Tag: stopdivorce

Faithfulness, Healing and Reconciliation, Holidays

New Year, New Resolve

Tommy Larson

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

Every new year brings with it a sense of fresh starts, renewed commitments and strengthened resolve. Depending on who you are listening to, the target of these resolutions may tend to focus on the external. Whether it’s shedding a few pounds, reading more, learning a new skill, or simply stepping out of our comfort zones and trying something new, the arrival of January 1st marks the point when many will begin their new journey. Unfortunately, this is also a time when many marriages hanging on by a thread get pushed to their limits and one or both parties decide it’s time to call it quits.

Making it through the holidays is challenging enough on its own. Normal holiday stressors, along with knowing what your spouse may be planning for the new year and doing everything within your power to prevent it from coming to pass, puts us in situations that are extremely challenging and difficult. Reflecting back, I remember the first Christmas apart from my wife saw me spend considerable time praying God would do a work in her heart and that the new year would bring healing and reconciliation. Surprisingly, there were more than a couple moments during the holiday season I actually sensed this may have been coming to pass. But unfortunately, those moments were short lived. Despite seeing what appeared to be real signs of promise in both word and deed, my prodigal eventually returned to the flesh and continued to willingly travel the road that led to destruction. Cleary, God had more work to do.

For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.

Matthew 7:12 ESV

Now more than ever, the question we need to ask ourselves is if we are truly committed to standing for our marriage despite what we may see or know is coming over the horizon. An ungodly worldview void of biblical and eternal perspectives will tell you happiness and fulfillment is within your reach if you just let go of the past and move forward. We are told some marriages just don’t work out, and it’s better to leave an unhappy marriage, than to stay in a relationship where your emotional needs aren’t being met. Of course, this type of advice sounds great to the person who is hurting and has perhaps endured years of mistreatment and neglect. After all, don’t we all deserve to be happy and to not have to live in an environment where we find ourselves anxious, on edge, and unfulfilled? Biblically speaking, the answer is, no. In truth, what each of us deserves is an eternity in hell. Fortunately for us, because of the Father’s mercy and grace, we are promised an eternity with Him in glory, if we put our faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Let this truth sink in and penetrate your soul the next time your heart turns and begins to long for what friends, family and those without a godly perspective say you deserve.

If you are in this stand for the long haul, let this new year mark the starting point for a renewed and strengthened resolve that will reject worldly counsel, and instead cling to the cross of Christ and his promise of hope and fulfillment. Your prodigal needs you now more than ever. It could very well be that God has the enemy on the ropes. Do you have the endurance required to finish the fight and end the battle? Are you going to give up on your spouse, your children and perhaps future generations because you are tired and weary? Purpose now to stand strong and believe in your heart that God is not done with you or your marriage. 2020 could very well be the year God has ordained for restoration to occur!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Spiritual Warfare, Temptation

Don’t Be Complacent

Tommy Larson

They have all fallen away; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one.

Psalm 53:5

If you are standing for your marriage or have experienced the Lord miraculously restore the relationship between you and your spouse, there may come a point when you become comfortable or lax in your walk with Jesus. If you are like me, the desire to possess an intimate and close fellowship with the Savior can be a struggle. Far too often, the very things that should rightfully occupy the inner parts of our hearts take a back seat to what is fleshly, temporal and fleeting.

Recently, I’ve become aware of areas in my own life where complacency has taken hold. What has become clear and glaringly apparent is the fact that this attitude usually is a result of our unwillingness to be proactive and intentional in our pursuit of righteousness on a routine basis. Unfortunately, deviation from deliberate efforts to fully submit to God have the potential to put us in situations where our hearts can become vulnerable to the attacks from the enemy. It’s a dangerous place to be and an environment we as believers should always seek to avoid.

So vitally important to understand is that none of us are above reproach and what exists in our hearts will never come close to being good. In fact, what is there is described as deceptive and wicked by the Word of God. This should serve as a sobering reminder should any think he or she is beyond scrutiny and incapable of turning astray. I’m reminded of the story of Peter and the circumstances that led to his denying Christ three times. Surely if any person had a right relationship with the Lord it would be Peter, right? One can easily assume this, but if we view this apostle from a lens focused squarely on his human imperfections and sin nature, it becomes easier to understand how this event likely occurred.

Before Peter’s outward denying of the Savior, there were already failures at the heart level. In other words, the spiritual battle Peter was in had already been lost long before the infamous cursing came from his lips. As Scripture tells us, it is out of the abundance of the heart, that our mouths speak. This is also true of what we do with our hands, think in our head, or look upon with our eyes. It all begins in the heart. It is due to this corruption that the sinful and ungodly actions of the flesh are born out and made manifest.

