Tag: restoredmarriage

Prodigals

An Open Letter to Prodigals

Tommy Larson 
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
Isaiah‬ ‭55:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Are you currently facing profound disappointment and weariness in your marriage? Perhaps you’ve reached a point where investing more time feels futile, and you long for a fresh start—a clean break from a partnership where the love has faded.

If these feelings resonate, please take a moment to pause and consider a perspective on marriage that might challenge your current thinking.

The Path You May Be Considering

If you’ve affirmed the desire to leave, you’ve likely already settled on your path. You might rationalize that no one should remain in a “loveless” marriage, that you deserve happiness, and surely, God wouldn’t want you to be miserable. While you may acknowledge the gravity of divorce, you might believe your situation is a unique exception. You may think that restoration and forgiveness are for other marriages—but not yours.

It’s time to confront this belief.

You Entered into a Covenant with Your Spouse and God

Recall the solemn oath you made on your wedding day, spoken before witnesses and Almighty God:

“I take you to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow.”

This vow is rooted in the creation ordinance that Jesus Himself affirmed:

“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 10:6-9)

Once joined in marriage, the mandate is clear: the husband and wife should not be separated. The Bible presents this as a non-negotiable command. To willingly violate God’s law and expect no consequences is a grave mistake.

God Does Not Make “Exceptions” to His Law

You might argue: “My spouse violated the covenant by dishonoring or disrespecting me, so it’s okay for me to walk away.”

This reasoning is fundamentally flawed. Two wrongs do not make a right, and Scripture offers no example where one sin is atoned for by committing another. Jesus’ life demonstrates the opposite: He countered hatred with love, anger with grace, and bitterness with forgiveness.

Your spouse’s behavior does not automatically release you from the marriage covenant. While Jesus mentions a specific context:

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)

Even in the case of adultery, divorce is not required or justified—it is listed as the sole exception that prevents the divorcing party from being found guilty of adultery when remarrying. The underlying issues of anger, unforgiveness, and hard-heartedness that often precede divorce are still offenses for which you will be held accountable.

“Irreconcilable Differences” Undermines the Gospel

The modern concept of “no-fault” or “irreconcilable differences” directly contradicts the core message of Christianity. The entire story of God and humanity is one of reconciliation: a holy God reconciling Himself with sinful beings through Christ.

“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation…” (2 Corinthians 5:18-20)

To claim that the conflict between two individuals is too great for God to repair through His power undermines both the reality of His work and the validity of your own faith.

Stubbornness and Unforgiveness are Spiritual Dangers

The Bible equates stubbornness with dangerous spiritual states:

“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.” (1 Samuel 15:23 KJV)

You cannot truly reconcile forgiveness with the pursuit of divorce. They are fundamentally at odds. If you claim to have forgiven your spouse yet proceed with divorce, you are deceiving yourself. Unforgiveness and a right relationship with God cannot coexist.

Furthermore, seeking divorce to gain personal happiness exalts your wants and desires over God’s will, which the Bible condemns:

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” (Colossians 3:5)

Divorce Sides with the World, Not Christ

The Lord makes His feelings on this issue abundantly clear:

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16 NASB)

Divorce is the antithesis of love. To stand against your spouse in a court of law is to treat them as an enemy—a posture that profoundly damages the Christian witness. As followers of Christ, we are called to stand against the things the world embraces. Defending or advocating for something God says He hates places you in direct opposition to the entire theme of Scripture.

A Time for Repentance and Re-commitment

If this message causes discomfort, be thankful. Your conscience, given by God, is prompting you toward truth. You may be trying to convince others—and yourself—that your decision to divorce is right, but deep down, you know this is not true.

For the sake of your spiritual well-being and your witness, I urge you: Do not go down this path.

One day, you will stand before the Almighty. The excuses you make now will be valueless then. You will be held accountable for denying the truth of Scripture and willingly violating God’s commands.

Do not be foolish. Repent now of your hardened heart and turn back to Christ. His promise is forgiveness. He has a perfect plan for your life, which is realized only when you conform your will to God’s truth, not the other way around.

The time to repent and recommit to your covenant is now. Do not delay.

Contentment, Healing and Reconciliation

Christ is Enough

Tommy Larson

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.

Psalm 16:5

For those in troubled marriages whose spouses have left or checked out emotionally, it’s easy to think of our situations in terms of what is lacking. While it is natural to desire and long for reconciliation and restoration, we need to be mindful of our tendencies to forget the abundance of grace and mercy poured out upon us each and every day.

Reflecting back on my time in the valley, I remember occasions I would give in to despair, or be overwhelmed by the stress and pain the fight for my marriage was causing me to endure. Being in a position now where I can look back and assess my past actions, it’s clear the times I found myself in the lowest emotional state, was when I was focusing on my situation, rather than my identity as a child of God. Back then, I often lacked perspective, and failed to see the broader picture. In reality, that short chapter of my life was an indescribably small segment, compared to the rest of eternity. It’s that same lack of perspective that compels many standers to lose hope for restoration, and instead turn to the fleeting and temporal happiness found elsewhere.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Mature believers in the Lord will understand the practical implications of this reality. For them, contentment in present circumstances is the norm. It is because of this right way of thinking, they are able to endure the hardships, persecution, and suffering that accompanies remaining faithful to marital vows after a partner has walked away. These standers have come to grips with the role God has assigned to them. Obedience and acceptance is the driver and motivator for all they say, do and think. Underlying all of that however, is the understanding that their lives belong to Christ, and that glorifying and growing His Kingdom remains their primary goal and purpose.

