. This difficult question has a very simple answer. God took the initiative to love us when we were unloveable and we should do the same for our covenant spouse. Repentance is necessary before reconciliation can occur and God’s Word calls us to reconcile relationships. You have no control over your prodigal’s actions or inactions, but you can take personal responsibility for yourself.

I remember vividly every time Tommy came to me to apologize for past sins and ways he had wronged me. At first, I thought he was using his sins as an excuse for his bad behavior. With time, I came to understand that God had transformed his heart and his godly sorrow was sincere.

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans‬ ‭5:8‬

‭Do all you can to live in peace with everyone.
Romans 12:18

But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
Luke‬ ‭6:27-28, 36‬ 

For those that have little to no contact with your prodigal, there is still hope! We did not always communicate well or communicate often. It takes time. God hears your cries and understands your desire for healing and restoration, so don’t give up on the process. If you find yourself in a similar situation, I pray these steps come in handy.

  1. Pray fervently. 1 John 5:14, Romans 12:12, James 5:16, Philippians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:17
  2. Read Scripture for encouragement and guidance. Matthew 4:4, Hebrews 4:12, Isaiah 30:21, Psalm 25:4-5, James 1:5, Proverbs 3:5-6, John 16:13, 2 Timothy 3:16-17
  3. Fast. Joel 2:12, Matthew 6:16-18, Matthew 5:6
  4. Serve while you wait. Galatians 5:13, Romans 12:1, 1 Peter 4:10, Matthew 20:27-28, Romans 12:10-13
  5. Lean on your church family. Galatians 6:2, James 5:16, 2 Corinthians 13:11, Colossians 3:16, Hebrews 10:24-25

Dear friends, may God continue to bless you and strengthen you as you stand for your marriage, no matter where you are in your journey!

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Uncategorized

Standing and Suffering

Purposed Marriage

The worldwide pandemic we are currently experiencing has been the cause of much stress and hardship for many families. Husbands and wives in troubled marriages will likely tell you the federal, state, and local directives regarding stay at home orders have served to heighten and exacerbate the already existing tensions found in their broken homes. For some, the increased conflict and friction has instilled a strong resolve to abandon the marriage covenant, and pursue a path that leads to liberation and greater personal happiness. But is a path that embraces divorce one that Bible believing Christians should willingly chase after? The answer to this question, and so many others can be found in Scripture. All we need to do is be open to what God’s Word is plainly telling us.

Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Hebrews 19:4-6 ESV

When Jesus told the hypocritical Pharisees that God joined husbands and wives together, He did not suggest marriages stay intact only for as long as things were working. Nor did He offer a way out of the marriage covenant if one or both spouses felt happiness and fulfillment was no longer in reach. On the contrary, our Lord declared separation should not occur. In other words, don’t do it. 

Through the years however, society and culture has gone to great lengths to minimize and marginalize the importance of holding true to one’s marriage vows. Unfortunately, much of this way of thinking has crept into our churches. No fault divorces are not all that uncommon among professing Christians, and attitudes concerning marriage and divorce have become almost identical to those held by non-believers and secular society.

But if your heart truly yearns to be in line with God’s will, and you desire to honor the Lord and bring glory to His name, even in the midst of the volatile storm that may now define your marriage, I strongly urge you to focus your eyes upon Jesus, and to follow the example He demonstrated while ministering here on this earth. Christ never abandoned his bride. Up until his dying breath, He was forgiving and loving. Despite our rebellious, stubborn, and sinful behavior, He always remains right there, never leaving or forsaking us. This is the example we are called to follow.

For many years, I lived the life of a Christian husband and father in name only. I chased after worldly pleasures to satisfy my own flesh. In the end, the environment this behavior cultivated in my own home, led to the destruction of my marriage. Unbeknownst to me at the time of my separation and divorce, God was working to remake me into His image. This also was the case for my precious wife. For us, the tribulation and destruction the Lord allowed to be brought into our lives, became a way to direct our hearts, minds and souls back to Himself. In His perfect timing, true reconciliation and restoration of our marriage occurred. Praise be to God for the discipline He exerts over His children! Although we may not like it at the time, it is for our own good and benefit that the refining fires of correction are brought upon us. 

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews 12:11 ESV

God indeed works in wondrous ways, but the lesson we should all learn as it relates to suffering, is in the tremendous opportunity it presents for transformational growth to occur. When these storms come, do not seek to pin blame on others, or wallow in self pity. Instead, allow the Holy Spirit to convict your soul and bring your thoughts and desires back into alignment with God’s will, rather than your own.

You may be one of those individuals who is now struggling with your marriage. Perhaps your spouse has left, or you are in the beginning stages of the divorce process. In either case, as someone who experienced the miracle of marriage restoration, I can say without a doubt, no circumstance or situation is too difficult for God. The key for believers is to trust in faith and wait for the Lord to do what only He can. Humble yourself and submit to His will daily. Lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge His Word, and you will be guided alongside the path that brings honor and glory to Him. 

The Lord has a special plan for you, your family, and your marriage. Rather than allowing our present circumstances to shape and determine where our relationships lead, take charge through the empowering of the Holy Spirit and allow transformational change and godliness to chart your course as you head into these turbulent waters.

May God Bless.

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage

Prodigals

An Open Letter to Prodigals

Tommy Larson 
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
Isaiah‬ ‭55:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Are you currently facing profound disappointment and weariness in your marriage? Perhaps you’ve reached a point where investing more time feels futile, and you long for a fresh start—a clean break from a partnership where the love has faded.

If these feelings resonate, please take a moment to pause and consider a perspective on marriage that might challenge your current thinking.

The Path You May Be Considering

If you’ve affirmed the desire to leave, you’ve likely already settled on your path. You might rationalize that no one should remain in a “loveless” marriage, that you deserve happiness, and surely, God wouldn’t want you to be miserable. While you may acknowledge the gravity of divorce, you might believe your situation is a unique exception. You may think that restoration and forgiveness are for other marriages—but not yours.

It’s time to confront this belief.

You Entered into a Covenant with Your Spouse and God

Recall the solemn oath you made on your wedding day, spoken before witnesses and Almighty God:

“I take you to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow.”

This vow is rooted in the creation ordinance that Jesus Himself affirmed:

“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 10:6-9)

Once joined in marriage, the mandate is clear: the husband and wife should not be separated. The Bible presents this as a non-negotiable command. To willingly violate God’s law and expect no consequences is a grave mistake.

God Does Not Make “Exceptions” to His Law

You might argue: “My spouse violated the covenant by dishonoring or disrespecting me, so it’s okay for me to walk away.”

This reasoning is fundamentally flawed. Two wrongs do not make a right, and Scripture offers no example where one sin is atoned for by committing another. Jesus’ life demonstrates the opposite: He countered hatred with love, anger with grace, and bitterness with forgiveness.

Your spouse’s behavior does not automatically release you from the marriage covenant. While Jesus mentions a specific context:

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)

Even in the case of adultery, divorce is not required or justified—it is listed as the sole exception that prevents the divorcing party from being found guilty of adultery when remarrying. The underlying issues of anger, unforgiveness, and hard-heartedness that often precede divorce are still offenses for which you will be held accountable.

“Irreconcilable Differences” Undermines the Gospel

The modern concept of “no-fault” or “irreconcilable differences” directly contradicts the core message of Christianity. The entire story of God and humanity is one of reconciliation: a holy God reconciling Himself with sinful beings through Christ.

“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation…” (2 Corinthians 5:18-20)

To claim that the conflict between two individuals is too great for God to repair through His power undermines both the reality of His work and the validity of your own faith.

Stubbornness and Unforgiveness are Spiritual Dangers

The Bible equates stubbornness with dangerous spiritual states:

“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.” (1 Samuel 15:23 KJV)

You cannot truly reconcile forgiveness with the pursuit of divorce. They are fundamentally at odds. If you claim to have forgiven your spouse yet proceed with divorce, you are deceiving yourself. Unforgiveness and a right relationship with God cannot coexist.

Furthermore, seeking divorce to gain personal happiness exalts your wants and desires over God’s will, which the Bible condemns:

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” (Colossians 3:5)

Divorce Sides with the World, Not Christ

The Lord makes His feelings on this issue abundantly clear:

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16 NASB)

Divorce is the antithesis of love. To stand against your spouse in a court of law is to treat them as an enemy—a posture that profoundly damages the Christian witness. As followers of Christ, we are called to stand against the things the world embraces. Defending or advocating for something God says He hates places you in direct opposition to the entire theme of Scripture.

A Time for Repentance and Re-commitment

If this message causes discomfort, be thankful. Your conscience, given by God, is prompting you toward truth. You may be trying to convince others—and yourself—that your decision to divorce is right, but deep down, you know this is not true.

For the sake of your spiritual well-being and your witness, I urge you: Do not go down this path.

One day, you will stand before the Almighty. The excuses you make now will be valueless then. You will be held accountable for denying the truth of Scripture and willingly violating God’s commands.

Do not be foolish. Repent now of your hardened heart and turn back to Christ. His promise is forgiveness. He has a perfect plan for your life, which is realized only when you conform your will to God’s truth, not the other way around.

The time to repent and recommit to your covenant is now. Do not delay.

Faithfulness, Healing and Reconciliation, love

Remember Your Witness

Purposed Marriage

You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet.”

Matthew 5:13 ESV

We are living through difficult and trying times. If the current situation we are experiencing with the COVID-19 pandemic has done anything positive, perhaps one could say it has provided believers in Christ with a tremendous opportunity to show the world how and why we are different.

Turn on any news broadcast and you will see examples of panicked citizens from all over the globe letting their actions and decisions be ruled by emotions. Opportunists are attempting to exploit the situation to take advantage of the vulnerable, and even worse, some are using this ordeal as a means to push agendas and policies that at best are self serving, and at worst, downright evil. Regardless of your appraisal of the situation, you have to admit that no time in recent memory has there been a greater need for the body of Christ to set itself apart.

As it relates to the current situation with your prodigal, perhaps now is a chance for them to see a side of you that has been hidden. It could be the hurt and resentment built up as a result of their intentional acts of betrayal has overshadowed and prevented the grace and love, which flows from the Father, from also flowing from you.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35 ESV

The way we conduct ourselves in times both good and bad, shape the perceptions others have of us. If you have put your faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and have accepted Him as your personal savior, you have a witness and testimony that must never be forgotten. We are the physical hands and feet of our master while on this earth. God’s will is carried out by our actions each and every day. Either we submit and do as His word says, or we follow our own path, which likely will do little to advance the Kingdom. Your continued stand and increased show of love, grace and forgiveness, are kingdom building activities. Be constantly aware and mindful of this reality.

Call it what you will, but there exists in my heart a strong sense the Lord will be moving mightily in the hearts of many during these times. It certainly wouldn’t be without precedent. One can find countless examples from Scripture or throughout history where God brought about miraculous change, healing, and deliverance in the most desperate of circumstances. The stage has been set for similar events to occur. Are you ready, willing and able to take part? The world and our prodigals need our action. May we all look to Jesus as we seek to fulfill this mission.

Contentment, Healing and Reconciliation

Christ is Enough

Tommy Larson

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.

Psalm 16:5

For those in troubled marriages whose spouses have left or checked out emotionally, it’s easy to think of our situations in terms of what is lacking. While it is natural to desire and long for reconciliation and restoration, we need to be mindful of our tendencies to forget the abundance of grace and mercy poured out upon us each and every day.

Reflecting back on my time in the valley, I remember occasions I would give in to despair, or be overwhelmed by the stress and pain the fight for my marriage was causing me to endure. Being in a position now where I can look back and assess my past actions, it’s clear the times I found myself in the lowest emotional state, was when I was focusing on my situation, rather than my identity as a child of God. Back then, I often lacked perspective, and failed to see the broader picture. In reality, that short chapter of my life was an indescribably small segment, compared to the rest of eternity. It’s that same lack of perspective that compels many standers to lose hope for restoration, and instead turn to the fleeting and temporal happiness found elsewhere.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Mature believers in the Lord will understand the practical implications of this reality. For them, contentment in present circumstances is the norm. It is because of this right way of thinking, they are able to endure the hardships, persecution, and suffering that accompanies remaining faithful to marital vows after a partner has walked away. These standers have come to grips with the role God has assigned to them. Obedience and acceptance is the driver and motivator for all they say, do and think. Underlying all of that however, is the understanding that their lives belong to Christ, and that glorifying and growing His Kingdom remains their primary goal and purpose.

Do you find yourself constantly asking God for more? Are you struggling emotionally, and find yourself longing for companionship, and a restored fellowship with your prodigal spouse? If the answer is yes, it shouldn’t come as a surprise. While God has designed us to be relational beings, and has given us hearts and minds meant to connect on deep levels with one another, we need to be mindful not to let our emotions rule over us. Overactive emotions can oftentimes lead us to lose perspective, and act in ways that are not rational. If honest, many reading this will probably admit that being guided by over active emotions in the past, likely contributed to the fractured state of our marriages.