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8

At this point, you may be thinking to yourself that if someone like Peter who was so close to Christ fell so easily, what hope do we have? The answer is simple. The hope you have is not in yourself or in your ability to fight the enemy on your own. Your hope is in Jesus. He is the one able to strengthen and equip you. His Word is what prepares you for battle and provides you the armor to withstand the attacks of the evil one. We must rely on Him completely and not leave ourselves vulnerable by assuming anything concerning the virtue and integrity we foolishly think we possess.

There were times in my stand when I did feel extremely confident about my walk with the Lord and the work He had done in my life. But even in those moments, there was danger lurking at every corner seeking to lead me astray. It was only by the grace of God and the empowering of the Holy Spirit that potentially harmful situations and opportunities were kept at bay.

The challenge we all face is clear. A relentless enemy is on the attack. He will use anyone and anything to lead us down the path of darkness. Be constantly aware of these dangerous snares and entrapments. Don’t let your vulnerabilities during these valley experiences allow the evil one to gain access to the doors of your heart. Purpose now to cling to the cross. May we all remain broken before Jesus and understand the importance of our full and complete submission to Him. It is only through Christ that victory will be found.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Uncategorized

I’m Sorry

Tommy Larson

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

James 5:16

Coming to grips with the responsibility and role we may have played in helping create an environment fertile and ripe for divorce is a tough pill to swallow. Oftentimes we don’t become fully aware of how selfish and sinful behaviors can affect our spouses until it is too late. For me, when I finally looked in the mirror and became aware of what I had become, my wife’s heart had grown cold and calloused. Sadly, we hear so many similar stories from standers who waited too long before they realized the error and foolishness of their ways. So often it’s only when they’ve heard the words, “It’s over” does there become an awareness of the need for true and genuine repentance.

Shortly after being asked to leave our home, I desperately looked for ways to express sorrow and remorse to my wife. Phone calls, letters, text messages… I exhausted all the options I had at my fingertips. Nothing was getting through. I remember thinking to myself that if she only knew how sincere I was, her mind would change. But as the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, and months into years, the more I realized and understood the unforgiveness reigning in her heart could not be brought down by mere words alone.

My pastor, who had been counseling with me at the time, shared a music video he thought I’d relate to. From the first moment I heard it, I was moved. So perfectly did this song capture what I was feeling and thinking on the inside, that it became an instant favorite and to this day, occupies a special place in my heart. The lyrics captured the very essence of my emotions at the time and effectively expressed what I was unable to with my own words.

Over the next several days, I found myself listening to this song constantly and felt a strong desire to share it with my wife. I hesitated and waffled back and forth over whether or not I should. Ultimately, I decided to go ahead and do it. In my text message to her, I remember saying something along the lines of, “This song was shared with me and I was deeply moved by it. It sums up what I’ve wanted to say to you for a long time.” I sent the message on a cool Saturday morning with low expectations for a positive reaction from Amy. A little while later, while on my way to a local park with our boys, I received a text message back simply saying, “Thank you for sharing this…” There was no sarcasm or anything close to what resembled so many of the other messages I’d been used to receiving. I was very grateful for this and thanked the Lord the communication was received with the right spirit. I prayed that God would take the song’s message and use it to speak to Amy’s heart.

We never spoke of that shared experience until after the Lord brought us back together. When we did, I was surprised to learn how deeply the song had moved her. Amy informed me that after hearing it for the first time, she finally began to understand how truly sorry I was for everything. Up to that point, she would have told you that any expressed sorrow on my end was done solely with the motivation of fixing our marriage. In other words, it wasn’t genuine. But after hearing the message of the song, her perspective dramatically changed. I was also quite surprised to learn that she would often cry herself to sleep at night while listening to it. Although the piece wasn’t enough to change her mind about going through with the divorce, it did ultimately have an impact. Over time, it served to help soften and quell the anger inside her heart. God used this powerful song to touch my prodigal. There is no doubt about it in my mind. To this day, I still get choked up and emotional when listening to it.

We can’t ever be sure of what or who God is going to use to help bring our prodigals home. One thing is certain though. He can use anything or anyone, even a song like this. Perhaps you find yourself in a situation where you are living with sadness and regret over the role you may have played in hardening your spouse’s heart. If this is the case, please know and understand that if you have confessed the sin to God, He has forgiven you. If you have gone to your prodigal in the hopes of seeking forgiveness and your efforts have been callously rebuffed, do not lose heart. Forgiveness and healing can often take extended periods of time. The “quick fix” solution that exists in some of our minds must be overcome if we have committed to remain in this battle for the long haul. We need to acknowledge that it is God who determines how and when restoration will occur. Yes, we have a role to play, but we will never be in a position to control or manipulate the hearts and minds of our prodigals. Let the Lord do what only He can, and while you wait, continue to walk humbly and with perseverance as you travel down this road.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson