Category: Judging

Healing and Reconciliation, Judging

Praying for your Prodigal

Tommy Larson

Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:18 (ESV)

Most people are familiar with the story of Jonah. It’s one of the most well known passages from the Old Testament. One that invokes feelings of awe and excitement. Even as a young child, I remember thinking how incredible it was that a grown man could stay alive in the belly of a giant fish. I wondered how Jonah could possibly survive in that horrific environment. Back then, the deeper meaning of Jonah’s story escaped me as my ability to discern the profound lessons of Scripture were quite lacking at the time. I assume this was likely also the case for many other children who heard the same tale. Sadly, growing older doesn’t necessarily make one wiser. Even for adults, the fantastic elements of this story can overshadow what is a vitally important message about pride, rebellion, and forgiveness.

In the beginning of the story, one learns of God’s great wrath, which had been built up towards the city of Nineveh and its inhabitants. These people had done exceedingly wicked in the eyes of the Lord and their time of judgement had come. Jonah was charged to enter the city and warn the inhabitants of their coming fate. Jonah however, decided he knew what was best. His anger and disgust with the people of Nineveh outweighed his sense of obedience to the Lord. For him, the Ninevites did not deserve a warning. They were not owed an opportunity to repent. Their evil was so great, it exhausted all the grace God was capable of providing, or so he thought…

As we continue to read, a theme of irony emerges. We see how Jonah had become actively engaged in open rebellion towards God, while simultaneously accusing the Ninevites of the very same thing. Along with the blatant hypocrisy, Jonah also thought he could hide from the Lord. But as we find out later, not even the depths of the sea could hide him from God’s presence and divine accountability.

While Jonah eventually acknowledged God and committed to do His will while in the belly of the giant fish, it’s unlikely he ever seriously contemplated the fate of the Ninevites. How unfortunate it was that he never stopped to reflect how desperate the people of Nineveh were for their eyes to be opened and their sins forgiven. Scripture doesn’t provide any evidence contrary to these assumptions, which leads us to conclude that for Jonah, the Ninevites were irredeemable and unworthy of compassion or mercy. In Jonah’s mind, they weren’t even worth praying for. Such a tragedy…

And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?

Jonah 4:11 (ESV)

Throughout the course of your marriage stand, perhaps you have encountered the spirit of judgmentalism. Quite easy to identify, it portrays itself as holy and righteous anger. It enters subtly, and over time eventually consumes us. It also exists as an accusatory mindset whose constant focus is on everything our prodigal is doing wrong. Unfortunately, when we allow ourselves to be filled with these thoughts and attitudes, we are prevented from obtaining a mind and heart filled with compassion. It is from this same spirit, the desire to pray and make intercessions for our prodigal is derived. To put it bluntly, you simply cannot have a heart of genuine love and mercy if you are constantly focussed on someone else’s sin. There are no two ways about it.

During the time of separation from my wife, the Lord greatly burdened me to lift her up in prayer. The reminders from the Holy Spirit were constant. Many times throughout the day I would stop what I was doing and retreat to a place of solitude where I would intercede on her behalf. These were usually very intense moments and often times filled with an abundance of emotion, energy, and focus.

Over time, I found the more I prayed for my wife, the less inclined I was to concern myself over things she was doing that were sinful, and in many cases, done intentionally to hurt me. Prayer helped to develop character in my life and provided the much needed boost of compassion and longsuffering that for far too long, I had been lacking.

While much can be learned from the story of Jonah concerning our judgmental tendencies, let us not forget the most important elements; the patience, compassion and longsuffering of our Lord. After years of shameless wickedness, God saw fit to show mercy on the people of Nineveh. Ultimately, it was Jonah’s righteous indignation and distorted sense of justice that took a back seat to God’s love and mercy. The eternal attributes of the Almighty eventually won the day.

