Tag: savemymarriage

Prodigals

An Open Letter to Prodigals

Tommy Larson 
Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
Isaiah‬ ‭55:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Are you currently facing profound disappointment and weariness in your marriage? Perhaps you’ve reached a point where investing more time feels futile, and you long for a fresh start—a clean break from a partnership where the love has faded.

If these feelings resonate, please take a moment to pause and consider a perspective on marriage that might challenge your current thinking.

The Path You May Be Considering

If you’ve affirmed the desire to leave, you’ve likely already settled on your path. You might rationalize that no one should remain in a “loveless” marriage, that you deserve happiness, and surely, God wouldn’t want you to be miserable. While you may acknowledge the gravity of divorce, you might believe your situation is a unique exception. You may think that restoration and forgiveness are for other marriages—but not yours.

It’s time to confront this belief.

You Entered into a Covenant with Your Spouse and God

Recall the solemn oath you made on your wedding day, spoken before witnesses and Almighty God:

“I take you to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow.”

This vow is rooted in the creation ordinance that Jesus Himself affirmed:

“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 10:6-9)

Once joined in marriage, the mandate is clear: the husband and wife should not be separated. The Bible presents this as a non-negotiable command. To willingly violate God’s law and expect no consequences is a grave mistake.

God Does Not Make “Exceptions” to His Law

You might argue: “My spouse violated the covenant by dishonoring or disrespecting me, so it’s okay for me to walk away.”

This reasoning is fundamentally flawed. Two wrongs do not make a right, and Scripture offers no example where one sin is atoned for by committing another. Jesus’ life demonstrates the opposite: He countered hatred with love, anger with grace, and bitterness with forgiveness.

Your spouse’s behavior does not automatically release you from the marriage covenant. While Jesus mentions a specific context:

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)

Even in the case of adultery, divorce is not required or justified—it is listed as the sole exception that prevents the divorcing party from being found guilty of adultery when remarrying. The underlying issues of anger, unforgiveness, and hard-heartedness that often precede divorce are still offenses for which you will be held accountable.

“Irreconcilable Differences” Undermines the Gospel

The modern concept of “no-fault” or “irreconcilable differences” directly contradicts the core message of Christianity. The entire story of God and humanity is one of reconciliation: a holy God reconciling Himself with sinful beings through Christ.

“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation…” (2 Corinthians 5:18-20)

To claim that the conflict between two individuals is too great for God to repair through His power undermines both the reality of His work and the validity of your own faith.

Stubbornness and Unforgiveness are Spiritual Dangers

The Bible equates stubbornness with dangerous spiritual states:

“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry.” (1 Samuel 15:23 KJV)

You cannot truly reconcile forgiveness with the pursuit of divorce. They are fundamentally at odds. If you claim to have forgiven your spouse yet proceed with divorce, you are deceiving yourself. Unforgiveness and a right relationship with God cannot coexist.

Furthermore, seeking divorce to gain personal happiness exalts your wants and desires over God’s will, which the Bible condemns:

“Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” (Colossians 3:5)

Divorce Sides with the World, Not Christ

The Lord makes His feelings on this issue abundantly clear:

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Malachi 2:16 NASB)

Divorce is the antithesis of love. To stand against your spouse in a court of law is to treat them as an enemy—a posture that profoundly damages the Christian witness. As followers of Christ, we are called to stand against the things the world embraces. Defending or advocating for something God says He hates places you in direct opposition to the entire theme of Scripture.

A Time for Repentance and Re-commitment

If this message causes discomfort, be thankful. Your conscience, given by God, is prompting you toward truth. You may be trying to convince others—and yourself—that your decision to divorce is right, but deep down, you know this is not true.

For the sake of your spiritual well-being and your witness, I urge you: Do not go down this path.

One day, you will stand before the Almighty. The excuses you make now will be valueless then. You will be held accountable for denying the truth of Scripture and willingly violating God’s commands.

Do not be foolish. Repent now of your hardened heart and turn back to Christ. His promise is forgiveness. He has a perfect plan for your life, which is realized only when you conform your will to God’s truth, not the other way around.

The time to repent and recommit to your covenant is now. Do not delay.

Spiritual Warfare, Temptation

Be Ready for Attack!

Tommy Larson

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world

1 Peter 5:8-9 ESV

Through the course of our ministry, my wife and I have heard from many standers. One recurring question we have heard deals with how to handle attacks from a prodigal spouse. In most cases, the “attacks” come in the form of verbal abuse, passive aggressive actions, or blatant inappropriate behavior with a member of the opposite sex. In any case, it matters little how the attacks come packaged. The ensuing trauma and devastation sustained by standers can so painful as to leave many to wonder if saving the marriage is even worth it.

If you have felt this in the course of your stand, believe me when I say you are not alone. In the midst of my time in the valley, there were many occasions when I cried out to God begging that he would cause the pain to go away or to help me understand why everything was happening the way it was. At that stage of the battle, I was still at a point where I didn’t know how to handle the circumstances I was in. I failed to discern the spiritual nature of what was happening or how to successfully defend myself against the enemy’s attacks. To serve as an example, I submit the following diary entry.

