Tag: Marriage Stand

Healing and Reconciliation

Stand in the Gap

Amy Larson

Stand in the Gap

It was exactly two years ago that my and Tommy’s journey took a turn in the complete opposite direction in which it was headed. We were divorced, living in separate houses and sharing custody of our boys when a God-sized event woke me up to the reality of our situation. My mom, with whom I was very close, passed away unexpectedly. Just as unexpectedly, someone I viewed as an enemy became an unlikely hero. Losing a loved one can alter your perspective on life dramatically and God used my mom’s passing to show me what truly mattered in life: the value of love, commitment, and my covenant to God as well as to my husband.

For the first time since our separation, I wasn’t hostile towards Tommy, but rather I was accepting of his love. The walls around my heart began to crumble. It’s not that he was doing anything differently or loving me more than he had in the past, it was my perspective of his actions that had changed. I allowed him to take care of me and comfort me like no other human could. Only Tommy understood the hurt and pain the boys and I were enduring because he was there, bearing the burden with us. We all lost someone special in our lives that day, including my covenant husband.

I never saw the death of my beloved mother coming and I certainly hadn’t planned for what life would be like without her. But, God knew and had prepared my heart before it ever happened. He had also prepared Tommy’s heart by teaching him to patiently wait on the Lord. Tommy became a hero not because he possessed super powers or wore a cape, but because he had continually been obedient and listened to God’s prompting. He stood in the gap for nearly two years prior to this event waiting and looking to Heaven for the appointed time God had set aside for him. When that time came, Tommy stood up and stepped in to love me in a mighty way.

I looked for someone among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found no one.
Ezekiel‬ ‭22:30‬

I’m so thankful when God looked for someone to stand in the gap for me, He saw Tommy. He interceded on my behalf and held me up so the enemy could not gain an advantage over me. Even in the difficult times, Tommy loved enough for both of us and believed God would work a miracle in our broken marriage. God used an unexpected event in my life to capture my attention and to lead me to repentance. He also used the death of my mother to restore me to Himself as well as restore me to the love of my life.

Dear friend, if you are standing in the gap for your loved one, I want to encourage you to continue your stand. You may be the only one fighting on your loved one’s behalf. Perhaps your God-sized event is just around the corner.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Christian Walk, Divorce, Healing and Reconciliation, Marriage

Be Authentic

Amy Larson

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The authenticity of your marriage stand if not 100% genuine, will be evident to your prodigal. If your motivation for wanting reconciliation does not come from a heart that is fully devoted to God and keeping His covenant, chances are your running spouse will continue to run. The most effective way to gain your loved one’s attention is to live out your devotion to the Lord in an active pursuit of holiness. Nothing will speak to your prodigal in a more profound manner than when you remain malleable and cooperate with the Holy Spirit to bring about transformation in your life.

As you grow more deeply connected to Christ, your pursuit can’t help but be demonstrated by modeling a love for your prodigal they have never seen before through acts of kindness and service. God can use your marriage stand to tear down the walls that have been erected no matter the heights. But, your desire for an intimate relationship with Him must precede your desire for reconciliation. When it does, your prodigal will take notice. Unfortunately, this does not mean your loved one will take action immediately. It may take weeks, months or even years.

God softened Tommy’s heart rather quickly into his stand. Shortly after our separation he began biblical counseling and addressing some deep issues that plagued our marriage. As he was seeking help, and attempting to explain the transformation God was performing in his heart and life, I cast it off as excuses. After ten years of hearing the same promise for change, I was no longer interested in seeing if he was sincere in his claims. Even though he owned his faults and was taking responsibility for his actions, I was incapable of witnessing any true changes because I had grown calloused.

There was a much needed growth process for both of us and God had some refining work to do in our lives before we were to be reconciled. Over time, as Tommy matured in his faith, he developed a deeper understanding of how to better love me. When I recognized his walk with the Lord was authentic and his genuine love for me was a reflection of His love for Christ, I was compelled by the Holy Spirit to be more receptive to his true motivations.

Tommy showed me what he valued by how he invested his time. During his nearly two year stand, he made it clear that his covenant to God was the first priority and his covenant to me was second. I’m so grateful he did not give up on our marriage and allowed the light of Christ to shine through him so brightly that everyone took notice, eventually even me. Although I will never fully understand because I did not walk in Tommy’s shoes, now that we have been reunited, I can comprehend how painstakingly difficult it was for him to endure the heartache he suffered for the sake of our covenant. We could not reach restoration until our hearts had been healed and transformed.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11

Dear friend, there is a purpose and a design for what is happening in your life. As God disciplines, teaches and corrects you, trust Him through the process. How amazing will it be to look back one day and see how God used the darkest hours of your stand to shine light into the hardened heart of your loved one? Be strong and take courage.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Healing and Reconciliation

God’s Ways are Higher

Amy Larson

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During our pause, when Tommy was actively pursuing restoration, one thing he often reminded me was our marriage would never be the same. What he meant was our marriage could be so much more than I ever imagined. It would never go back to being the loveless marriage that lacked passion as it did in previous years. If we reconciled, we wouldn’t be two strangers merely coexisting in a shared space. Tommy assured me His heart had been transformed and he longed for the same oneness I desired. He spoke about loving me and serving as the dedicated leader, protector and provider our family needed.

It took a while before I listened, and even longer to trust him and recognize the sincerity of his claims. I knew he meant what he said because it wasn’t a rehearsed speech, rather, it was detailed and heartfelt. I could hear the emotions in the tone of his voice as he talked about our future together. When he addressed the subject of reconciliation, it was never discussed with selfish motives or intent. It was always approached from a perspective that sought to love and serve me. Tommy believed we could have the beautiful, loving relationship God intended, and the more passionate he was, the more I started believing in his vision.

Admittedly, I did not welcome his ideas at first. But, God used Tommy’s foresight and persistence to chip away my hardened heart and I began envisioning a second chance for our marriage. He prayed fervently for me, constantly seeking to stay attuned to the voice of the Holy Spirit and would only talk about our future together when he felt prompted. He asked God to soften my heart and looked for opportunities to share especially when he knew I had an openness and willingness to listen.

I needed to hear Tommy wanted to start afresh, with no desire to return to the marriage in the state we left it. At the time, I did not think it was possible to rekindle our relationship because it was seemingly dead. But, Praise the Lord, God’s thoughts are not my thoughts nor are His ways my ways.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Our gracious Heavenly Father exceeded every expectation I had for my marriage. When God restored our relationship, He gave Tommy and I a double portion of love for one another and ignited a passion in us that I didn’t know could exist. Every trait I desired in a husband was fulfilled in Tommy because his attributes were lining up with those of Christ.

When I was fully immersed in my sin, I looked at Tommy with contempt and ambivalence. Thankfully, Tommy had an army of warriors praying for me and my attempts to ignore the Holy Spirit were weakened due to their prayers on my behalf. I was convicted and soon the strongholds in my life were no longer holding me captive. The veil was lifted from my eyes and I saw Tommy as the changed man he had become, as well as the soulmate I had always desired.

Dear friends, I cannot express the importance of praying for your partner and building a network of prayer warriors to intercede on their behalf. You may find yourself in the same situation we were in years ago when all hope seemed lost in reviving our relationship. I want to encourage you to pray for your loved one and stay attuned the the Holy Spirit’s prompting. When you feel led, share a few details of how God has changed your heart–talk about what life could be like in the future. Of course, you don’t want to overwhelm your loved one, but little reminders of a bright, new future may inspire your partner to start envisioning life with you instead of without you. Never underestimate the power of prayer. Even when things look hopeless, the good news is, our ways are not God’s ways. His ways are higher so let’s leave the big tasks in the hands of our mighty Father.

In Christ,
Amy Larson