As believers, we need to come to the point when we say to ourselves, “Christ is enough”. In the book of Philippians, Paul tells us to be content, regardless of the circumstances. Practically speaking, this is to say “If the Lord restores my marriage, I will be content.” or “If the Lord delays the restoration of my marriage, I will be content.” It’s not a matter of where we find ourselves in the restoration process that should define our level of contentment. Rather, our state of mind should be characterized by satisfaction, peace and well-being. Remember, the outward expression of our inner heart condition is what the lost world sees displayed in front of their eyes. May our testimonies always reflect the reality of Christ’s abundant grace and goodness.

True, we should all continue to pray God’s will for our marriages, and that restoration occurs in the Lord’s perfect timing. Never cease in this endeavor. But as you make your petitions before the Lord, also ask for contentment. It is when we arrive at the point when we can say, “Christ is truly enough.” that God has us exactly where He wants us. It is in these moments, great and miraculous things can occur!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage

Healing and Reconciliation

Stranger in your Hometown

Amy Larson

Do you feel like a stranger in your hometown? Or maybe even a stranger in your own home? I know I felt that way when I returned to the states after living overseas for several years. The community that was once very familiar was not and the people I thought I knew had changed. Where I imagined I would feel safe and at peace, I felt overwhelmed and lost. It was difficult to communicate those feelings with people that hadn’t lived or experienced that “strangeness” before. I remember trying to describe my situation to family and friends, but often they didn’t understand. I recall reading Luke 4:16-30 and taking great comfort in knowing Jesus understood what it felt like to be a stranger in His hometown.

The same passage was preached by our pastor this past Sunday, but this time, the story resonated with me in a completely different way. If you are not familiar with this passage, it is the story of Jesus’ return to his hometown of Nazareth. In verse 18, he identifies himself as the prophesied Messiah, but unfortunately his message was not well received and he was rejected by the locals. The villagers that had grown up with Jesus did not accept that he was anything other than the son of Joseph and an ordinary carpenter. Even his own family did not believe him initially. Those that had admired him, rejected the truth of his claims. Scripture goes on to say that the locals were filled with wrath and drove Jesus out of his hometown. I can imagine he felt like an outsider!

When I listened to the message Sunday, it brought back memories of when Tommy and I were separated. I know during that time he felt like a stranger in his hometown. Friends and a few family members thought he was crazy for holding onto hope of a restored marriage. By all accounts, it appeared as if the distance between us was far too great to be mended. His stand for our marriage seemed like a lost cause and sadly, I was no different than the villagers of Nazareth. When confronted with the truth, I too rejected the message as well as the messenger. My heart was embittered and hardened after years of marital setbacks and disappointments. I didn’t want to hear the truth and chances are if you are standing for your marriage, your prodigal spouse does not want to hear it either. But, oh how my heart swells with gladness knowing Tommy did not give up! Although he endured pain and suffering as he withstood the trials, he continued speaking the truth in love. Over time, my hard exterior softened as God’s Word penetrated my heart.

“So shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:11

Oh friends, I’m extremely grateful for messages like these because I never want to forget the grace that God poured out on me. Likewise, I stand in amazement at the strength of the Father’s hand as He upheld Tommy during his time in the valley. Perhaps you are facing loneliness and harsh rejection during this difficult season of life. Remind yourself and those around you of the truth from God’s Word.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:12

Stand on God’s promises in times of difficulty, knowing and believing that God has the power to do great things, far greater things than you can even imagine! He is working behind the scenes weaving together a beautiful tapestry to be revealed in His time. Speaking as a previous doubter who didn’t believe Christ was capable of being the Savior of my marriage, He proved me wrong! He showed me He is THE Savior to all and in all circumstances.

With love in Christ,
Amy Larson

Spiritual Warfare, Temptation

Be Ready for Attack!

Tommy Larson

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world

1 Peter 5:8-9 ESV

Through the course of our ministry, my wife and I have heard from many standers. One recurring question we have heard deals with how to handle attacks from a prodigal spouse. In most cases, the “attacks” come in the form of verbal abuse, passive aggressive actions, or blatant inappropriate behavior with a member of the opposite sex. In any case, it matters little how the attacks come packaged. The ensuing trauma and devastation sustained by standers can so painful as to leave many to wonder if saving the marriage is even worth it.

If you have felt this in the course of your stand, believe me when I say you are not alone. In the midst of my time in the valley, there were many occasions when I cried out to God begging that he would cause the pain to go away or to help me understand why everything was happening the way it was. At that stage of the battle, I was still at a point where I didn’t know how to handle the circumstances I was in. I failed to discern the spiritual nature of what was happening or how to successfully defend myself against the enemy’s attacks. To serve as an example, I submit the following diary entry.

My heart aches. The emptiness that consumes me is ever present. Oh my children! So innocent. So undeserving of any of this. Amy, why do you hate me so? Why can you not see what you are doing? Lord, what am I to do? I know my response must be love, but should this love confront Amy with the word of truth? When I do, it falls on deaf ears. She doesn’t hear me. She cares nothing for me. I am worthless to her. – October 25, 2015

At the time of that particular writing, I had fallen into a despondent and thoroughly depressed state of mind. So worn down by the enemy I was. Tired, defeated and utterly hopeless could best describe me then. But despite my fragile condition, the Lord was working. It was only after I had been brought to a place of true repentance and submission, I became able to discerned the strategy of the evil one, and see with my own eyes, his wicked hands and voice of deception at work. This same modus operandi of Satan has been around since the fall of man. It is a tried and true tactic that has worked nearly every time it’s been used. But despite the effectiveness, there is one memorable example in Scripture where the strategy didn’t work.

If you recall the New Testament story of Jesus being tempted in the wilderness, you’ll remember that in every instance where Satan attempted to deceive Christ, Jesus’ immediate response was to call upon Scripture. You’ll notice that Satan didn’t attempt to argue when confronted with absolute truth. Instead, he moved on to a different temptation and lie. Jesus responded the same way He did previously. Eventually, Satan gave up and left. He knew the attempts to deceive were of no use. In other words, the enemy’s attacks simply rolled off Jesus’ back. Our Lord was equipped and prepared to thwart what was coming at Him, because He was filled with a knowledge of the truth. This comes only from the Word of God.

And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.”

Rev. 12:10 ESV

Attacks come via direct orders from the ultimate enemy, Satan, who is described as the great deceiver and accuser. Prodigals under the enemy’s control, will point the finger of judgement and blame at standers as a means to take the focus and spotlight off of their own sinful behaviors. This is a typical strategy meant to deflect and avoid confronting their own iniquities. As long as the focus is on you, whether it is your past or what they interpret as your “wrong” behavior now, they are free and clear to pursue whatever lifestyle choice they desire. Attacking and accusing you, often of the very things they are doing, is an intentional act meant to control the narrative and to frame their perspective on things in such a way as to condone their own behavior and demonize yours.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

Eph. 6:13 ESV

We know from Scripture there is nothing new under the sun. The lies and accusations your prodigal is uttering now, have been used over and over again by sinners looking to justify their behavior. If you are standing for truth and your marriage, the attacks will come, however, you must not take them to heart nor allow them to negatively impact your identity as a child of Christ. Rightly interpret the attacks for what they are; desperate attempts from a defeated enemy who knows his days are numbered. Standers need to deflect what is coming at them by equipping themselves with the Word of Truth. The enemy has no answer for this and never will.

To be clear, we are not advocating for engaging in a shouting contest with your prodigal as they hurl accusations and you respond by quoting back Scripture. On the contrary, when the fiery darts come, stay calm, collected and composed. Respectfully walking away from a potentially volatile situation is far better and much wiser, than giving into your emotions and once and for all, letting your prodigal spouse have it. Let God be the one who delivers justice. You be the one who focuses on demonstrating grace, perseverance and forgiveness.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage

Healing and Reconciliation, Spiritual Warfare, Temptation

Walk with Wisdom

Tommy Larson
Walk towards the light

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

James 1:5-8 ESV

So much of standing for restoration during a marriage crisis is based on faith that trusts in the Lord to work all things together for our good. Granted, this may be hard to believe, especially when dealing with a spouse whose heart has been hardened by the enemy, but this promise from God is a great assurance in the midst of trials and tribulations. We need to hold fast to it, despite what we see and feel surrounding us. And while many know and understand what we are to believe while waiting on the Lord, practically speaking, there tends to be confusion as to what specific actions we should be taking while believing in faith our prayers will be answered and our marriages restored.

While standing for my marriage, I received all types of advice as to what I needed to be doing. I would consider only a small amount of this to have been biblical. And while the intentions behind much of the advice I received was good, I recognize and can honestly say most of it was completely misguided. I recall one bit of conventional wisdom that urged me to focus all my time and energy into my boys.  I should make the most of every moment I had with them, because it is the memories they make with me, that stay with them for a lifetime. On the surface, these words seemed to sound right, but the more I compared them to what I saw and read in Scripture, the clearer the truth became. God didn’t bring me to my knees in order for me to spend more “quality time” with my children. On the contrary, He broke me because He is a jealous God who wanted all of me, not just whatever time was left over after I had already dedicated the largest portion to my children. God is never satisfied with what we “leave” Him after the more “important matters” are taken care of. A complete and total realignment of our priorities is what He is after, and until we realize this, the longer we will wander, and be left to our own devices as we walk without the wisdom needed to navigate life’s waters.

While the Word of God doesn’t give us specific answers for every question or concern we face, it does lead us to the wisdom and discernment necessary to ensure the choices we make are in line with His will. Whether it be on the topic of how to speak to your prodigal spouse while they are running, or how to manage your money in the midst of desperate financial circumstances, the Word of God gives us the framework we need to discern what is right and true concerning important life decisions.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.

James 3:17 (ESV)

With great regularity I reached out to the Lord when it came to responding to my prodigal spouse when she was held captive by the enemy. I needed assistance from Him to say the things that were right. I knew God desired for me to speak the truth in love but when attacks came my way, the natural instinct was to fire back in anger. It was a real struggle. I needed help in these situations. I knew the enemy could take my words, twist them and then take them out of context to advance his agenda. For this reason, discretion and wisdom was needed.

If you recall the story of Christ and His temptation in the wilderness, you’ll remember the strategy He used to win the battle. Jesus dealt with the temptations, lies and accusations with the wisdom found in the Word of God. Satan’s entire strategy was to trick Christ into believing there was a better way, apart from Scripture. Of course, Jesus was the very embodiment of the truth. Against this, the devil had no realistic hope of deceiving Him into abandoning His holy will. The question we need to ask ourselves is whether the decisions we are about to make will honor and glorify God. Will the fruit of that decision lead to something that is good, wholesome and pure, or will it lead to more conflict, chaos and uncertainty? Godly wisdom will always produce what is good and leads to life. Wisdom apart from the Savior, will invariably lead to death and destruction.

Friends, we recognize the battle for your soul and identity is very real. The decisions we make on a day to day basis flow from what is already in our hearts. It is for this reason, we need to be mindful of who is reigning and holding the keys. If you are struggling to make decisions in your day to day life and feel as though you constantly keep getting it wrong, reach out to the Lord and ask for His wisdom to fill your mind and spirit. It is His promise that this be given. All we need to do is ask.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Faithfulness, Healing and Reconciliation, Holidays

New Year, New Resolve

Tommy Larson

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

Every new year brings with it a sense of fresh starts, renewed commitments and strengthened resolve. Depending on who you are listening to, the target of these resolutions may tend to focus on the external. Whether it’s shedding a few pounds, reading more, learning a new skill, or simply stepping out of our comfort zones and trying something new, the arrival of January 1st marks the point when many will begin their new journey. Unfortunately, this is also a time when many marriages hanging on by a thread get pushed to their limits and one or both parties decide it’s time to call it quits.

Making it through the holidays is challenging enough on its own. Normal holiday stressors, along with knowing what your spouse may be planning for the new year and doing everything within your power to prevent it from coming to pass, puts us in situations that are extremely challenging and difficult. Reflecting back, I remember the first Christmas apart from my wife saw me spend considerable time praying God would do a work in her heart and that the new year would bring healing and reconciliation. Surprisingly, there were more than a couple moments during the holiday season I actually sensed this may have been coming to pass. But unfortunately, those moments were short lived. Despite seeing what appeared to be real signs of promise in both word and deed, my prodigal eventually returned to the flesh and continued to willingly travel the road that led to destruction. Cleary, God had more work to do.

For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.

Matthew 7:12 ESV

Now more than ever, the question we need to ask ourselves is if we are truly committed to standing for our marriage despite what we may see or know is coming over the horizon. An ungodly worldview void of biblical and eternal perspectives will tell you happiness and fulfillment is within your reach if you just let go of the past and move forward. We are told some marriages just don’t work out, and it’s better to leave an unhappy marriage, than to stay in a relationship where your emotional needs aren’t being met. Of course, this type of advice sounds great to the person who is hurting and has perhaps endured years of mistreatment and neglect. After all, don’t we all deserve to be happy and to not have to live in an environment where we find ourselves anxious, on edge, and unfulfilled? Biblically speaking, the answer is, no. In truth, what each of us deserves is an eternity in hell. Fortunately for us, because of the Father’s mercy and grace, we are promised an eternity with Him in glory, if we put our faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Let this truth sink in and penetrate your soul the next time your heart turns and begins to long for what friends, family and those without a godly perspective say you deserve.

If you are in this stand for the long haul, let this new year mark the starting point for a renewed and strengthened resolve that will reject worldly counsel, and instead cling to the cross of Christ and his promise of hope and fulfillment. Your prodigal needs you now more than ever. It could very well be that God has the enemy on the ropes. Do you have the endurance required to finish the fight and end the battle? Are you going to give up on your spouse, your children and perhaps future generations because you are tired and weary? Purpose now to stand strong and believe in your heart that God is not done with you or your marriage. 2020 could very well be the year God has ordained for restoration to occur!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Healing and Reconciliation, Holidays

A Very Merry Christmas

Amy Larson

Glory to God in the highest!

Luke‬ ‭2:14‬

Every year around this time, I am reminded of the miracle God performed in our lives. It’s never lost on me the mighty work the Lord orchestrated when He brought Tommy and I back together. It was exactly three years ago that we officially said “I do” the second time. While we discussed a small ceremony on our original date in April, we decided not to delay and made a trip to the courthouse in order to finalize our vows.

The night before, I was still wrestling with the idea of committing to marriage. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to remarry Tommy, but I felt like I was unworthy of his love. There were so many things I hadn’t communicated with him during our time apart. I feared if he knew the truth of my sinful past, he wouldn’t want me as his wife. When I shared my hesitation, Tommy responded in a way that I will never forget. It was the most beautiful expression of human love I have ever experienced.

As I was crying and trying to utter words barely comprehensible, Tommy placed his hands on mine and consoled me. He said, “nothing you may have or may have not done will ever make me love you any less. Regardless of what has happened, I still want you to be my wife.” He even went as far as to say that any sin on my behalf was partially due to his failure to lead as my husband. With those words, I was reminded of the unconditional love God had granted me. Tommy demonstrated an earthly love greater than I had ever know, far greater than I deserved, a love that had no limitations or boundaries and was only possible with the help of the Holy Spirit.

The next morning, we headed to the courthouse with our youngest son in tow. I was still nervous, but was completely confident in the direction that God was leading. That day, I chose to be obedient. And, in choosing obedience, with God’s amazing sense of humor, I was placed at ease when I said “I do” in front of the county clerk decked out in the ugliest Christmas sweater I have ever seen! It was perfect, and it’s a day I now look back on with joy and laughter.

Dear friends, God still performs miracles in the lives of His children. Every year I capture photos for our Christmas cards, I reflect on the power of His hand at work in our lives. God did what we didn’t have the ability to do. He resurrected our marriage and fully restored us to Himself, and to God we owe all the glory!

From our family to yours, we wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

Uncategorized

A Life Interrupted

Amy Larson

Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit. And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly. But as he considered these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet: “Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel” (which means, God with us). When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And he called his name Jesus.

Matthew 1:18-25

This Sunday, in our bible fellowship class, we discussed unexpected events that have occured in our lives and how we have handled those situations. As everyone was openly sharing, I thought back to my personal life experiences. In some situations, I responded in a godly manner, but in others, I confess, I failed miserably. After briefly evaluating the times in which I responded poorly, I realized those were situations I lacked faith and lost hope in God’s ability to work all things together for the good in my life.

There are numerous examples throughout scripture that speak to a life interrupted. But, I would like to turn our attention to one of the unassuming heroes in the genealogy of Christ, Mary’s husband and Jesus’ earthly father, Joseph. Although there isn’t much information provided on the life of Joseph, we can learn some valuable lessons from the little that we do know. We are told in the first chapters of Matthew and Luke that Joseph and Mary were betrothed or engaged to be married. They had spent some time apart as Mary visited Elizabeth for several months. When she returned to her home, Joseph learned that Mary was pregnant, yet they had not been intimate. Talk about a major unexpected life event! So, how did Joseph respond?

Joseph wasn’t interested in shaming Mary publically, but resolved to divorce her quietly. His first response was to show a tremendous amount of mercy towards her instead of exposing her perceived sin. The bible describes Joseph as a just man, a man of great compassion that demonstrated a heart prone to forgiveness rather than a heart bent on revenge. The character traits he displayed do not come naturally. We can assume Joseph was an upright man that followed the teachings of Judiasm, a man of integrity that cared deeply for Mary and her future.

Given the situation, it would have been easy to listen to human reasoning and desire justice for Mary’s betrayal. As he was considering next steps, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. The angel communicated detailed information to Joseph. He was told the baby was conceived by the Holy Spirit. The baby was a boy and his name was to be called Jesus, the Savior of the world. Again, Joseph responded in a godly manner. He did as the angel commanded and was obedient by taking Mary as his wife. I’m sure he didn’t fully understand all of the changes that were taking place in his life at the time, but nonetheless, he chose to follow God’s guidance.

Dear friends, It takes great faith to trust God is in complete control, especially when we find ourselves in situations that are unexpected or don’t make sense at the time. By choosing obedience, Joseph showed he feared God more than he feared the opinions of man. He believed in God’s good provision for his life and placed His hope in the Lord. We are often called to make hard decisions, to stand on God’s promises and move in a direction that may feel uncomfortable. When met with adversity, let’s follow Joseph’s example. Let’s be quick to listen, slow to speak and consult with the Lord each and every step of the way.

In Christ,

Amy Larson

Spiritual Warfare, Temptation

Don’t Be Complacent

Tommy Larson

They have all fallen away; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.

Psalm 53:5

If you are standing for your marriage or have experienced the Lord miraculously restore the relationship between you and your spouse, there may come a point when you become comfortable or lax in your walk with Jesus. If you are like me, the desire to possess an intimate and close fellowship with the Savior can be a struggle. Far too often, the very things that should rightfully occupy the inner parts of our hearts take a back seat to what is fleshly, temporal and fleeting.

Recently, I’ve become aware of areas in my own life where complacency has taken hold. What has become clear and glaringly apparent is the fact that this attitude usually is a result of our unwillingness to be proactive and intentional in our pursuit of righteousness on a routine basis. Unfortunately, deviation from deliberate efforts to fully submit to God have the potential to put us in situations where our hearts can become vulnerable to the attacks from the enemy. It’s a dangerous place to be and an environment we as believers should always seek to avoid.

So vitally important to understand is that none of us are above reproach and what exists in our hearts will never come close to being good. In fact, what is there is described as deceptive and wicked by the Word of God. This should serve as a sobering reminder should any think he or she is beyond scrutiny and incapable of turning astray. I’m reminded of the story of Peter and the circumstances that led to his denying Christ three times. Surely if any person had a right relationship with the Lord it would be Peter, right? One can easily assume this, but if we view this apostle from a lens focused squarely on his human imperfections and sin nature, it becomes easier to understand how this event likely occurred.

Before Peter’s outward denying of the Savior, there were already failures at the heart level. In other words, the spiritual battle Peter was in had already been lost long before the infamous cursing came from his lips. As Scripture tells us, it is out of the abundance of the heart, that our mouths speak. This is also true of what we do with our hands, think in our head, or look upon with our eyes. It all begins in the heart. It is due to this corruption that the sinful and ungodly actions of the flesh are born out and made manifest.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8

At this point, you may be thinking to yourself that if someone like Peter who was so close to Christ fell so easily, what hope do we have? The answer is simple. The hope you have is not in yourself or in your ability to fight the enemy on your own. Your hope is in Jesus. He is the one able to strengthen and equip you. His Word is what prepares you for battle and provides you the armor to withstand the attacks of the evil one. We must rely on Him completely and not leave ourselves vulnerable by assuming anything concerning the virtue and integrity we foolishly think we possess.

There were times in my stand when I did feel extremely confident about my walk with the Lord and the work He had done in my life. But even in those moments, there was danger lurking at every corner seeking to lead me astray. It was only by the grace of God and the empowering of the Holy Spirit that potentially harmful situations and opportunities were kept at bay.

The challenge we all face is clear. A relentless enemy is on the attack. He will use anyone and anything to lead us down the path of darkness. Be constantly aware of these dangerous snares and entrapments. Don’t let your vulnerabilities during these valley experiences allow the evil one to gain access to the doors of your heart. Purpose now to cling to the cross. May we all remain broken before Jesus and understand the importance of our full and complete submission to Him. It is only through Christ that victory will be found.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Healing and Reconciliation, Judging

Praying for your Prodigal

Tommy Larson

Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:18 (ESV)

Most people are familiar with the story of Jonah. It’s one of the most well known passages from the Old Testament. One that invokes feelings of awe and excitement. Even as a young child, I remember thinking how incredible it was that a grown man could stay alive in the belly of a giant fish. I wondered how Jonah could possibly survive in that horrific environment. Back then, the deeper meaning of Jonah’s story escaped me as my ability to discern the profound lessons of Scripture were quite lacking at the time. I assume this was likely also the case for many other children who heard the same tale. Sadly, growing older doesn’t necessarily make one wiser. Even for adults, the fantastic elements of this story can overshadow what is a vitally important message about pride, rebellion, and forgiveness.

In the beginning of the story, one learns of God’s great wrath, which had been built up towards the city of Nineveh and its inhabitants. These people had done exceedingly wicked in the eyes of the Lord and their time of judgement had come. Jonah was charged to enter the city and warn the inhabitants of their coming fate. Jonah however, decided he knew what was best. His anger and disgust with the people of Nineveh outweighed his sense of obedience to the Lord. For him, the Ninevites did not deserve a warning. They were not owed an opportunity to repent. Their evil was so great, it exhausted all the grace God was capable of providing, or so he thought…

As we continue to read, a theme of irony emerges. We see how Jonah had become actively engaged in open rebellion towards God, while simultaneously accusing the Ninevites of the very same thing. Along with the blatant hypocrisy, Jonah also thought he could hide from the Lord. But as we find out later, not even the depths of the sea could hide him from God’s presence and divine accountability.

While Jonah eventually acknowledged God and committed to do His will while in the belly of the giant fish, it’s unlikely he ever seriously contemplated the fate of the Ninevites. How unfortunate it was that he never stopped to reflect how desperate the people of Nineveh were for their eyes to be opened and their sins forgiven. Scripture doesn’t provide any evidence contrary to these assumptions, which leads us to conclude that for Jonah, the Ninevites were irredeemable and unworthy of compassion or mercy. In Jonah’s mind, they weren’t even worth praying for. Such a tragedy…

And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?

Jonah 4:11 (ESV)

Throughout the course of your marriage stand, perhaps you have encountered the spirit of judgmentalism. Quite easy to identify, it portrays itself as holy and righteous anger. It enters subtly, and over time eventually consumes us. It also exists as an accusatory mindset whose constant focus is on everything our prodigal is doing wrong. Unfortunately, when we allow ourselves to be filled with these thoughts and attitudes, we are prevented from obtaining a mind and heart filled with compassion. It is from this same spirit, the desire to pray and make intercessions for our prodigal is derived. To put it bluntly, you simply cannot have a heart of genuine love and mercy if you are constantly focussed on someone else’s sin. There are no two ways about it.

During the time of separation from my wife, the Lord greatly burdened me to lift her up in prayer. The reminders from the Holy Spirit were constant. Many times throughout the day I would stop what I was doing and retreat to a place of solitude where I would intercede on her behalf. These were usually very intense moments and often times filled with an abundance of emotion, energy, and focus.

Over time, I found the more I prayed for my wife, the less inclined I was to concern myself over things she was doing that were sinful, and in many cases, done intentionally to hurt me. Prayer helped to develop character in my life and provided the much needed boost of compassion and longsuffering that for far too long, I had been lacking.

While much can be learned from the story of Jonah concerning our judgmental tendencies, let us not forget the most important elements; the patience, compassion and longsuffering of our Lord. After years of shameless wickedness, God saw fit to show mercy on the people of Nineveh. Ultimately, it was Jonah’s righteous indignation and distorted sense of justice that took a back seat to God’s love and mercy. The eternal attributes of the Almighty eventually won the day.

As we continue to fight for our marriages and struggle with the constant battle of anger versus compassion, let us be vigilant in going before the Lord and praying for our prodigals. The more we are engaged in doing this, the less likely the evil one will gain a foothold in our own lives and prolong the journey towards restoration.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson


Healing and Reconciliation

Enter His Gates with Thanksgiving

Amy Larson

It’s not always easy to recall the two years I spent running from the Lord, because those memories seem so distant and foreign to me. But, I share stories from that time because I know for so many standers recounting my path to restoration is helpful in order to better understand the heart and mind of a prodigal. My desire isn’t to rehash past events that bring about guilt and shame, but to paint a picture of how far God has brought me is such a short period of time. Thankfully, Thanksgiving of 2015 is one holiday experience I can retell but never have to relive.

Let’s take a glimpse back at November of 2015. Tommy and I had been separated for nearly eight months and were living in two households. I went to great lengths to distance myself from him, only communicating about matters that directly involved our children. Earlier in the month he appeared at one of our divorce hearings and pleaded with the judge for an extension in our case. The extension was granted and my desire to be permanently estranged from my husband was foiled. Needless to say, I was angry! I was angry at the judge for taking pity on him. I was angry at my lawyer for not convincing the judge otherwise. I was angry at Tommy for delaying the inevitable. But, most of all, I was angry that I wasn’t getting my way. My pride and rebellion was at an all-time peak, and anything that stood in the way of promoting my sinful lifestyle infuriated me.

I know Tommy felt the wrath behind my anger, even though he never openly communicated that to me. I intentionally ignored his messages and when I did respond, I kept the texts short. As Thanksgiving was approaching, the messages and phone calls between us increased. With every interaction, I could feel the tension mounting. We were met with making decisions about things we had never had to face in previous years and this was new territory for both of us. It was especially challenging because we did not have the same expectations regarding the holidays. 

Tommy wanted nothing other than to celebrate with me and the boys. He longed to take part in the Thanksgiving traditions we had created together over the past ten years. I would have probably been open to the idea of a joint holiday had Tommy been willing to go along with my wicked plans and not attempted to delay our divorce proceedings. But, my schemes went awry and I intended to punish him for his lack of cooperation. I was so blinded by my anger towards him that I couldn’t see his desires were genuine and good for our entire family. All I could see what that he was standing in the way of what I wanted, which was a declaration to end our marriage. Despite his request for togetherness, I chose to host Thanksgiving for family and friends in our home without him.

That year Thanksgiving was different. After the feast was over and my guests had left, a deep loneliness set in and the reality of my choices started to hit home. I was living life entirely on my own and it was solely based on my poor decisions. The company of my friends and family could not fill the void that I had hoped it would. In reality, Tommy could not fill that void either, but turning back to my marriage would have been a step in the right direction. I had fallen so far out of the will of God that I had tunnel vision. I was consumed with my will instead of God’s will and I was seeking the happiness that I felt I deserved. I was willing to do anything to please my selfish desires, and oftentimes in ways that were damaging and sinful.

Praise the Lord, God gave Tommy clarity to see right through the devil’s schemes. That Thanksgiving, Tommy continued to respond to me in love. I knew I had hurt him deeply, which was my intent, but he did not retaliate or respond to my sin with sin. The Father provided him comfort and love as well as great restraint, which didn’t go unnoticed. Tommy could have easily faltered in his stand due to the cirumstances, but his foundation for standing was grounded in the love of Christ. His absence from our family dinner wouldn’t deter his fight for our marriage. He knew that the Lord had more work to do in my heart, so he thanked God for the process and prayed for me that holiday weekend, as he did every weekend. Tommy’s spirit of gratitude wasn’t based around a day, but it was a lifestyle choice that he chose daily. 

The following Thanksgiving, we celebrated our first holiday as a restored family. I still get emotional as I reflect on the goodness of God. The Holy Spirit renewed my mind and set my feet back on the path to righteousness. The Father took our dead marriage and restored it back to life in a miraculous way that only He was capable of doing. 

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations.

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭100:4-5

Dear friends, I know many of you may find yourselves in desperate family situations. Some of you may even question what you have to be thankful for in the midst of your crisis. I want to remind you of the Father’s may provisions, the greatest of all, a Savior. God loved us so much that He sent His one and only son to take our place and bear our burdens on the cross. Let’s never forget to be grateful for the gift of the cross! We can also come to the Lord with thanksgiving knowing we serve a Master that is actively working and fully capable of performing God-sized miracles in our marriages. Despite the longsuffering, let’s be thankful for the process of transformation taking place in our lives, and let us continue to pray for our prodigals to make their way home to Him!

Authority, Healing and Reconciliation

Our God is Able

Tommy Larson

For the Lord of hosts has purposed, and who will annul it? His hand is stretched out, and who will turn it back?

Isaiah 4:27

For so many standers, there are times when we start believing the lies of the enemy and begin to waiver in our confidence that the Lord will restore our marriages. We witness our circumstances changing from bad to worse on a daily basis and see the hearts of our prodigal spouses growing harder and harder. For some, the situations are compounded due to the fact that we have failed to exercise restraint and grace while interacting with our husbands and wives. While these events certainly don’t serve to help matters, they are in no way to be seen as a “deal breaker” as it concerns God and His designs for restoration.

I remember a specific event during the course of our separation that for a time, caused me to believe I had ruined my chances for a restored marriage. The memory remains quite vivid in my mind. The specifics won’t be shared here, but in short, I had violated one of the boundaries Amy put in place for me regarding how and when personal interactions would occur. While the motive for my actions were not wrong or sinful, it was nonetheless a misguided move on my part. After the event, I retreated to the place where I was staying and completely broke down, feeling as though all hope had become lost. I fell on my knees and wept uncontrollably thinking that this time I had really done it. I was convinced Amy would never trust me again and there was absolutely nothing that could change things.

In a moment of desperation, I reached out to my pastor who had been counseling me at the time. I tearfully shared what had happened. In a kind and loving way, he responded to my emotionally charged ramblings by assuring me that I didn’t have the power to change God’s will. There was nothing I could do to stop the Lord from achieving what He desired. Hearing this was both comforting and reassuring. I eventually took this truth to heart and gained the correct perspective as it related to the power of myself, versus the power of Almighty God.

When you think about it, the notion that we can blow it, really does seem silly. The One who spoke the world into existence cannot be prevented from bringing about His will. Even if our efforts to thwart God’s plans are intentional, they will ultimately fail. We cannot stop God from accomplishing what He has purposed to do.

It is he who made the earth by his power, who established the world by his wisdom, and by his understanding stretched out the heavens. When he utters his voice, there is a tumult of waters in the heavens, and he makes the mist rise from the ends of the earth. He makes lightning for the rain, and he brings forth the wind from his storehouses.

Jeremiah 10:12-13

It’s not possible for us to control every situation. Even if our motivations and intent are godly and pure, sometimes conflict is unavoidable. This is most certainly the case when dealing with a prodigal spouse who is running from the Lord and looking for every conceivable way to accuse, blame, and mischaracterize our words and actions. I know in those heated moments it becomes so difficult to hold our tongues, but putting on the whole armor of God will serve to protect us from ourselves. With that said, it is of great comfort to know that even if we falter and react with our flesh rather than spirit, God is still faithful to overcome and compensate for our weaknesses and constant missteps.

If you are experiencing regret, and perhaps even hopelessness right now because of things you have said or done that you feel is jeopardizing your chances for restoration, do not be disheartened. Our God is loving, forgiving, compassionate and long suffering. He knows our weaknesses. He also understands the emotions and inner conflict we face in the heat of battle. There is no part of our identity or existence that escapes Him, and He generously extends His grace to us from a well that never runs dry. May we take comfort in this as our hearts and minds become conformed to His will.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage

Uncategorized

I’m Sorry

Tommy Larson

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

James 5:16

Coming to grips with the responsibility and role we may have played in helping create an environment fertile and ripe for divorce is a tough pill to swallow. Oftentimes we don’t become fully aware of how selfish and sinful behaviors can affect our spouses until it is too late. For me, when I finally looked in the mirror and became aware of what I had become, my wife’s heart had grown cold and calloused. Sadly, we hear so many similar stories from standers who waited too long before they realized the error and foolishness of their ways. So often it’s only when they’ve heard the words, “It’s over” does there become an awareness of the need for true and genuine repentance.

Shortly after being asked to leave our home, I desperately looked for ways to express sorrow and remorse to my wife. Phone calls, letters, text messages… I exhausted all the options I had at my fingertips. Nothing was getting through. I remember thinking to myself that if she only knew how sincere I was, her mind would change. But as the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, and months into years, the more I realized and understood the unforgiveness reigning in her heart could not be brought down by mere words alone.

My pastor, who had been counseling with me at the time, shared a music video he thought I’d relate to. From the first moment I heard it, I was moved. So perfectly did this song capture what I was feeling and thinking on the inside, that it became an instant favorite and to this day, occupies a special place in my heart. The lyrics captured the very essence of my emotions at the time and effectively expressed what I was unable to with my own words.

Over the next several days, I found myself listening to this song constantly and felt a strong desire to share it with my wife. I hesitated and waffled back and forth over whether or not I should. Ultimately, I decided to go ahead and do it. In my text message to her, I remember saying something along the lines of, “This song was shared with me and I was deeply moved by it. It sums up what I’ve wanted to say to you for a long time.” I sent the message on a cool Saturday morning with low expectations for a positive reaction from Amy. A little while later, while on my way to a local park with our boys, I received a text message back simply saying, “Thank you for sharing this…” There was no sarcasm or anything close to what resembled so many of the other messages I’d been used to receiving. I was very grateful for this and thanked the Lord the communication was received with the right spirit. I prayed that God would take the song’s message and use it to speak to Amy’s heart.

We never spoke of that shared experience until after the Lord brought us back together. When we did, I was surprised to learn how deeply the song had moved her. Amy informed me that after hearing it for the first time, she finally began to understand how truly sorry I was for everything. Up to that point, she would have told you that any expressed sorrow on my end was done solely with the motivation of fixing our marriage. In other words, it wasn’t genuine. But after hearing the message of the song, her perspective dramatically changed. I was also quite surprised to learn that she would often cry herself to sleep at night while listening to it. Although the piece wasn’t enough to change her mind about going through with the divorce, it did ultimately have an impact. Over time, it served to help soften and quell the anger inside her heart. God used this powerful song to touch my prodigal. There is no doubt about it in my mind. To this day, I still get choked up and emotional when listening to it.

We can’t ever be sure of what or who God is going to use to help bring our prodigals home. One thing is certain though. He can use anything or anyone, even a song like this. Perhaps you find yourself in a situation where you are living with sadness and regret over the role you may have played in hardening your spouse’s heart. If this is the case, please know and understand that if you have confessed the sin to God, He has forgiven you. If you have gone to your prodigal in the hopes of seeking forgiveness and your efforts have been callously rebuffed, do not lose heart. Forgiveness and healing can often take extended periods of time. The “quick fix” solution that exists in some of our minds must be overcome if we have committed to remain in this battle for the long haul. We need to acknowledge that it is God who determines how and when restoration will occur. Yes, we have a role to play, but we will never be in a position to control or manipulate the hearts and minds of our prodigals. Let the Lord do what only He can, and while you wait, continue to walk humbly and with perseverance as you travel down this road.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Divorce, Forgiveness, Healing and Reconciliation, Marriage, Suffering

Don’t Provoke Your Prodigal

Tommy Larson

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

James 4:1-2

If you have been standing for your marriage and have grown accustomed to dealing with a prodigal spouse walking blindly in sin, you’ve likely faced situations where you’ve been tempted to engage your spouse in a no holds barred debate, in the hopes that through your passionate arguments, they will come to a knowledge of the truth and at long last see the light. While this may seem like a prudent thing to do at times, it is important to remember that a hardened heart, in most cases, will not be receptive to the message you bring. In fact, having to hear your words can in many cases, produce the complete opposite effect, resulting in a greater determination to run from God and to do things on their own terms.

I struggled with this early on in my stand. I was convinced that I actually had the power to argue my way back to restoration. If I could just put the words in the right order or articulate the message in just the right way, surely the message would get through… How wrongheaded this thinking was. Despite my best efforts, all the words I uttered fell on deaf ears. And the words that did penetrate, only served to strengthen her resolve to leave me and our marriage. To be completely blunt, I’d say there is no more effective way to drive your spouse further away from you, than to engage them in a conversation advocating that they leave their life of sin. To be sure, reconciling this in one’s mind is very tough. Logic seems to dictate that exposure to the truth of the Gospel will lead one to repentance. While in the broader context this is true, what standers oftentimes fail to account for is the working of the Holy Spirit. Genuine and authentic heart transformation can only occur if the sinner has been touched on the inside. We cannot do this. This work can only be done by God.

Instead of looking for ways to convince your spouse to return to your covenant marriage, a better and more effective use of your time is to pray for them by asking the Lord to do the work of heart transformation. James talks about our passions and how they can cause us to essentially “war” with others. This certainly rings true for those clinging to our marriages. We long so desperately for healing and reconciliation that at times we act irrationally and convince ourselves that it’s possible to actually force the issue. Please don’t be fooled or led astray by this false way of thinking. Your job as a stander is to love and remain peaceable.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

Proverbs 25:11

While the strongest of arguments made on behalf of restoration can easily be used in back and forth exchanges between you and your spouse, the most impactful dialogue you can have will be those that model grace, soft spokenness, and restraint. Make no mistake, this approach should never be considered the easy path. It is extremely challenging to hold your tongue and zip your lips when you want so desperately for your husband or wife to return home. I understand that, but believe me when I say the cause of Christ and His Kingdom are more effectively advanced when you determine to put on the servant’s role and walk humbly in word and deed as the light of Christ flows from you. Remember this as you press on and continue to endure.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Couseling, Healing and Reconciliation, Judging

Humble Yourself

Amy Larson

When I made the decision to file for divorce, I was full of self-righteous anger. I deserved so much more out of my marriage and from my husband. Perceiving Tommy’s flaws worse than my own, I felt superior. In reality, I had such backwards thinking. I lacked mercy towards him and was constantly finding Tommy at fault. I didn’t have time to scrutinize myself because I was too busy keeping a record of his wrongs. And, every chance I got, I took the opportunity to point out his offenses towards me. Rehashing past failures never offered solutions to our martial problems, rather, it led to further bitterness, resentment and anger in his heart and in mine.

The years of turmoil took a toll on our marriage. It strained our relationship to the point where I felt completely defeated. Instead of turning to God with my hurt and pain, I allowed the devil a foothold in my marriage. The enemy slowly drove a wedge deeper and deeper between me and my beloved. Over time, my attitude towards Tommy changed as well as my patterns of thinking. The dangers of not taking every thought captive soon spiraled out of control. Thoughts I would have easily dismissed in the past were now stirring around in my mind daily. I had completely given myself over to the lies of the enemy and was no longer guarding my heart. Inevitably, separation and divorce quickly followed.

Self-righteousness is terribly destructive, and sneaks into the heart and mind making it nearly impossible to show genuine love towards others. Is there any characteristic more deceptive? We hate to see self-righteousness in others, yet we will defend it in our own lives. The bible makes it clear that God despises pride, which is at the root of self- righteousness. We see this in the parable Jesus tells of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18. The Pharisee elevated himself above everyone else looking down on others, whereas the tax collector recognized he was a sinner and asked for God’s mercy.

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.
Luke 18:14

At the point in my brokenness, where I became more repulsed by my sin than that of Tommy’s, the tide began to turn. The Holy Spirit revealed the depravity of my own heart and redirected my anger inward. I had to face reality, my sin was equal to his in the eyes of the Lord. Ultimately, I realized the best way to change my husband was to humble myself.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalms 51:17

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Faithfulness, Healing and Reconciliation

Come to Your Senses

Amy Larson

Before we started our ministry nearly two years ago, Tommy and I spent time intentionally praying and discussing how we would share our story and the life lessons we learned through our restoration process. One aspect we both felt strongly about was a desire to be genuine, to speak from a place of vulnerability and authenticity. In doing so, we never imagined God would use us to touch the lives of so many broken, desperately hurting couples that mirror our past. We are honored the Lord has provided opportunities for us to share our valley experiences in order to encourage other couples amidst their marriage struggles!

Sharing my personal testimony, as once a prodigal, has especially been humbling. When I look back and realize how patient God was with me, I’m often reminded of Paul’s words in 1 Cor. 15:9-10.

For I am the least of the apostles unworthy to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace towards me was not in vain.

Praise God, He did not leave me where I was. Our loving Father pursued me, chastened me and showed immeasurable amounts of grace along the way. He also used Tommy to demonstrate love for me as he continually stood for our marriage even when there seemed to be little to no hope. The more I share the heart transformation that took place in my life, the deeper the gratitude I feel towards God for providing my husband the strength to continue his stand.

Tommy’s primary motivation behind standing for our marriage was based on his desire to see God grant us both repentance and bring us back into alignment with God’s will. Part of that painful journey meant he had to patiently endure evil, evil from the one he vowed to love forever, in good times and in bad. I did not come to the knowledge of truth by Tommy pointing out my indiscretions and focusing on my sinful behavior. I came to the understanding of truth by the prayers Tommy and others cried out on my behalf. God heard their pleas and He also looked inwardly to the motivation of my husband’s heart.

And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:24-26

The closer Tommy walked with the Lord, the more he relinquished control over our situation placing his faith in God to perform a miracle in our marriage. I couldn’t help but notice his full submission to the Lord. Tommy’s gentleness with me turned away my wrath allowing me to be vulnerable to the idea of restoration. I escaped the snare of the devil and I came to the knowledge of the UGLY truth. I had been used by the enemy to do his will! When that devastating reality set in, there was no more finger pointing, no more blame shifting. I came to my senses with a deep sadness which brought me to my knees before the Lord. There were tears of anguish and hurt as the veil was lifted and I understood I had been a participant in doing the devil’s bidding.

Dear friend, it takes the work of the Holy Spirit to prick your prodigal’s heart. The pain you are experiencing may be unrelenting and the natural response is to revile in return. But, keep in mind, your spouse has been captured by the enemy to do his will. Your prodigal will have to come to this realization on their own, in God’s perfect timing. Pray fervently and look to Christ as your example while you wait.

When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:23

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Judging

Examine Your Own Heart

Tommy Larson

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:5

When a spouse has made the decision to turn against you and the Lord by abandoning the vows made before God, it’s a natural instinct to point the finger of blame. But how many of us pause and take a look at our own lives, which in many cases, played a role in cultivating an environment conducive to marital disaster? The realization of my own contribution to our marital demise came far too late for me, because for years I was consumed with judging my spouse’s actions and not my own. Sadly, this delay in spiritual self-awareness exacted a heavy toll on our family, marriage and my relationship with Christ.

At the beginning of my stand, I remember being focused on what my wife was doing and how she was acting. Early on, my conversations with others typically involved describing her behavior and painting myself as a victim. It was so very clear to me that what she was doing was wrong, but it wasn’t until I began really diving into Scripture that I realized my focus and attention was off base. The eyes of scrutiny had been aimed in the wrong direction. I was so focused on my spouse, that I had grown blind to my own iniquities.

Through the course of Biblical counseling, and intentional quiet times with the Lord, I began to understand how misguided this perspective was. Correcting my flawed point of view meant turning the eyes of scrutiny completely on myself and allowing the Lord to expose the parts of my own life that had not fallen under complete submission to the Holy Spirit. When I was able to stop focusing on the actions of my spouse and instead became more aware of my own sin and shortcomings, my heart and mind gradually became transformed. This metamorphosis was not something accomplished on my own. To be clear, without a steady diet of Gospel truth and transparent conversations with the God, my spirit would have no doubt remained the same. Of this I am certain.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

The path to restoration and healing is never paved with bitterness and resentment. If you recognize your own heart is filled with animosity towards your spouse, with the help of the Holy Spirit, purpose right now to change. Relationships are reconciled and grievances forgiven when both parties put off anger and instead put on love and compassion. You may not be able to control or suppress the malice directed towards you at this point, but over time, the transforming power of Christ exhibited in your own life will produce seeds that will one day bear fruit. As God’s Word tells us, do not grow tired or weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap if we faint not. May we all learn to focus our efforts on becoming more like Christ through the examination of our own hearts and minds. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you today and when conviction sets in, purpose to set your thoughts, words, and deeds under the full submission of God and His holy Word.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson


Healing and Reconciliation

Are You the Judge and Jury?

Tommy Larson

Let’s be honest. Initiating divorce proceedings in order to dissolve a marriage only comes after an individual has predetermined the guilt of the other party. Whether the offense is rooted in infidelity, emotional abuse, or financial impropriety, the situation nearly always results with one spouse concluding that enough is enough, and it is time for justice to be served.

This righteous indignation possessed by so many pursuing divorce is something witnessed on a routine basis in our culture. Nearly everyday we see examples of “outrage mobs” screaming from the rooftops over issues that according to them, are more important than anything the world has ever faced. There is no negotiating, no compromise and no reasoning with these people. The only thing that brings satisfaction is for “justice” to be brought immediately. These individuals aren’t content to see a simple slap on the wrist. There needs to be pain, suffering and reproach brought upon the targets of their wrath. They want to see lives crushed and destroyed. They want vengeance and they want it now.

But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Reading this passage accurately describes what we are seeing all around us. When it comes to divorce, at least in western society, the rates have never been higher. Why is this? How do people arrive at the point where hearts have become so hardened that dissolving the bonds of holy matrimony becomes the ultimate prize? Quite frankly, it’s not hard to understand. Once you acknowledge how wicked our hearts are apart from the influence of the Holy Spirit, there is little in terms of surprise relating to how deep our sins can take us.

Years ago while standing for my marriage and fighting against divorce, I remember seeing in my covenant spouse an anger I had never seen before. She had become single minded of purpose to undo what had been done. Not to excuse her wrath or sense or vengeance at the time, but I now recognize that so much of what I felt and experienced stemmed from her deep sense of hurt and sadness. She had been deeply wounded and for years kept the pain bottled up. Over time, the suffering and grief turned into something dark and sinister. She demanded justice. There was a price to be paid for the anguish I put her through. It became her mission to make sure I was punished and that I tasted the same bitter fruit she had eaten for years.

For me, there was absolutely nothing I could do to assuage her anger. I was guilty on all counts. No acts of remorse or apologies could quench her thirst for justice. The ironic thing at the time was that while pursuing the divorce, she was claiming to have a close relationship with God. She even went so far as to say she had forgiven me. Of course, none of this was true. She was deceived and being held captive by the enemy and was simply repeating Satan’s lies. The devil played on her vulnerability and tricked her into believing that exacting vengeance on me would bring her happiness and restitution. Thankfully, the Lord rescued her heart and set her free from the strongholds of bitterness and division. I thank God for the work only He could do.

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

Romans 12:9

While the pursuit of justice is something worthwhile and honorable, Christians must understand that when it comes to this matter, our job is not to take measures into our own hands. If you have been hurt by your loved one and have endured heartache and suffering due to your spouse’s sin, do not fall into the trap of unforgiveness. Pursuing an ungodly divorce places you in the role of judge, jury and executioner. None of these roles define what we as Bible believing Christians are called to be. Instead of giving into the flesh and pursuing your own sense of justice, I challenge you to put on love, patience, endurance and longsuffering. The Lord Jesus provided the template for how we should live. May we remember His example the next time we embark upon a “so called” mission of justice.

Uncategorized

Inspirational Graphics

Purposed Marriage

Good morning friends! Tommy and I will be posting weekly inspirational graphics to our social media accounts that we hope will encourage you to reflect on God’s promises during your marriage stand. To receive those, be sure to follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

In Him,
Amy Larson

Healing and Reconciliation

The Poison of Unforgiveness

Tommy Larson

I heard it once said that Christians are furthest away from the mind and heart of Christ when they are found to possess an unforgiving spirit. Given the message of the Gospel and the themes of reconciliation and forgiveness woven throughout Scripture, it’s easy to see how this mindset runs contrary to what should be at the heart of our identities as born again believers.

As I reflect on my own life experiences and the times I’ve withheld forgiveness because of pride, stubbornness and a host of other illegitimate reasons, there exists a deep sense of regret and sadness. Because of God’s grace and longsuffering, I know I have been forgiven, but that doesn’t erase the memory of my missteps and the damage done to my testimony. So much of my unforgiveness stemmed from the sense of power it gave me over those whom I perceived to have offended me. As long as I refused forgiveness over the supposed “offense”, then I had a reason to feel superior. My unforgiveness took many forms. Ignoring the individual completely, not responding to initiated communication efforts on their end, or speaking badly about the person behind his/her back were some of the most frequently used tactics in my arsenal of grievance weapons.

In the months that led to my marriage coming to a grinding halt, the most important person in my life had become myself. I was a master at defending my own actions, justifying my sin and finding ways to use petty infractions that existed only in my head as a way to belittle, disparage and marginalize my precious wife. I had become so easily offended by Amy that she found herself walking on eggshells most days in an effort to avoid incurring my wrath. “How dare my wife not live up to my expectations!”, I would think. I would punish her through deliberately spoken hurtful comments or by giving her the silent treatment so as to make her feel as though she didn’t exist. Sadly, my unloving words and deeds did far more damage than I could have anticipated. In time, Satan would use these actions as a means to construct the foundation of what would become the basis of our divorce… bitterness and unforgiveness. It wasn’t until I started walking through the pain of losing my wife that I began to understand how serious an offense unforgiveness was.

For years I had allowed the spirit of unforgiveness to reign in my heart. When it had finally run its course, I found myself on the receiving end of a decade’s worth of pent up wrath and hostility. On one hand, I couldn’t blame Amy for the path she decided to take. After all, I had created an environment that was ripe for this type of disaster. But the closer I grew to the Lord and the more I matured in my faith, the more I realized how contrary unforgiveness was to a heart that claimed to belong to Christ. While she denied this truth at the time, my covenant wife would eventually come to discern this as well.

At its very nature, unforgiveness is rebellion against God. It is a deliberate refusal to obey a direct order. When we choose to withhold forgiveness, it is the result of a complete disconnect with heart of the Gospel. How can we ever think our relationship with Jesus is where it needs to be if we have erected walls of division with one another, or have fortified our internal defenses so as to prevent our spouse from reconciling? It is so vitally important to understand that when we choose not to forgive, we are taking a dangerous risk. Matthew 6:15 states that if we do not forgive others of their sins, the Father will not forgive us of our sins. We don’t need a Bible commentary to understand what is plainly written here. The warning to believers is quite sobering. May this unholy spirit never find a place in our hearts.

Perhaps you have been so deeply hurt by your husband or wife that you cannot see a path forward to forgive. If this is your present condition, do not be dismayed. There was a point in my life shortly after our divorce that I questioned the capacity I had to forgive Amy. Thankfully, I came to realize that I didn’t need to rely on my own strength. The Lord had promised to never leave or forsake me and I knew I had access to His power. He had provided everything I needed to overcome this challenge of unforgiveness. It was all right there contained in His Holy Word.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12

Forgiveness is absolutely possible, but only if you allow God to change your heart. You must first submit to His authority and acknowledge that your unwillingness to forgive is sin. Once again in His will and under His submission, allow the Lord to transform your heart and mind by feasting on His Word as well as going to Him daily in prayer. The more intimate your relationship with the Lord is, the easier you will find it to forgive. The spiritually mature believer who walks in close fellowship with Christ will acknowledge that as forgiven sinners, we have absolutely no right to withhold forgiveness from anyone, regardless of the offense. Remember this truth as you strive to live in accordance with the teachings and admonitions of Scripture.

Faithfulness

How Long Should We Wait?

Tommy Larson

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

How long should a stander wait on a prodigal to come home? Does there come a point when it is acceptable to simply give up and call it quits? Does God understand if we “move on” with our lives and put the painful past behind us? Many in distressed or broken marriages will oftentimes ask these questions. For a majority, there will come a point when the desire to escape the pain, emptiness and despair becomes too overwhelming to bear. At this stage, we begin to question our stand and the sovereignty and faithfulness of God to intervene and bring restoration. While it is understandable to sympathize with someone in this situation, we need to be discerning in our approach to identifying the root causes of the sadness and grief. Above all else, our examination should focus on God’s Word. This correct approach will reveal how easily our hearts can be deceived and our minds swayed from holding fast to the truth.

When it comes to establishing a set time for waiting on a prodigal to return home, we need to reframe the question. We must understand that the goal or “endgame” for any stander should be to see their spouse come to a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. Their journey home to you and your family is secondary. But, because of the emotional ties we have with our one flesh partner, it becomes challenging on many levels to keep this right perspective. Regardless of the difficulty, we must strive to stay focussed on the spiritual and eternal nature of the battle.

Your absent husband or wife is likely facing an eternal separation from God if they remain in their sin and bondage to the flesh. This is the sobering reality. Focus your prayers and petitions before the Lord on the very heart of the matter, the soul and mind of your deceived spouse. Our question to God shouldn’t be, “How long must I wait for my prodigal to come home?” but rather, “How can God use me to help point my prodigal towards a saving knowledge of God’s truth?” Our marriages will only return to a condition that is honoring and pleasing to the Lord when both husbands and wives have fully submitted themselves to God’s will. In most cases, prodigals will not arrive at this state until they are broken by God. As someone who lived as an “in-home” prodigal of sorts for over ten years, I can assure you that when the hand of correction does come, it comes swiftly and mightily. For me, the result was a complete heart transformation as Christ began the work that only He could.

As far as “moving on” is concerned, the first question to ask is, “What does that really mean?” Is it to say that an individual wants out of the situation he or she is in and believes there to be a better path apart from the Lord’s revealed will? Sadly, in most cases it does. Be cautioned though. This “take charge” approach to rectifying our situations is not rooted in God’s truth. In fact, it is quite to the contrary. What “moving on” or “moving forward” essentially boils down to is an unwillingness to wait on God.

In other words, it is the belief that God isn’t fulfilling His end of the deal fast enough. Can you understand how foolish it is to think this way? All throughout Scripture we find examples of man relying on his own understanding and failing to acknowledge and follow God’s clear instructions. This deeply flawed perspective and approach to dealing with trials and tribulations will result in nothing but more pain and heartache. Granted, there may be some temporary relief from the grief and suffering in the short term. Speaking long term however, you will find the “quick fixes” you attempt to apply now, will likely result in problems down the road that eclipse the magnitude of the stress and sorrow you are enduring in the present. This is almost a certainty, and you have no idea of how those issues will manifest themselves later on. You don’t want to know either.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.

Proverbs 14:12

Dear friends, as God’s Word says, there is a way of thinking that may seem right, but if it is apart from the Lord’s revealed truth, it will not lead to peace and fulfillment. In most cases it will only lead to further heartache and suffering. When you are being tempted by the enemy to give up your stand so as to make the pain go away, remember Christ’s example for us. Even as He was being crucified, he remained faithful to His call. He willingly suffered and endured the pain on our behalf. In the end, death was conquered and defeated.

I challenge you this day to let the mind that was in Christ Jesus also be in you. Endure what you have been called to endure and rejoice that our God is faithful in fulfilling his promises. And as to the question, how long should we wait for God to move? We should wait for as long and as fervently as his faithfulness to us endures.

In Christ,
Tommy Larson

Faithfulness

God’s Goodness

Purposed Marriage

Our lives are often viewed with the wrong perspective. We dwell on the things we don’t have instead of being grateful for the things given to us. Looking back in Genesis, Adam and Eve did the same thing. They fixated on the tree’s fruit they could not eat paying no attention to the bountiful forest right in front of them. The serpent easily persuaded them because they began to doubt God’s promises for their lives and lost perspective.

How often does this happen in our marriages? Something or someone captures our attention and we get easily distracted. We look to our friends and family to see what they have and where we may be lacking. Maybe we even get caught up in the world of social media and start playing the comparison game in our hearts and minds. Before we know it, we are coveting our neighbors and wishing for a life other than our own.

This may destroy more marriages quicker than anything else. When doubting God’s goodness, it is likely we have raised our problems as our highest reality rather than God’s Word. In such cases, a change of perspective is needed so we may view our problems through the lens of scripture. We need to be mindful that Satan still uses the same tactics he used with Adam and Eve, he just repackages the lie and delivers it by a different messenger.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Psalms‬ ‭34:8‬ ‭

Dear friend,
Don’t believe the lie that God’s goodness applies to everyone but you! Today I want to encourage you to believe in God’s goodness and trust He has His loving arms wrapped around you. In your time of trouble, don’t hide like Adam and Eve, but run to our Heavenly Father with open arms. If you are in a season of waiting, be patient and take refuge in Him knowing and expecting God to deliver on all of the promises He has for you. Chances are without the troubles, you may not come to fully appreciate the promises He has given.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Uncategorized

Standing for God’s Glory

Tommy Larson

Suffering while standing for the cause of oneness and reconciliation is a heavy burden to bear. The emotional toll taken on those willingly turning the other cheek and extending grace in the face of constant rejection, ridicule and hostility inevitably results in a painful existence where moments of peace and happiness are few and far between. When thinking about our own suffering and the challenges faced on a near daily basis, one should consider the role of suffering as it fits into God’s plan, and how this is ultimately used to bring glory to the Lord and to His kingdom.

A perfect example of someone who suffered greatly in life for the express purpose of God being glorified comes from a familiar passage in Scripture. In John 9, we read the story of Jesus healing the man born blind. Before Jesus performs His miracle, the disciples asked Him why the man was in that condition. They wrongly assumed it was a direct result of something either the man or his parents did. Jesus’ response was shocking.

It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”

john 9:3

You may be wondering why you are continually suffering for the sake of a spouse who has checked out or expressed a desire to completely leave you and your marriage. If you find yourself in this position, it’s possible your stand and time remaining faithful to an unfaithful spouse has been going on for years. But consider the man Jesus healed. His entire life up to that point had been defined by suffering, hardship and a longing to be made whole. His blindness was placed upon him for one reason; the glorification of God Himself. One might ask if it was fair this man had to endure a life of suffering so at that very moment Jesus could be given glory. You may be asking the same thing about your stand, but keep in mind this man was singled out and chosen by God for the express purpose of growing His kingdom. Many who witnessed this miracle were amazed by God’s power and believed in Jesus from that point on. Long after the healed man passed from this life into the next, his story and the role he played in God’s plan to glorify himself lives on and is a testimony of Christ’s enduring compassion, mercy and power to transform and heal.

When you are faithfully standing for your marriage and honoring the vows made on your wedding day, you are honoring the Lord. The testimony of the power living within that has sustained you up to this point is a witness to the One making it all possible. It may be difficult to understand the why’s and how’s of this tribulation you are going through, but when you examine it in the context of Christ’s glorification, the picture becomes much clearer.

Dear friends, we understand the suffering you face is very real and the normalcy of everyday struggles and challenges taking place right now would likely not be missed if God was to suddenly remove them. But during this season in the valley, ask the Lord to help you better understand why it is you are going through what you are. When others around you witness your stand and commitment in the face of strong adversity, they can’t help at some point to be amazed at the displayed level of dedication as they wonder where it came from. When this occurs, don’t hesitate for one moment to reveal the source. And think of the reactions that will occur when restoration finally happens. God’s glory will be magnified exponentially! Until that time, remain faithful to the Word of God and purpose in your heart and mind to stand for Him and for His glory alone.

In Christ,
Tommy Larson

Healing and Reconciliation

The Hope of the Cross

Amy Larson

The twelve disciples were taught by the greatest teacher and leader who walked the earth. When Jesus called them to drop everything and set out on mission with Him, I’m not sure they knew just how extraordinary of an adventure it would be. It was met with miracles, healings and teachings that defied logic. They knew Jesus was the Son of God, and were witnesses to the mighty power He possessed. Yet, in the end, Matthew 26:56 tells us the disciples left Him and fled. Peter with deep aggravation and profane cursing denied Christ three times and Judas betrayed Jesus for thirty pieces of silver.

Jesus personally suffered through a tremendous amount of pain and experienced devastating grief. The betrayal by those He walked with side by side and was closest to was no surprise to Him. And, this is where we see the beauty of Christ’s character. Jesus knew they would turn their backs on Him, but still chose to devote His life to teaching them and poured out His love into their lives daily.

But all this has taken place that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples left him and fled. Matthew‬ ‭26:56‬ ‭

Dear friend, in your marriage circumstances, you may be suffering from an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. This Easter, take time to reflect on the hope of the Cross and the ultimate demonstration of restoration the world has ever known.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Faithfulness

A Letter to God

Tommy Larson

During the painful and lonely days of standing for my marriage, there were times when I felt I couldn’t go on another day. The heartache of knowing my wife had left the marriage and the strained relationship that now existed between my children and I were oftentimes too burdensome to bare. It was during these times I poured my energies into writing personal journal entries. As I reflect back on the writings, so much of it could be described as me simply voicing my thoughts and feelings to God. I would ask questions of the Lord and wondered if He was even hearing me. From the standpoint of being able to release the pain and vocalize the suffering I was experiencing inwardly, these writing exercises proved to be quite therapeutic and emotionally beneficial. The most comforting moments came when the Holy Spirit would remind me of His promises as He directed my heart back towards the Word and His eternal message of hope.

The following is from a journal entry of mine dated July 13, 2016. I submit it here to serve as an example of the hurt and emptiness I was experiencing that the Lord, in His faithfulness, eventually delivered me through.

It has been a week now since I’ve seen the boys and Amy. And while I did go to the house yesterday to drop off a meal, I didn’t see anyone. Since they returned, Amy hasn’t initiated any contact. I feel abandoned, isolated and completely forsaken. Lord, I call upon you now. Be my all in all. May I depend solely on You. Bring me to a deeper understanding of your love. Help me to know and love You more. All I have is in You. Hear my cries oh Lord. Do not cast me aside and forsake me. Father, I seek your will. To lead, love and serve like a Christian husband and father should. I overhear conversations from the lost world as they speak of divorce, visitation rights, and child support. It’s wicked. You do not will these things in our lives. How long will Amy hold onto anger and unforgiveness against me? Lord, touch her heart. Right now it is like stone. Only You can change this. Help me Lord. I hurt all day and night.

Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7

There were many times I did not feel cared for, valued or loved. When I found myself in those circumstances, it was usually the result of a negative interaction between my spouse and myself. Too often, instead of going to the Lord and spending time in His Word, I would dwell on the things that were said or done and retreat to a place that existed in my mind where the reality of my suffering took center stage. Thankfully, even in those moments, the Holy Spirit was there to constantly remind me of the 24/7 access to His promises and assurances ever present in His Holy Word. When I made the conscious decision to stop thinking about my circumstances and focus instead on the blessings I’d already been given, as well as the hope I had in Christ, the sooner my outlook, perspective and emotional mood changed.

As I began to regularly journal, the Lord would oftentimes guide me past the pain as the words would flow from my pen. The more I wrote and released the inner suffering, the more I sensed the presence of the Holy Spirit as I felt the weight of my burden being lightened as He took the yolk upon Himself. What a Savior we serve! Not only is He the Wonderful Counselor, but He is a real friend and encouragement when we need Him the most. Standers, as you suffer for the sake of Christ, remember that He is always right there beside you. He desires to hear and listen to you. Whether you reach out to Him through handwritten entries in your journal or speak to Him in times of prayer, I encourage you to fully give your burden over to Jesus. He is the only one able to sufficiently minister to your heart and mind during these times of trial and tribulation. In Him there is hope and rest!