Do you find yourself constantly asking God for more? Are you struggling emotionally, and find yourself longing for companionship, and a restored fellowship with your prodigal spouse? If the answer is yes, it shouldn’t come as a surprise. While God has designed us to be relational beings, and has given us hearts and minds meant to connect on deep levels with one another, we need to be mindful not to let our emotions rule over us. Overactive emotions can oftentimes lead us to lose perspective, and act in ways that are not rational. If honest, many reading this will probably admit that being guided by over active emotions in the past, likely contributed to the fractured state of our marriages.

As believers, we need to come to the point when we say to ourselves, “Christ is enough”. In the book of Philippians, Paul tells us to be content, regardless of the circumstances. Practically speaking, this is to say “If the Lord restores my marriage, I will be content.” or “If the Lord delays the restoration of my marriage, I will be content.” It’s not a matter of where we find ourselves in the restoration process that should define our level of contentment. Rather, our state of mind should be characterized by satisfaction, peace and well-being. Remember, the outward expression of our inner heart condition is what the lost world sees displayed in front of their eyes. May our testimonies always reflect the reality of Christ’s abundant grace and goodness.

True, we should all continue to pray God’s will for our marriages, and that restoration occurs in the Lord’s perfect timing. Never cease in this endeavor. But as you make your petitions before the Lord, also ask for contentment. It is when we arrive at the point when we can say, “Christ is truly enough.” that God has us exactly where He wants us. It is in these moments, great and miraculous things can occur!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage

Spiritual Warfare, Temptation

Be Ready for Attack!

Tommy Larson

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world

1 Peter 5:8-9 ESV

Through the course of our ministry, my wife and I have heard from many standers. One recurring question we have heard deals with how to handle attacks from a prodigal spouse. In most cases, the “attacks” come in the form of verbal abuse, passive aggressive actions, or blatant inappropriate behavior with a member of the opposite sex. In any case, it matters little how the attacks come packaged. The ensuing trauma and devastation sustained by standers can so painful as to leave many to wonder if saving the marriage is even worth it.

If you have felt this in the course of your stand, believe me when I say you are not alone. In the midst of my time in the valley, there were many occasions when I cried out to God begging that he would cause the pain to go away or to help me understand why everything was happening the way it was. At that stage of the battle, I was still at a point where I didn’t know how to handle the circumstances I was in. I failed to discern the spiritual nature of what was happening or how to successfully defend myself against the enemy’s attacks. To serve as an example, I submit the following diary entry.

My heart aches. The emptiness that consumes me is ever present. Oh my children! So innocent. So undeserving of any of this. Amy, why do you hate me so? Why can you not see what you are doing? Lord, what am I to do? I know my response must be love, but should this love confront Amy with the word of truth? When I do, it falls on deaf ears. She doesn’t hear me. She cares nothing for me. I am worthless to her. – October 25, 2015

At the time of that particular writing, I had fallen into a despondent and thoroughly depressed state of mind. So worn down by the enemy I was. Tired, defeated and utterly hopeless could best describe me then. But despite my fragile condition, the Lord was working. It was only after I had been brought to a place of true repentance and submission, I became able to discerned the strategy of the evil one, and see with my own eyes, his wicked hands and voice of deception at work. This same modus operandi of Satan has been around since the fall of man. It is a tried and true tactic that has worked nearly every time it’s been used. But despite the effectiveness, there is one memorable example in Scripture where the strategy didn’t work.

If you recall the New Testament story of Jesus being tempted in the wilderness, you’ll remember that in every instance where Satan attempted to deceive Christ, Jesus’ immediate response was to call upon Scripture. You’ll notice that Satan didn’t attempt to argue when confronted with absolute truth. Instead, he moved on to a different temptation and lie. Jesus responded the same way He did previously. Eventually, Satan gave up and left. He knew the attempts to deceive were of no use. In other words, the enemy’s attacks simply rolled off Jesus’ back. Our Lord was equipped and prepared to thwart what was coming at Him, because He was filled with a knowledge of the truth. This comes only from the Word of God.

And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.”

Rev. 12:10 ESV

Attacks come via direct orders from the ultimate enemy, Satan, who is described as the great deceiver and accuser. Prodigals under the enemy’s control, will point the finger of judgement and blame at standers as a means to take the focus and spotlight off of their own sinful behaviors. This is a typical strategy meant to deflect and avoid confronting their own iniquities. As long as the focus is on you, whether it is your past or what they interpret as your “wrong” behavior now, they are free and clear to pursue whatever lifestyle choice they desire. Attacking and accusing you, often of the very things they are doing, is an intentional act meant to control the narrative and to frame their perspective on things in such a way as to condone their own behavior and demonize yours.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

Eph. 6:13 ESV

We know from Scripture there is nothing new under the sun. The lies and accusations your prodigal is uttering now, have been used over and over again by sinners looking to justify their behavior. If you are standing for truth and your marriage, the attacks will come, however, you must not take them to heart nor allow them to negatively impact your identity as a child of Christ. Rightly interpret the attacks for what they are; desperate attempts from a defeated enemy who knows his days are numbered. Standers need to deflect what is coming at them by equipping themselves with the Word of Truth. The enemy has no answer for this and never will.

To be clear, we are not advocating for engaging in a shouting contest with your prodigal as they hurl accusations and you respond by quoting back Scripture. On the contrary, when the fiery darts come, stay calm, collected and composed. Respectfully walking away from a potentially volatile situation is far better and much wiser, than giving into your emotions and once and for all, letting your prodigal spouse have it. Let God be the one who delivers justice. You be the one who focuses on demonstrating grace, perseverance and forgiveness.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage