Tag: Faith

Healing and Reconciliation, Spiritual Warfare

God is in Control

Tommy Larson

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Roughly six months into my marriage stand I found myself desperately trying to affect positive change in Amy’s heart in order to discourage her pursuit of divorce. Often inviting her to spend time with the boys and myself, I had grown used to the excuses for not coming. In one sense, I was in a helpless state. I had no control over whether or not my situation would change but at the end of the day, I didn’t want to look back at my actions and regret failing to act when given the opportunity. Opportunities to show love and kindness were few and far between in those days, so each time one presented itself, it needed to be seized upon.

One particular occasion where the Lord spoke to my spirit comes to mind that is worth sharing. It was a late afternoon on a clear, fall Saturday. I had been given the boys for the weekend and was looking for things to do that could potentially be done by the entire family if Amy agreed to join us. We had purchased a couple kites for the boys and with the day being on the windy side, I thought it a good chance for us to put the kites to the test. I sent Amy a message inviting her to come but as was normally the case, she wasn’t interested. Despite this, I determined to make the occasion one that our boys would enjoy.

I drove us up to a local dam where I had frequently come to fish in the past. There were grassy fields near the banks on both sides of the water that were ideal for kids to play on. We got out the kites and before long they were up in the air flying high in the sky. My oldest son took to it rather quickly, so it wasn’t long after we began that I let him fly the kite by himself. During this time, I stayed busy with the other boys who became more interested in looking for bugs and other treasures than flying kites. Several minutes later I observed Micah getting his kite caught in a nearby tree. Naturally, I came over to assist. I pulled and tugged in every possible direction but it was no use. The kite simply was not coming down. I consoled my son and explained that sometimes things like that happened. It wasn’t his fault and there was really nothing we could do about it.

By that time, the other boys were ready to leave so I started the process of gathering things up and putting the little boys in their car seats. I then opened my door, got in and started the engine. Just before taking the car out of park, I looked up in the air. I noticed the kite Micah had gotten stuck in the tree had become loose and was floating towards us. I continued to watch as it landed right next to the vehicle. I opened the car door, and there it was, laying within arm’s reach.

That people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things. Isaiah 45:6-7

At that moment I was reminded of God’s sovereignty and the fact He was able to accomplish what I was unable to under my own power and strength. This timely lesson served to reorient my perspective and move me away from patterns of thinking that led to anxiety and self focus. The kite became a metaphor which represented my troubled marriage. Fought as I could to restore it, I realized the work had to be done by Almighty God who was far more able to accomplish what needed to be done.

While it’s easy to be discouraged when the efforts to reach our prodigal spouse fall flat and sometimes even result in more pain and further division, you must know that at any time, God has the power and authority to free your husband or wife from the clutches of the enemy. Do not grow weary in showing kindness and love when given the chance. Continue to extend grace and humility at every opportunity. Know and believe that God, in his perfect timing, will reward those who diligently seek him. The “kite” that may represent your marriage right now is not destined to remain stuck in a tree. As long as God is sovereign (and He always will be), there is hope that restoration and healing will one day be headed your way!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Healing and Reconciliation

Be Authentic

Amy Larson

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The authenticity of your marriage stand if not 100% genuine, will be evident to your prodigal. If your motivation for wanting reconciliation does not come from a heart that is fully devoted to God and keeping His covenant, chances are your running spouse will continue to run. The most effective way to gain your loved one’s attention is to live out your devotion to the Lord in an active pursuit of holiness. Nothing will speak to your prodigal in a more profound manner than when you remain malleable and cooperate with the Holy Spirit to bring about transformation in your life.

As you grow more deeply connected to Christ, your pursuit can’t help but be demonstrated by modeling a love for your prodigal they have never seen before through acts of kindness and service. God can use your marriage stand to tear down the walls that have been erected no matter the heights. But, your desire for an intimate relationship with Him must precede your desire for reconciliation. When it does, your prodigal will take notice. Unfortunately, this does not mean your loved one will take action immediately. It may take weeks, months or even years.

God softened Tommy’s heart rather quickly into his stand. Shortly after our separation he began biblical counseling and addressing some deep issues that plagued our marriage. As he was seeking help, and attempting to explain the transformation God was performing in his heart and life, I cast it off as excuses. After ten years of hearing the same promise for change, I was no longer interested in seeing if he was sincere in his claims. Even though he owned his faults and was taking responsibility for his actions, I was incapable of witnessing any true changes because I had grown calloused.

There was a much needed growth process for both of us and God had some refining work to do in our lives before we were to be reconciled. Over time, as Tommy matured in his faith, he developed a deeper understanding of how to better love me. When I recognized his walk with the Lord was authentic and his genuine love for me was a reflection of His love for Christ, I was compelled by the Holy Spirit to be more receptive to his true motivations.

Tommy showed me what he valued by how he invested his time. During his nearly two year stand, he made it clear that his covenant to God was the first priority and his covenant to me was second. I’m so grateful he did not give up on our marriage and allowed the light of Christ to shine through him so brightly that everyone took notice, eventually even me. Although I will never fully understand because I did not walk in Tommy’s shoes, now that we have been reunited, I can comprehend how painstakingly difficult it was for him to endure the heartache he suffered for the sake of our covenant. We could not reach restoration until our hearts had been healed and transformed.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11

Dear friend, there is a purpose and a design for what is happening in your life. As God disciplines, teaches and corrects you, trust Him through the process. How amazing will it be to look back one day and see how God used the darkest hours of your stand to shine light into the hardened heart of your loved one? Be strong and take courage.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Anger, Divorce, Faith, Marriage, Spiritual Warfare

When the Enemy Attacks

Tommy Larson

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Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. Ephesians 6:14–15

When the enemy attacks, how do you respond? Do you cower in fear and try to flee the scene? Do you respond with fleshly anger and lash out with a fiery tongue? Do you do battle with the weapons of peace and love that followers of Christ have been equipped with?

Early in my marriage stand, I frequently felt compelled to argue against the lies and accusations of the enemy. (When I say enemy, keep in mind we are speaking of Satan and his armies of darkness. Our spouses should never be considered the enemy. They have been blinded by the evil one who seeks to kill and destroy. Their hearts have been taken captive and they are unable to see the truth.) In my mind, I was on the side of the Gospel and felt it a righteous position to debate and have the final word in contemptuous exchanges. But the more the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and impressed upon me the nature of the battle, the more inclined I was to speak softly and pray more intensely for my prodigal wife.

Make no mistake, the attacks and accusations hurled against standers are damaging and destructive. The toxic words and incessant belittling would often times wound my heart and sink my spirit. I recall hearing things like…

“I will never forgive you!”
“You are crazy!”
“You live in a another world!”
“You haven’t changed!”
“You are trying to control me!”
“You think you are God!”
“We were never really married!”
“I don’t need to feel sorry for you!”

You may have heard similar things. Understand that these utterances are spoken from hearts that have been deceived. To justify their actions, prodigals will constantly find it necessary to keep the focus on you. To do otherwise would force them into self examination. The last place someone out of the will of God wants to be is standing in front of a mirror looking at their own sins and faults.

Satan is a master of deception. He infiltrates the mind and darkens one’s understanding of the truth. If a person is unable to see the truth, then you shouldn’t be surprised when you hear non-truth coming from their lips. Keep this in mind and don’t be surprised when the tone and demeanor of your spouse drastically turns as sacrificial actions and lovingly spoken words are modeled before them. Satan hates the truth and those deceived by him hate when they are reminded of it.

Satan’s agenda can only be advanced as long as his lies continue to be believed. You can have a profound impact on your prodigal’s understanding of truth by living your life in a manner marked by grace, compassion and forgiveness. Don’t be discouraged or defensive when the attacks come. Trust me, they will. Take comfort in knowing that God sees and hears all and will one day judge accordingly. (1 Peter 2:23)

In a world that angrily demands revenge and retribution for any and every perceived wrong and offense, challenge yourself to live in stark contrast. When you have been wronged, show kindness and love in return. Do not demand justice for yourself. Rather, demand from yourself rightful service to the Lord. It is this obedience that God can use to help transform hearts of stone into hearts of flesh.

In Christ,
Tommy Larson