In Christ,
Tommy Larson

 

Faithfulness, Healing and Reconciliation, Spiritual Warfare

Finding Freedom from Your Past

Amy Larson

As a biblical counselor, I consider it a great honor to serve and walk alongside individuals that are struggling to find their footing. It wasn’t long ago that I myself was striving. I had lost sight of the cross and was lured in by the enemy who planted doubt and confusion in my mind specifically related to events from my past. (Remind you of Genesis 3 by chance?) I had allowed Satan a foothold into my life and he cleverly twisted my thoughts and skewed my view on reality.

I eventually gave in to the enemy’s temptation and started running in the opposite direction from the Lord and from my husband. I had communicated to Tommy that I had forgiven him, however, I neglected to connect the dots between forgiveness, repentance and reconciliation. Instead of accepting his sincere apology and addressing our marital issues, I paved the road to divorce with bitterness in my heart and wrath on my lips. My words were damaging and were intended to bring about vengeance. Reminding Tommy of his past failures was motivated by my desire to elicit sympathy for myself and inflict pain on him. I felt completely justified in my actions because my heart had grown hardened towards him and I felt he deserved harsh punishment for the way he had treated me over the past 10 years.

As I reflect back, I’m so thankful Tommy was receiving sound biblical advice. Several godly men directed him to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and disregard mine. He was not bound by my words because the soft whispers of the Spirit drowned out all the accusations I hurled at him. With time, I realized my words were no longer effecting Tommy or his stand for our marriage. I could have attempted to use other weapons in my arsenal, but thankfully God’s plan and pursuit of my heart came to fruition and the veil was lifted from my eyes. With clear vision, there was nothing left to do but turn to the Lord and address my past biblically.

But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

Did you hear that dear friends? Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM! Aren’t those sweet words that we need to hear and be reminded of time and time again? We are not hopeless victims that can never recover from our past. We have the power of the Holy Spirit working in us to set us free and break the chains. Behind our bondage and every bad habit or behavior is a lie. When we speak falsehoods to ourselves and play untrue thoughts frequently, we convince ourselves that they are true. Commit your mind to the Lord so the lies can be eradicated and the Spirit can do a powerful work in your life. Christ made a way for us to find freedom from our past, in Him and through Him by His death on the cross.

Divorce, Forgiveness, Healing and Reconciliation, Marriage

The Shame Game

Amy Larson

Everyone has an opinion these days, nowhere is this more evident than on social media. It doesn’t take long for a heated debate to flare up in the comments section. But, what good does it do to argue with strangers online? Often it is more about shaming or proving a point than it is about showing concern or understanding those with opposing views. The fact is that we won’t win people over by arguing with them.

This same lesson can be applied to our prodigal spouses. We can’t persuade them to see the folly of their ways by pointing out all of their “obvious” missteps. If our loved ones constantly hear us shaming them, they will withdraw and push us further away. Any progress on the path to restoration may be delayed simply because we have not learned to fully trust God during the standing process.

It isn’t our place to shame our prodigal for their bad behavior no matter how tempting it may be. Only the Holy Spirit can bring about conviction to the heart of our beloveds. This truth should be a blessing as it relieves us from this burden. That’s not to say as though we can’t do anything to influence or change our spouses’ direction. There are ways our words and actions can play a role in fostering conviction, but it must be done in obedience to God’s prompting and with great humility and love.

During our pause, Tommy realized early on that he couldn’t guilt me into repentance. (Furthermore, his efforts would have been counterproductive given my heart condition.) Instead, he used God’s Word as his guide and modeled his actions after the father in the parable of the the lost son (Luke 15:11-32). In this example in scripture, the father does not send his servants to track down the prodigal son. Nor does he question or lecture him; but rather, he patiently waits and eagerly watches for his son’s return. Although I know Tommy was frustrated by my selfish and rebellious behavior, it was the loving way he demonstrated grace and mercy that captured my attention. Our journey to reconciliation was arduous at times, but it was only accomplished through patience, humility, sacrifice and forgiveness.

May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you. Psalms‬ ‭25:21

Dear friend, if you have found yourself in a place where you are constantly confronting your prodigal, remind yourself that shaming won’t bring about the transformational change you desire to see in your spouse. It can be difficult accepting the fact that all you can do is pray for your loved one and wait on God’s perfect timing, but if the Father has called you to stand for your marriage, those should be your priorities. We often resort to shaming when we neglect the truth that it is God alone that has the power to realign hearts and heal relationships.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Authority, Faithfulness, Healing and Reconciliation

The Ultimate Judge

Tommy Larson
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For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back? Isaiah 14:27

While the Lord has appointed rulers, judges and political administrations to govern over the affairs of men, there is a limit to their authority. Decrees, verdicts and judgments handed out by those in power carry with them an aura of finality and settledness. Indeed, when the words of a judge are spoken, the trajectory a person’s life path is forever altered. That is, unless a higher authority intervenes.

The more we read Scripture and better equipped we become to understand the power and sovereignty of the Father, the greater perspective we have on events that happen here on this earth and in our own lives. As a stander for my marriage, even when the divorce decree was handed down that “dissolved” my marriage, my conviction to live faithfully to the covenant bride the Lord joined me together with, remained steadfast and unwavering. It wasn’t a matter of not recognizing the authority of the judge who issued the decree. Rather, it was the knowledge of a “higher” authority that kept me on the straight and narrow and obedient to the vows and covenant that was made over ten years earlier. I give thanks to God for equipping me, through His grace, to press on and stay the course. It was not easy.

Recently, I had a phone conversation with a stander living in another part of the state. Prior to this specific talk, I had sensed a weariness and sadness in his spirit as the court date for his divorce drew near. By this time, there was literally nothing my friend could have done to delay the proceedings or to persuade his prodigal wife to abandon her plans. Despite this, my friend continued to pray and believe in faith that the Lord was working.

As the days continued, the weekend before the trial had arrived. My friend decided to go through his mail and catchup on matters that needed attention. Low and behold, in that stack of letters was a notification informing him the court date had to be moved due to an “emergency case” his wife’s attorney couldn’t avoid. As a result, he would not be divorced on the day the judge had declared. This dramatic change of events resulted in a marriage that remains intact and will so for the remainder of this year. Praise God! But what is so encouraging about this news was the fact that the judge had denied my friend’s request to delay the proceedings and was adamant the trial would occur on a specific date. In other words, “Your marriage will end on this date, and there is nothing you can do about it!” But God intervened! It didn’t matter this particular judge said the divorce would happen on a certain date. A more powerful judge decided it wouldn’t!

All the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, But He does according to His will in the host of heaven And among the inhabitants of earth; And no one can ward off His hand Or say to Him, ‘What have You done?’ Daniel 4:35

While the above example is a great encouragement to standers and those praying for restoration, we must be careful to recognize that it is the power of God which thwarts the intentions of man and that we are held to account for our submission to authority while in this world. Consider the Old Testament story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and the fiery furnace.  They were sentenced to a horrific death by King Nebuchadnezzar, yet despite this, these faithful servants of the Lord did not resist what was coming. If their circumstances were to change, it could only be done as a result of God’s supreme power and divine intervention. And indeed it was. God protected and saved the three Hebrew men resulting in glory being brought to Himself. God willed his faithful followers be subject to the demands of the wicked Babylonian king and in so doing, accomplished his ultimate purposes.

Our takeaway from this story is the challenge to remain faithful to God, while at the same time staying obedient to human authorities. We cannot prevent our prodigals from pursuing the path that ultimately leads to destruction. We can put up roadblocks and resist things we know to be sinful. Legally speaking, I did everything in my power to delay our divorce and postpone the inevitable. I understood though, that even if the divorce went through, God still was in control and Amy’s heart could be changed. As that dreadful day came and went, it became crystal clear that it was going to be the power of God alone and His authority that would overrule and restore a marriage an earthly judge had dissolved.  And that’s exactly what happened in God’s perfect timing.

Dear friends, this time of year is very challenging for standers. It’s especially hard to remain positive and cheerful in the face of a troubled marriage headed down the wrong path. But be encouraged! If this season is a reminder of anything, it is that God is a big believer in restoration and reconciliation. In fact, the gift of His Son is exactly that; the ultimate sacrifice which reconciled a sinful people to a holy God.

May the Lord bless and encourage you this Christmas season!

In Christ,
Tommy Larson

Uncategorized

Happy Thanksgiving

Amy Larson

IMG_4348I recently captured this image of Tommy and our boys and it instantly became a favorite. It reminds me of the old hymn penned by B.B. McKinney.

Wherever He leads I’ll go
Wherever He leads I’ll go
I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so
Wherever He leads I’ll go

He drew me closer to His side
I sought His will to know
And in that will I now abide
Wherever He leads I’ll go

I am so thankful we have a Heavenly Father that pursues us, who gently takes us by the hand and leads us to His side. Whatever you may be facing today dear friends, be encouraged and thankful knowing Christ is walking the path with you. May you and yours have a blessed Thanksgiving!

“I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.” Psalms 9:1

Healing and Reconciliation

Stand in the Gap

Amy Larson

Stand in the Gap

It was exactly two years ago that my and Tommy’s journey took a turn in the complete opposite direction in which it was headed. We were divorced, living in separate houses and sharing custody of our boys when a God-sized event woke me up to the reality of our situation. My mom, with whom I was very close, passed away unexpectedly. Just as unexpectedly, someone I viewed as an enemy became an unlikely hero. Losing a loved one can alter your perspective on life dramatically and God used my mom’s passing to show me what truly mattered in life: the value of love, commitment, and my covenant to God as well as to my husband.

For the first time since our separation, I wasn’t hostile towards Tommy, but rather I was accepting of his love. The walls around my heart began to crumble. It’s not that he was doing anything differently or loving me more than he had in the past, it was my perspective of his actions that had changed. I allowed him to take care of me and comfort me like no other human could. Only Tommy understood the hurt and pain the boys and I were enduring because he was there, bearing the burden with us. We all lost someone special in our lives that day, including my covenant husband.

I never saw the death of my beloved mother coming and I certainly hadn’t planned for what life would be like without her. But, God knew and had prepared my heart before it ever happened. He had also prepared Tommy’s heart by teaching him to patiently wait on the Lord. Tommy became a hero not because he possessed super powers or wore a cape, but because he had continually been obedient and listened to God’s prompting. He stood in the gap for nearly two years prior to this event waiting and looking to Heaven for the appointed time God had set aside for him. When that time came, Tommy stood up and stepped in to love me in a mighty way.

I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found no one.
Ezekiel‬ ‭22:30‬

I’m so thankful when God looked for someone to stand in the gap for me, He saw Tommy. He interceded on my behalf and held me up so the enemy could not gain an advantage over me. Even in the difficult times, Tommy loved enough for both of us and believed God would work a miracle in our broken marriage. God used an unexpected event in my life to capture my attention and to lead me to repentance. He also used the death of my mother to restore me to Himself as well as restore me to the love of my life.

Dear friend, if you are standing in the gap for your loved one, I want to encourage you to continue your stand. You may be the only one fighting on your loved one’s behalf. Perhaps your God-sized event is just around the corner.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Couseling, Healing and Reconciliation

Godly Grief Produces Repentance

Amy Larson

Repentance

I’ve recently had conversations on a subject I wish I never had to address. Domestic violence makes my heart cringe because of the profound pain and severe damage it ensues. It’s terribly heartbreaking and difficult to discuss, but it can also be challenging because of the fear, stigma and misinformation that surrounds it.

There tends to be a prevailing notion that this is a male issue. However, domestic violence does not discriminate and is carried out by both males and females and plagues many families today. Studies have shown that in our home state of Tennessee, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by their partner.1 These numbers are alarming and even more so when we consider the numerous cases that go unreported every year. Although many of us may shy away from this sensitive subject, we need to address it with great care from a biblical perspective.

Perhaps part of the problem is an unawareness and a confusion of how to handle this issue.  When engaged in discussion regarding domestic violence, I often hear the same two disconcerting narratives. One is the belief the abused must remain in the home, pray harder and trust God will take care of them. The other is to never return home because the abuser will always be an abuser.

Sending someone into harm’s way and advising them to “pray harder and trust God to take care them” is reckless and unwise counsel. Although there is an element of truth, we need to trust the sovereign care of the Lord, it ignores other biblical commands such as Psalms 82:4 and Proverbs 24:11. “Rescue the weak and needy, deliver them from the hand of the wicked.” “Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.” As Christians, we have a responsibility to rescue our brothers and sisters especially when they are vulnerable and weary in spirit.

While we should be diligent in not placing someone in an unsafe situation, we should also be interested in their pursuit of reconciliation in their relationship (2 Cor. 13:11). Scripture proves time and time again the Holy Spirit is fully capable of changing hearts and lives no matter how detestable the sins of someone’s past. There is ample evidence in the life of Saul who later became the Apostle Paul. God also changed the hearts of Moses, Rahab, and Zacchaeus as well as a multitude of others. We should never limit the transforming power of the Holy Spirit by believing some people are incapable of change.