My heart aches. The emptiness that consumes me is ever present. Oh my children! So innocent. So undeserving of any of this. Amy, why do you hate me so? Why can you not see what you are doing? Lord, what am I to do? I know my response must be love, but should this love confront Amy with the word of truth? When I do, it falls on deaf ears. She doesn’t hear me. She cares nothing for me. I am worthless to her. – October 25, 2015

At the time of that particular writing, I had fallen into a despondent and thoroughly depressed state of mind. So worn down by the enemy I was. Tired, defeated and utterly hopeless could best describe me then. But despite my fragile condition, the Lord was working. It was only after I had been brought to a place of true repentance and submission, I became able to discerned the strategy of the evil one, and see with my own eyes, his wicked hands and voice of deception at work. This same modus operandi of Satan has been around since the fall of man. It is a tried and true tactic that has worked nearly every time it’s been used. But despite the effectiveness, there is one memorable example in Scripture where the strategy didn’t work.

If you recall the New Testament story of Jesus being tempted in the wilderness, you’ll remember that in every instance where Satan attempted to deceive Christ, Jesus’ immediate response was to call upon Scripture. You’ll notice that Satan didn’t attempt to argue when confronted with absolute truth. Instead, he moved on to a different temptation and lie. Jesus responded the same way He did previously. Eventually, Satan gave up and left. He knew the attempts to deceive were of no use. In other words, the enemy’s attacks simply rolled off Jesus’ back. Our Lord was equipped and prepared to thwart what was coming at Him, because He was filled with a knowledge of the truth. This comes only from the Word of God.

And I heard a loud voice in heaven, saying, “Now the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of his Christ have come, for the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.”

Rev. 12:10 ESV

Attacks come via direct orders from the ultimate enemy, Satan, who is described as the great deceiver and accuser. Prodigals under the enemy’s control, will point the finger of judgement and blame at standers as a means to take the focus and spotlight off of their own sinful behaviors. This is a typical strategy meant to deflect and avoid confronting their own iniquities. As long as the focus is on you, whether it is your past or what they interpret as your “wrong” behavior now, they are free and clear to pursue whatever lifestyle choice they desire. Attacking and accusing you, often of the very things they are doing, is an intentional act meant to control the narrative and to frame their perspective on things in such a way as to condone their own behavior and demonize yours.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.

Eph. 6:13 ESV

We know from Scripture there is nothing new under the sun. The lies and accusations your prodigal is uttering now, have been used over and over again by sinners looking to justify their behavior. If you are standing for truth and your marriage, the attacks will come, however, you must not take them to heart nor allow them to negatively impact your identity as a child of Christ. Rightly interpret the attacks for what they are; desperate attempts from a defeated enemy who knows his days are numbered. Standers need to deflect what is coming at them by equipping themselves with the Word of Truth. The enemy has no answer for this and never will.

To be clear, we are not advocating for engaging in a shouting contest with your prodigal as they hurl accusations and you respond by quoting back Scripture. On the contrary, when the fiery darts come, stay calm, collected and composed. Respectfully walking away from a potentially volatile situation is far better and much wiser, than giving into your emotions and once and for all, letting your prodigal spouse have it. Let God be the one who delivers justice. You be the one who focuses on demonstrating grace, perseverance and forgiveness.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson
Purposed Marriage

Faithfulness, Healing and Reconciliation, Holidays

New Year, New Resolve

Tommy Larson

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

Every new year brings with it a sense of fresh starts, renewed commitments and strengthened resolve. Depending on who you are listening to, the target of these resolutions may tend to focus on the external. Whether it’s shedding a few pounds, reading more, learning a new skill, or simply stepping out of our comfort zones and trying something new, the arrival of January 1st marks the point when many will begin their new journey. Unfortunately, this is also a time when many marriages hanging on by a thread get pushed to their limits and one or both parties decide it’s time to call it quits.

Making it through the holidays is challenging enough on its own. Normal holiday stressors, along with knowing what your spouse may be planning for the new year and doing everything within your power to prevent it from coming to pass, puts us in situations that are extremely challenging and difficult. Reflecting back, I remember the first Christmas apart from my wife saw me spend considerable time praying God would do a work in her heart and that the new year would bring healing and reconciliation. Surprisingly, there were more than a couple moments during the holiday season I actually sensed this may have been coming to pass. But unfortunately, those moments were short lived. Despite seeing what appeared to be real signs of promise in both word and deed, my prodigal eventually returned to the flesh and continued to willingly travel the road that led to destruction. Cleary, God had more work to do.

For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.

Matthew 7:12 ESV

Now more than ever, the question we need to ask ourselves is if we are truly committed to standing for our marriage despite what we may see or know is coming over the horizon. An ungodly worldview void of biblical and eternal perspectives will tell you happiness and fulfillment is within your reach if you just let go of the past and move forward. We are told some marriages just don’t work out, and it’s better to leave an unhappy marriage, than to stay in a relationship where your emotional needs aren’t being met. Of course, this type of advice sounds great to the person who is hurting and has perhaps endured years of mistreatment and neglect. After all, don’t we all deserve to be happy and to not have to live in an environment where we find ourselves anxious, on edge, and unfulfilled? Biblically speaking, the answer is, no. In truth, what each of us deserves is an eternity in hell. Fortunately for us, because of the Father’s mercy and grace, we are promised an eternity with Him in glory, if we put our faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Let this truth sink in and penetrate your soul the next time your heart turns and begins to long for what friends, family and those without a godly perspective say you deserve.

If you are in this stand for the long haul, let this new year mark the starting point for a renewed and strengthened resolve that will reject worldly counsel, and instead cling to the cross of Christ and his promise of hope and fulfillment. Your prodigal needs you now more than ever. It could very well be that God has the enemy on the ropes. Do you have the endurance required to finish the fight and end the battle? Are you going to give up on your spouse, your children and perhaps future generations because you are tired and weary? Purpose now to stand strong and believe in your heart that God is not done with you or your marriage. 2020 could very well be the year God has ordained for restoration to occur!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson