Category: Healing and Reconciliation

Healing and Reconciliation, Spiritual Warfare

God is in Control

Tommy Larson

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Roughly six months into my marriage stand I found myself desperately trying to affect positive change in Amy’s heart in order to discourage her pursuit of divorce. Often inviting her to spend time with the boys and myself, I had grown used to the excuses for not coming. In one sense, I was in a helpless state. I had no control over whether or not my situation would change but at the end of the day, I didn’t want to look back at my actions and regret failing to act when given the opportunity. Opportunities to show love and kindness were few and far between in those days, so each time one presented itself, it needed to be seized upon.

One particular occasion where the Lord spoke to my spirit comes to mind that is worth sharing. It was a late afternoon on a clear, fall Saturday. I had been given the boys for the weekend and was looking for things to do that could potentially be done by the entire family if Amy agreed to join us. We had purchased a couple kites for the boys and with the day being on the windy side, I thought it a good chance for us to put the kites to the test. I sent Amy a message inviting her to come but as was normally the case, she wasn’t interested. Despite this, I determined to make the occasion one that our boys would enjoy.

I drove us up to a local dam where I had frequently come to fish in the past. There were grassy fields near the banks on both sides of the water that were ideal for kids to play on. We got out the kites and before long they were up in the air flying high in the sky. My oldest son took to it rather quickly, so it wasn’t long after we began that I let him fly the kite by himself. During this time, I stayed busy with the other boys who became more interested in looking for bugs and other treasures than flying kites. Several minutes later I observed Micah getting his kite caught in a nearby tree. Naturally, I came over to assist. I pulled and tugged in every possible direction but it was no use. The kite simply was not coming down. I consoled my son and explained that sometimes things like that happened. It wasn’t his fault and there was really nothing we could do about it.

By that time, the other boys were ready to leave so I started the process of gathering things up and putting the little boys in their car seats. I then opened my door, got in and started the engine. Just before taking the car out of park, I looked up in the air. I noticed the kite Micah had gotten stuck in the tree had become loose and was floating towards us. I continued to watch as it landed right next to the vehicle. I opened the car door, and there it was, laying within arm’s reach.

That people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me; I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the Lord, who does all these things. Isaiah 45:6-7

At that moment I was reminded of God’s sovereignty and the fact He was able to accomplish what I was unable to under my own power and strength. This timely lesson served to reorient my perspective and move me away from patterns of thinking that led to anxiety and self focus. The kite became a metaphor which represented my troubled marriage. Fought as I could to restore it, I realized the work had to be done by Almighty God who was far more able to accomplish what needed to be done.

While it’s easy to be discouraged when the efforts to reach our prodigal spouse fall flat and sometimes even result in more pain and further division, you must know that at any time, God has the power and authority to free your husband or wife from the clutches of the enemy. Do not grow weary in showing kindness and love when given the chance. Continue to extend grace and humility at every opportunity. Know and believe that God, in his perfect timing, will reward those who diligently seek him. The “kite” that may represent your marriage right now is not destined to remain stuck in a tree. As long as God is sovereign (and He always will be), there is hope that restoration and healing will one day be headed your way!

In Christ,

Tommy Larson

Christian Walk, Divorce, Healing and Reconciliation, Marriage

Be Authentic

Amy Larson

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The authenticity of your marriage stand if not 100% genuine, will be evident to your prodigal. If your motivation for wanting reconciliation does not come from a heart that is fully devoted to God and keeping His covenant, chances are your running spouse will continue to run. The most effective way to gain your loved one’s attention is to live out your devotion to the Lord in an active pursuit of holiness. Nothing will speak to your prodigal in a more profound manner than when you remain malleable and cooperate with the Holy Spirit to bring about transformation in your life.

As you grow more deeply connected to Christ, your pursuit can’t help but be demonstrated by modeling a love for your prodigal they have never seen before through acts of kindness and service. God can use your marriage stand to tear down the walls that have been erected no matter the heights. But, your desire for an intimate relationship with Him must precede your desire for reconciliation. When it does, your prodigal will take notice. Unfortunately, this does not mean your loved one will take action immediately. It may take weeks, months or even years.

God softened Tommy’s heart rather quickly into his stand. Shortly after our separation he began biblical counseling and addressing some deep issues that plagued our marriage. As he was seeking help, and attempting to explain the transformation God was performing in his heart and life, I cast it off as excuses. After ten years of hearing the same promise for change, I was no longer interested in seeing if he was sincere in his claims. Even though he owned his faults and was taking responsibility for his actions, I was incapable of witnessing any true changes because I had grown calloused.

There was a much needed growth process for both of us and God had some refining work to do in our lives before we were to be reconciled. Over time, as Tommy matured in his faith, he developed a deeper understanding of how to better love me. When I recognized his walk with the Lord was authentic and his genuine love for me was a reflection of His love for Christ, I was compelled by the Holy Spirit to be more receptive to his true motivations.

Tommy showed me what he valued by how he invested his time. During his nearly two year stand, he made it clear that his covenant to God was the first priority and his covenant to me was second. I’m so grateful he did not give up on our marriage and allowed the light of Christ to shine through him so brightly that everyone took notice, eventually even me. Although I will never fully understand because I did not walk in Tommy’s shoes, now that we have been reunited, I can comprehend how painstakingly difficult it was for him to endure the heartache he suffered for the sake of our covenant. We could not reach restoration until our hearts had been healed and transformed.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11

Dear friend, there is a purpose and a design for what is happening in your life. As God disciplines, teaches and corrects you, trust Him through the process. How amazing will it be to look back one day and see how God used the darkest hours of your stand to shine light into the hardened heart of your loved one? Be strong and take courage.

In Christ,
Amy Larson

Couseling, Healing and Reconciliation

Overcome Evil with Good

Tommy Larson

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Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9

Roughly one and a half years into my marriage stand, the Lord was still calling me to reach out with kindness and love to Amy. I had grown used to not seeing any positive signs of restoration resulting from my obedience, but understood reciprocal gestures should never be expected when acting from an authentic and loving spirit. Getting to the point where there was an acceptance of this was a journey in and of itself. Many painful roads had to be travelled and there was no assurance of our situation getting any easier.

In my conversations with Amy now, we often reflect back on the days when we both lived in darkness and dwelled in the “valley”. The dialog has been both meaningful and enlightening as it has afforded me keen insights into the mind and thinking of a prodigal determined to follow the path of destruction. In those days, I would seriously wonder whether anything I was saying or doing was having an impact on Amy. I would write questions down in my journal and frequently brought them before the Lord when engaged in prayer. While the answers I was seeking continually alluded me, there was a clear directive that wasn’t. This admonition called for continued obedience and perseverance regardless of how emotionally painful my efforts would become.

One such occasion stands out. I recall it now because since then, Amy has shared how impactful it was, although at the time it didn’t seem that way to me. Our first born son Micah was getting ready to turn 8 and Amy had planned a birthday for him at a local restaurant. She had invited her parents and a couple friends. I became aware of the upcoming event and learned where and when it would be. I explained how I wanted to be there but because of my job schedule at the time, it would have been impossible to attend. I found out later it was intentionally planned that way so Amy could make it appear as though I was welcome to come, even though I wasn’t. This gave the illusion of good intentions but the reality was the complete opposite.

As the days drew near, I grew increasingly upset that I wouldn’t be able to partake in the celebration. It was very discouraging because there seemed little I could do. Amy and I had been divorced and I had no legal right to be with my family on this day as far as the courts were concerned. When I took this dilemma to the Lord, I received a very clear impression to do something sacrificial. I was to pay for the celebration and not concern myself over not being present. I remember the urging being plain as day. This is was I was to do, and no questions asked. So I did. Yes, it hurt and it seemed very unfair from my perspective, but what I didn’t realize at the time was that this act was essentially a seed that would one day bare fruit.

In our conversations since then, Amy has shared how she and her parents were really taken back by this act of humility. It served to further reinforce my genuine commitment to servant leadership and sacrifice. Amy understood that it was only a heart that had been changed by the Lord that would voluntarily offer to do what had been done without the expectation of anything in return. I give the credit all to Christ for empowering and strengthening me to complete that specific task. It wasn’t easy at the time, but it was a lesson in obedience, with an end result that aided in the restoration process.

You may be in a situation that seems hopeless. You may find yourself in the same predicament I did years ago; helpless and powerless to affect any positive change in your relationship with your spouse. If so, I want to encourage you to find ways to demonstrate sacrificial love even if it’s difficult. Christ extended unconditional love to us while we were dead in sins. Even while we were rebelling and running away from His will, there He was extending grace and mercy to undeserving sinners. Your prodigal spouse, no matter how wrong their actions have been and perhaps continue to be, needs the same Christ-like love demonstrated for the sake of their eternal destiny. May the Lord equip and sustain you as you follow this path of obedience.

In Christ,

Tommy Larson