If there are indicators of godly sorrow: earnestness, vindication, indignation, fear, longing, zeal, avenging of wrong, innocence in the matter (2 Cor. 7:11), that’s a good sign to carefully move towards restoration. A heartfelt conviction and a deep sadness as a result of the sins that were committed demonstrates a repentant heart.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭7:10‬

On the other hand, if someone has been violent and remains unrepentant, we need to recognize this as a serious problem. When a violator shows no remorse, often times there needs to be a season of separation. This will allow the abuser to work on restoring their relationship with God as well as establish trust with the person they abused. At any time, if there is a sense of danger, or we become aware of someone in danger, we need to involve law enforcement. When violence occurs, not only is it a sin against God and the abused, it is also a crime against the state and needs to be dealt with by the proper authorities.

Dear friend, if you are suffering the painful effects of domestic violence or know someone who is, please do not be afraid to speak up and ask for help. Abuse is abhorrent in the eyes of God because it opposes the very nature of His character. His plan for relationships, particularly those among family, is meant to be a beautiful depiction of God’s love for us. Our desire should mimic the Lord’s desire which is for those involved in domestic abuse to seek healing and full restoration by both the abuser and the abused.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

—
1. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. “Domestic Violence in Tennessee.” NCADV.org. https://www.speakcdn.com/assets/2497/tennessee.pdf (accessed August 24, 2018).

Healing and Reconciliation, Spiritual Warfare

God is in Control

Tommy Larson

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Roughly six months into my marriage stand I found myself desperately trying to affect positive change in Amy’s heart in order to discourage her pursuit of divorce. Often inviting her to spend time with the boys and myself, I had grown used to the excuses for not coming. In one sense, I was in a helpless state. I had no control over whether or not my situation would change but at the end of the day, I didn’t want to look back at my actions and regret failing to act when given the opportunity. Opportunities to show love and kindness were few and far between in those days, so each time one presented itself, it needed to be seized upon.

One particular occasion where the Lord spoke to my spirit comes to mind that is worth sharing. It was a late afternoon on a clear, fall Saturday. I had been given the boys for the weekend and was looking for things to do that could potentially be done by the entire family if Amy agreed to join us. We had purchased a couple kites for the boys and with the day being on the windy side, I thought it a good chance for us to put the kites to the test. I sent Amy a message inviting her to come but as was normally the case, she wasn’t interested. Despite this, I determined to make the occasion one that our boys would enjoy.

I drove us up to a local dam where I had frequently come to fish in the past. There were grassy fields near the banks on both sides of the water that were ideal for kids to play on. We got out the kites and before long they were up in the air flying high in the sky. My oldest son took to it rather quickly, so it wasn’t long after we began that I let him fly the kite by himself. During this time, I stayed busy with the other boys who became more interested in looking for bugs and other treasures than flying kites. Several minutes later I observed Micah getting his kite caught in a nearby tree. Naturally, I came over to assist. I pulled and tugged in every possible direction but it was no use. The kite simply was not coming down. I consoled my son and explained that sometimes things like that happened. It wasn’t his fault and there was really nothing we could do about it.

By that time, the other boys were ready to leave so I started the process of gathering things up and putting the little boys in their car seats. I then opened my door, got in and started the engine. Just before taking the car out of park, I looked up in the air. I noticed the kite Micah had gotten stuck in the tree had become loose and was floating towards us. I continued to watch as it landed right next to the vehicle. I opened the car door, and there it was, laying within arm’s reach.

That people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things. Isaiah 45:6-7

At that moment I was reminded of God’s sovereignty and the fact He was able to accomplish what I was unable to under my own power and strength. This timely lesson served to reorient my perspective and move me away from patterns of thinking that led to anxiety and self focus. The kite became a metaphor which represented my troubled marriage. Fought as I could to restore it, I realized the work had to be done by Almighty God who was far more able to accomplish what needed to be done.

While it’s easy to be discouraged when the efforts to reach our prodigal spouse fall flat and sometimes even result in more pain and further division, you must know that at any time, God has the power and authority to free your husband or wife from the clutches of the enemy. Do not grow weary in showing kindness and love when given the chance. Continue to extend grace and humility at every opportunity. Know and believe that God, in his perfect timing, will reward those who diligently seek him. The “kite” that may represent your marriage right now is not destined to remain stuck in a tree. As long as God is sovereign (and He always will be), there is hope that restoration and healing will one day be headed your way!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Christian Walk, Divorce, Healing and Reconciliation, Marriage

Be Authentic

Amy Larson

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The authenticity of your marriage stand if not 100% genuine, will be evident to your prodigal. If your motivation for wanting reconciliation does not come from a heart that is fully devoted to God and keeping His covenant, chances are your running spouse will continue to run. The most effective way to gain your loved one’s attention is to live out your devotion to the Lord in an active pursuit of holiness. Nothing will speak to your prodigal in a more profound manner than when you remain malleable and cooperate with the Holy Spirit to bring about transformation in your life.

As you grow more deeply connected to Christ, your pursuit can’t help but be demonstrated by modeling a love for your prodigal they have never seen before through acts of kindness and service. God can use your marriage stand to tear down the walls that have been erected no matter the heights. But, your desire for an intimate relationship with Him must precede your desire for reconciliation. When it does, your prodigal will take notice. Unfortunately, this does not mean your loved one will take action immediately. It may take weeks, months or even years.

God softened Tommy’s heart rather quickly into his stand. Shortly after our separation he began biblical counseling and addressing some deep issues that plagued our marriage. As he was seeking help, and attempting to explain the transformation God was performing in his heart and life, I cast it off as excuses. After ten years of hearing the same promise for change, I was no longer interested in seeing if he was sincere in his claims. Even though he owned his faults and was taking responsibility for his actions, I was incapable of witnessing any true changes because I had grown calloused.

There was a much needed growth process for both of us and God had some refining work to do in our lives before we were to be reconciled. Over time, as Tommy matured in his faith, he developed a deeper understanding of how to better love me. When I recognized his walk with the Lord was authentic and his genuine love for me was a reflection of His love for Christ, I was compelled by the Holy Spirit to be more receptive to his true motivations.

Tommy showed me what he valued by how he invested his time. During his nearly two year stand, he made it clear that his covenant to God was the first priority and his covenant to me was second. I’m so grateful he did not give up on our marriage and allowed the light of Christ to shine through him so brightly that everyone took notice, eventually even me. Although I will never fully understand because I did not walk in Tommy’s shoes, now that we have been reunited, I can comprehend how painstakingly difficult it was for him to endure the heartache he suffered for the sake of our covenant. We could not reach restoration until our hearts had been healed and transformed.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11

Dear friend, there is a purpose and a design for what is happening in your life. As God disciplines, teaches and corrects you, trust Him through the process. How amazing will it be to look back one day and see how God used the darkest hours of your stand to shine light into the hardened heart of your loved one? Be strong and take courage.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Uncategorized

When Restoration Becomes Idolatry

Tommy Larson
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And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Mark 12:30

Perhaps the greatest struggle of the stander is to balance our pursuit of holiness alongside the desire to see our marriages restored. While reconciliation and restoration are Biblical and fall in line with God’s plan and purpose for believers, we must be careful not to elevate our intense desire for oneness with our covenant spouse over our love and devotion to the Father.

In the early stages of my separation from Amy, I was consumed with doing whatever it took to restore our marriage. To say I was obsessed with restoration was an understatement. I can readily admit there not being a waking moment when my mind was not focussed on finding the one thing that would reunite my wife and I. In my efforts, I recall writing letters, buying her gifts, offering to run errands, and a host of other sincere, heartfelt actions. While all of these may have seemed worthwhile and good at the time, they only served to further harden her spirit. They were having the complete opposite effect of what I felt they should. The fact was, her heart wasn’t ready for restoration. All truth be told, neither was mine.

As the weeks and months continued, our relationship progressively deteriorated. During this time, I became convicted of the fact that I had been guilty of placing my desire for restoration above my desire to be fully submitted to Christ. It wasn’t easy to admit. As I reflected on my spent time and energies, the more I couldn’t ignore the fact that I had unwittingly elevated my covenant spouse to a position she had no business holding. It may seem a bit strange to consider the desire for a reconciled marriage as sin, but what I suggest is that it wasn’t the godly desire was wrong; it was that the godly desire was misplaced.

…for I the Lord your God am a jealous God. Exodus 34:14

Are you spending all your time worried and fretting about the condition of your marriage? Is the sum total of your energies devoted to restoration outweighing the time that should be spent in developing a closer relationship with Christ? When we place anything above our love for God and the desire to serve him, that “thing” becomes an idol. An idol can be represented by anything that stands before us and our Lord.

It is entirely possible that in your stand, you may be guilty of doing what we’ve shared here. Full and complete submission to God doesn’t means you abandon your prodigal. We are not suggesting this. What we do advocate for however, is a reordering of our priorities if we are to remain fully committed to holiness. Practically speaking, this could mean that you become more involved in local ministries at your church serving others. Or perhaps you spend more time in prayer; time that may have otherwise been devoted to figuring out ways to reach your spouse.

Make no mistake, Christ is honored in our stands. It brings glory to the Lord when we remain bold in the face of adversity and refuse to walk away from our covenant commitment. Just be mindful that your collective efforts for restoration aren’t detracting with what should be a close, intimate and intentional relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

In Him,
Tommy Larson

Uncategorized

Finding Biblical Steadfastness in the New Year

Purposed Marriage
A radiant cross illuminated from behind, set against a dark background, symbolizing hope and faith.

As we stand at the threshold of a new year, the world around us is buzzing with the rhetoric of “fresh starts” and “new beginnings.” For many, this is a season of resolutions and excitement. But for those of you walking the painful path of divorce, these words can feel like salt in an open wound. You may find yourself looking at the calendar with a sense of dread, wondering how you are supposed to navigate a future that looks nothing like the one you promised before God and witnesses.

Many standers have learned that the turning of a leaf on a calendar does not automatically heal the fractures of the soul. In fact, the start of a year often magnifies the very things we wish to escape: the loneliness, the financial strain, and the heavy weight of broken vows. But as we enter this season, we offer a challenge to look past the worldly advice of “moving on” and instead look upward to the One who authored your life.

The Trap of the “Clean Slate”

The world tells you that a new year is the perfect time to “leave the past behind” and “find your own happiness.” This sounds like a relief to a heart that has been battered by conflict. However, we must be careful. If our version of a “new beginning” involves hardening our hearts against the biblical mandate for reconciliation or nursing a spirit of unforgiveness, we are not moving toward healing—we are moving toward a spiritual desert and rebellion.

We often rationalize that because our spouse “broke the covenant first,” we are free to pursue a new life on our own terms. But Scripture reminds us that we serve a God of reconciliation. “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18). This new year, ask yourself: Am I seeking God’s will for my restoration, or am I merely seeking an exit from my pain?

Facing the Giant of Loneliness

The silence of a home can feel deafening during January. The traditions that once defined your year have been stripped away, leaving an ache that feels impossible to fill. You might feel like Mary and Martha, weeping because Jesus didn’t arrive “on time” to save what was dying.

But remember the story of Lazarus. The delay that caused such grief was actually the stage for a greater miracle. If you find yourself alone this year, do not view it as God’s abandonment. View it as an invitation to intimacy. “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him” (Lamentations 3:25). Use this time not to wallow in what was lost, but to feast on the Word. The more intimate your relationship with Christ becomes, the less power the sting of loneliness will have over you.

The Danger of Living in “What If”

As the new year begins, the enemy loves to keep us trapped in the “what ifs.” What if I had done more? What if they never change? This leads to a spirit of anxiety that stifles our faith. We try to put time constraints on God, demanding that He fix our circumstances or our spouse by a certain date.

To do so is a clear demonstration of a lack of faith. We must determine this very day to cast aside our preconceived notions of what “restoration” or “healing” must look like. Acknowledge that Christ alone is the author of your story. If this year brings continued hardship, trust that He is using it to remake you into His image—an image that is pleasing in His sight. Learn to wait on God and rely on His faithfulness.

A Call to Submission

If you are entering this year in the midst of a divorce, do not be led by your emotions or the “logical” advice of friends who do not hold a Kingdom perspective. While the counsel may be coming from a heart of concern and compassion, it may very well be the complete opposite of what is Biblically sound.

Forgiveness is possible, but only if you allow God to change your heart. You must first submit to His authority and acknowledge where pride or bitterness has taken root. Whether you are “standing” for your marriage or navigating the aftermath of a final decree, your priority remains the same: Seek first the Kingdom of God.

The calendar has turned, but God’s Word remains the same. He has provided everything you need to overcome the challenges of this season. It is all right there, contained in His Holy Word. Let this be the year you stop leaning on your own understanding and start walking in total submission to the King, our Lord Jesus Christ.