As we continue to fight for our marriages and struggle with the constant battle of anger versus compassion, let us be vigilant in going before the Lord and praying for our prodigals. The more we are engaged in doing this, the less likely the evil one will gain a foothold in our own lives and prolong the journey towards restoration.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson


Couseling, Healing and Reconciliation, Judging

Humble Yourself

Amy Larson

When I made the decision to file for divorce, I was full of self-righteous anger. I deserved so much more out of my marriage and from my husband. Perceiving Tommy’s flaws worse than my own, I felt superior. In reality, I had such backwards thinking. I lacked mercy towards him and was constantly finding Tommy at fault. I didn’t have time to scrutinize myself because I was too busy keeping a record of his wrongs. And, every chance I got, I took the opportunity to point out his offenses towards me. Rehashing past failures never offered solutions to our martial problems, rather, it led to further bitterness, resentment and anger in his heart and in mine.

The years of turmoil took a toll on our marriage. It strained our relationship to the point where I felt completely defeated. Instead of turning to God with my hurt and pain, I allowed the devil a foothold in my marriage. The enemy slowly drove a wedge deeper and deeper between me and my beloved. Over time, my attitude towards Tommy changed as well as my patterns of thinking. The dangers of not taking every thought captive soon spiraled out of control. Thoughts I would have easily dismissed in the past were now stirring around in my mind daily. I had completely given myself over to the lies of the enemy and was no longer guarding my heart. Inevitably, separation and divorce quickly followed.

Self-righteousness is terribly destructive, and sneaks into the heart and mind making it nearly impossible to show genuine love towards others. Is there any characteristic more deceptive? We hate to see self-righteousness in others, yet we will defend it in our own lives. The bible makes it clear that God despises pride, which is at the root of self- righteousness. We see this in the parable Jesus tells of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18. The Pharisee elevated himself above everyone else looking down on others, whereas the tax collector recognized he was a sinner and asked for God’s mercy.

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.
Luke 18:14

At the point in my brokenness, where I became more repulsed by my sin than that of Tommy’s, the tide began to turn. The Holy Spirit revealed the depravity of my own heart and redirected my anger inward. I had to face reality, my sin was equal to his in the eyes of the Lord. Ultimately, I realized the best way to change my husband was to humble myself.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
Psalms 51:17

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Judging

Examine Your Own Heart

Tommy Larson

You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:5

When a spouse has made the decision to turn against you and the Lord by abandoning the vows made before God, it’s a natural instinct to point the finger of blame. But how many of us pause and take a look at our own lives, which in many cases, played a role in cultivating an environment conducive to marital disaster? The realization of my own contribution to our marital demise came far too late for me, because for years I was consumed with judging my spouse’s actions and not my own. Sadly, this delay in spiritual self-awareness exacted a heavy toll on our family, marriage and my relationship with Christ.

At the beginning of my stand, I remember being focused on what my wife was doing and how she was acting. Early on, my conversations with others typically involved describing her behavior and painting myself as a victim. It was so very clear to me that what she was doing was wrong, but it wasn’t until I began really diving into Scripture that I realized my focus and attention was off base. The eyes of scrutiny had been aimed in the wrong direction. I was so focused on my spouse, that I had grown blind to my own iniquities.

Through the course of Biblical counseling, and intentional quiet times with the Lord, I began to understand how misguided this perspective was. Correcting my flawed point of view meant turning the eyes of scrutiny completely on myself and allowing the Lord to expose the parts of my own life that had not fallen under complete submission to the Holy Spirit. When I was able to stop focusing on the actions of my spouse and instead became more aware of my own sin and shortcomings, my heart and mind gradually became transformed. This metamorphosis was not something accomplished on my own. To be clear, without a steady diet of Gospel truth and transparent conversations with the God, my spirit would have no doubt remained the same. Of this I am certain.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

The path to restoration and healing is never paved with bitterness and resentment. If you recognize your own heart is filled with animosity towards your spouse, with the help of the Holy Spirit, purpose right now to change. Relationships are reconciled and grievances forgiven when both parties put off anger and instead put on love and compassion. You may not be able to control or suppress the malice directed towards you at this point, but over time, the transforming power of Christ exhibited in your own life will produce seeds that will one day bear fruit. As God’s Word tells us, do not grow tired or weary in well doing, for in due season we will reap if we faint not. May we all learn to focus our efforts on becoming more like Christ through the examination of our own hearts and minds. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you today and when conviction sets in, purpose to set your thoughts, words, and deeds under the full submission of God and His holy Word.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson